I'm still in school and for the past three years I've had really weird thoughts about violently hurting those around me. It goes a lot further than that but its hard for me to recount it.

I came to realise they were intrusive thoughts and no part of my normal persona but when we studied criminal psychology at school it sent me on a breakdown.

Now when people tell me things that murderers or torturers have done I feel as though I'm at risk of doing the same thing.

I've since learned I would never act on those thoughts but one trigger can give me a turn for months. Ive been on a turn since just before Christmas and this one doesn't seem to go away.

I don't so much as feel like acting on them as I do just thinking about the things that could happen. They make me feel evil and cruel so I try hard to make them go away. The problem is I can never remember how I got them to go away before.

So my question is, should I talk to somebody about this or how can I get out of it again?

7 Replies

  • I have been in the same situation. You need to get yourself into the Drs and get yourself into therapy. When i was like this i was extremely angry and bitter. I found that going for a jog helped and i would sprint every now and then just to feel the burn and breathlessness. Keep a diary as well because it makes you think clearly and you can reflect on it on a later date.

  • Thank you, its nice to see I'm not the only person this way

  • You are defo not alone. Many people feel like this and just because you feel like this or think like this doesn't make you a bad person. You just need to find something to channel your frustration. Doing something physical like running, boxing does make you feel a hell of alot better. Even if you just punch the crap out of a pillow. Endorphins will kick in and you will have an adrenaline rush as well.

    Can you think of a reason why you may have these thoughts, mine was down to alot of stress and how other treated me in my darkest moments. It could even be that your just curious of what would happen if........

    Have a word that you say to yourself when you have these thoughts and associate i with something that you find particularly hilarious its distracts you because you think of the funny image.

  • Hello

    You say you are still in School so I would assume you are not very old and still living with your parents ?

    Do you have a good enough relationship to be able to discuss this with them or an Aunty , Grandma anyone you feel you can talk to that is close to you

    I think the fact you fear these thoughts so much is a sign that they are thoughts and because they are unpleasant they have played on your mind because you have that kind of sensitive personality that some of us do , you may find other friends even though I would not always suggest that you would ask them because when you are young friends sometimes do not appreciate sensitive subjects and not to repeat them an adult can sometimes be the better option to confide in but I think you will find as I was saying that friends other people your age have had the same thoughts cross their minds but they have just seen them for what they are a thought and let it go straight away where you have held on to this because you have found it so upsetting and then it is escalating into fear and feeling upset

    Most humans will at some stage have unwanted thoughts but most will just let go when they do , the main thing is when we know we would not act on them but this is not uncommon what is happening to you

    You could speak with your Doctor depending how old you are even under 16's can make an appointment with their GP without taking a parent along depending how under 16 you may be this could also reassure you by speaking to then that everything is ok and I think once you have had that reassurance you will find you will be able to let go , they will not bother you as much and then they will get less until you fear them no more

    You are really young by the sounds of it and should be enjoying your youth while you can so speak to someone you trust so they can help you understand and you can start been happy as you should be :-)

    Take Care x

  • Thank you, reading this really helped😊

    My mum suffers from anxiety and is on medication to soothe her breathing so she understand vaugly what I'm going through. Sometimes the thoughts are about her and she helps me talk about them but because some days they can be constant its difficult to talk about it all the time because I don't want to annoy people.

    Because I get short of breath a lot when thinking we're going for an asthma test soon and after exploring this website I think it's time to tell a professional about my thoughts

  • Hello again :-)

    Sorry to hear you Mum suffers with anxiety to , she may like to come and join us on the site , you could ask her ?

    Even though it is not nice your Mum is suffering it must help having someone about that to a certain extent understands and you can see she is not judging you even when the thoughts are about her

    I think you are coming to the right conclusion talking to a professional again they will not judge you and I am sure they will tell you this is something they come across quiet often but they will help you understand where these thoughts are coming from and how to deal with them :-)

    Let us know if you get to speak to someone and how you get on :-) x

  • You really need to get a grip on these thoughts since this one doesn't seem to go away.

    (2 months now). For your sake and the safety of others, I hope you get into therapy.

    We only have so much control over our emotions and thoughts and then we may snap.

    I wish you much success in getting the help you need. I'm sorry about your mother

    suffering with anxiety. I'm sure she understands but is struggling with her own

    problems with this disorder. Take care, stay safe.

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