I'm officially giving up after today

[bbanxiety]

TW: Agoraphobia, fainting

I've just finished my work from home job, and I thought I'd walk to the shop like I do maybe two/three times a week.

I felt okay when I left the house, it's really hot here in the UK, but I thought it'd be good to take in the weather and get out. I got about halfway to the shop, and bam, my legs started to go like jelly. But I thought no, I'll keep going, so I kept going on.

As soon as I got to the doorway of the shop, my entire nervous sytem freaked out. I needed to shit myself, pass out, my hands and feet went all tingly. my mouth went dry and I was wobbling. I broke out in a sweat and in the shop there's a little mirrored bit and my pupils were massive.

All I can remember is grabbing a drink from the fridge, four cans of lager and paying, my hand was shaking as I was using the contactless thing and the person serving me could see it.

The whole way back, my entire body was freaking out again, I had to walk past a big gathering of friends and family on a lawn enjoying the weather, loud cars, kids shouting and I just completely lost it.

I cannot emphasis enough how weak my legs were, they were shaking as I was walking.

I made it home, sat down in my chair and my whole body is trembling.

But this was the ONE thing I could do, all the other things were putting me out of my comfort zone, this was something that was something I could do easily, and now it's fucking gone!

I have never ever felt this low in my entire life. I am literally useless outside of my prison I call a home.

[Fearoffear]

Hi bbanxiety!! You did you, you pressed on. That was a great thing you did. You were Shakey and your legs wobbled but you realized they were still good legs to walk on. You aren't stuck to your prison house, you kept going through everything anxiety had to throw at you. I don't think I would have been as brave. I would have gotten to the shop door had all those symptoms and turned around found somewhere to sit while the ambulance came. Your brain played a game with you and as far as I'm concerned you won. Good show, it now is understanding who is boss, you are. Keep it up don't shrink back in fear that is second fear or fear of fear. You've got this and so much more in you I can tell. Be proud of yourself and how you stood up to your symptoms and proved them fake. Gentle hugs 🫂

[bbanxiety in reply to Fearoffear]

Man,

I swear to god, this legitimately brought me to tears.

The encouragement you used in those words struck me right to the core.

I'm not going to keep going on about it, but honestly, this was so uplifting. The way you reframed that although I felt out of control, I was in control because I kept going and showing agoraphobia whos boss.

Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means.

[Agora1 in reply to bbanxiety]

Agora1 You Won xx

[alphaind in reply to bbanxiety]

Wow...that's the spirit one has to show... Absolutely great going... Keep it up bbanxiety.. Best Wishes

[Hallyhooyou in reply to Fearoffear]

Have you read Claire Weekes Hope and Help For Your Nerves? If not, I’d highly recommend it. It’s a life saver. The jelly legs thing can be so scary and her book deals with those somatic symptoms of anxiety better than anyone I’ve ever come across.

[b1b1b1]

I agree with Agora and FearofFear. You won and it was a very big victory.

[Beubehopehappy]

Drinking alcohol is the worst thing ever for mental health, I'm 2 years abstinence and feel loads better so i know what it can do to your mind and body. I would recommend you cut it out completely. I had a similar experience yesterday, I broke out in a sweat in the post office and got in a panic. Social anxiety gets me sometimes but not as what i used to be. Your not alone. All the best 👍

[keith1961 in reply to Beubehopehappy]

I totally agree with your comment about alcohol , at the time of first having a couple of drinks i feel fine ,but the next morning you pay for it dearly. 😔

[Beubehopehappy in reply to keith1961]

Yeah definitely don't miss that lol. Anxiety levels tend to be worse too in the mornings without alcohol. It's also important to keep dehydrated in this hot weather if your on medication because the heat can have bad effects with them. Alcohol dehydrated us

[Babe1213 in reply to Beubehopehappy]

I certainly wouldn't keep dehydrated in this weather! Hydrated? YES! But dehydrated most certainly not!!!!!!

[Shellone]

I totally agree with fearoffear you should be so proud of yourself that you did your trip. I promise you I have had experiences exactly as you described and things will get better. Remember you are not alone. Be strong. X