I ended up in the ER AGAIN..

Okay so I'll start at the beginning. I went to my pharmacy to pick up my Xanax prescription because I was out, but the pharmacy was closed. I'm taking quite a bit of Xanax daily, prescribed by my psychiatrist as he and my therapist desperately try to figure out what's triggering my panic attacks and try to stop them with me. No luck there haha. Anywho, so I go to another pharmacy, they tell me I can't pick it up there because it's already been filled at the pharmacy I stopped at first. So I go home thinking "come on, you're a big girl, you can go a night without Xanax." HA. Well, it started with me not being able to sleep. It was about 5 a.m. and my derealisation was getting worse and worse and worse. I felt like I was slipping in and out of reality. Eventually it reached a point where I forgot where I was for a second, and then when I snapped back to I FREAKED OUT. I was shaking so badly and everything felt like a nightmare. I had every symptom I've ever had I think. I told my boyfriend I was sorry, but we had to go to the ER. He tried to convince me it was just an anxiety attack but I guess I started to look so sick that he was doubting it too. We started driving their and that's when the worst feeling I've ever had in my entire life hit me. I honestly felt crazy. I could see objects, like cars and buildings and stuff passing us but I forgot them as soon as they did. Any light (headlights, the SUN rising, stoplights) made me freak out and forget what was going on. I felt kind of like I'd dropped acid or something (I've done it when I was a teenager, haha), I could FEEL the lights on my skin and all of my senses were mismatched and totally wrong. I started to get a bad taste in my mouth, and then I knew absolutely without a doubt that I was going to die. I told my boyfriend to stop the car and call an ambulance, I was about to die!! He reminded me that it wouldn't make any sense to call an ambulance if we were in a car on the way to the hospital but I seriously thought I was fighting to stay alive. I started to get this feeling like gravity was pushing my down so hard I would break through the car and land on the street. I couldn't catch my breath. Breathing exercises I'd learned felt like absolutely nothing. I literally couldn't feel air enter or leave my lungs. I barely recognized my boyfriend I was so out of it. I tried to raise my arms up like my therapist showed me to prove to myself that I could move but I couldn't. I kept thinking about how Xanax withdrawals can cause seizures, and how that was probably what was happening to me. I was too scared to even talk or cry, and my tongue felt swollen. We finally made it to the hospital and they had to get me a wheelchair. The wheelchair made me dizzy and sick and I almost puked. It all felt like a dream; I felt like I was having some weird fever dream of being in the hospital. I couldn't even tell them what was wrong. They took my heart-rate and blood pressure and my heart was beating so fast they did an EKG. Then some guy walked passed my room and prayed for me complete with a Bible and I really started losing it. I was shaking so fast they had to hold down my arm to put a needle in. They did blood-work too, and gave me Xanax. Then they took me to the psych part of the hospital. I COULD NOT believe it when I started to calm down. I thought I was going to at least lose my mind and be trapped in a never-ending anxiety attack if I didn't die. I have never been so scared in my entire life. My boyfriend says it's just because my body is used to the Xanax and I didn't take it on time but I have this feeling that it's going to happen again, over and over until I lose my mind. This didn't feel like a panic attack; it felt like being at death's door. I'm so scared that it's going to happen to me again. Even typing this I feel it creeping up. I cannot believe a panic attack could be so bad. Now I'm terrified of when I'll actually have to wean off the Xanax. I'm so sick of being afraid for my LIFE all the time. I feel like it's traumatizing me every time I have a panic attack, and making the overall anxiety worse. This sucks. A lot. I think that today might be the beginning of a downward spiral into insanity for me, as dramatic as that sounds. Ugh. Any advice? Any advice at all?

[BonnieSue]

Dear someone,

I'm so sorry you went through this terrible experience. Learn what you can from this---WRITE DOWN THE HOURS THAT THE PHARMACY IS OPEN or go to a 24 HOUR PHARMACY. This is CRITICAL to your feeling better. I've had to learn this, too. We are dependent on our medicine and we have to keep the supply available to ourselves ALWAYS.

I don't want to go through hell like you did so I do whatever it takes to make sure my necessary drugs are in my hands before I run out of my last prescription. Let this nightmare be your motivation to never run out again. Let's face it--we are pharmacy dependent. Maybe you won't always be, but for now you are. And you're not alone. There are a lot of us.

I know you know what hell is like and I hope and pray you never experience it again. Take control of that from now on. Do whatever it takes to protect yourself. Take care of yourself and be good to yourself. Best wishes and wonderful hopes and dreams for you.

[Agora1]

Hi Someone: In my opinion, you are experiencing drug withdrawal symptoms to the highest degree. Xanax is a highly addictive benzo. It works fast and it works good, that is until your body gets use to it and then it wants more and more. It will put you through hell in order for you to increase your dosage. I've been there. I couldn't sit still, I was shaking and oh so dizzy. Went to the ER and yes, I was put in a wheelchair.

They looked at me like I was a drug addict wanting more meds. I thought I was going to die. They gave me an injection of Ativan and several hours later sent me home.

I was told to see my psychiatrist for possible admittance if I didn't get better. I was referred to a doctor who specializes in benzo tapering. I was switched from Xanax to Ativan and then weaned off Ativan by substituting Valium. I thought they didn't know what they were doing, but they did. It took over 2 years to wean slowly. It has now been over 450 days w/o benzos in my system. I couldn't believe how medication prescribed by a doctor could make me dependent on the drug. I followed instructions explicitly. You really need to go back to the doctor who put you on Xanax in order to discuss where you go from here. I hate seeing anyone go through what you and I have. Xanax is a good drug for short term, when dealing with long term anxiety, it is not the drug of choice. Good Luck and take care.

[mens]

This is damn scary. From the way you have described your experience in detail speaks volumes of your frightening journey. I have experienced many outcomes of anxiety but not as bad as the one you have just narrated. But like what someone has described in this thread it is a drug withdrawal symptom. i can relate it to both anxiety and drug related issues. but again its mainly anxiety i believe. But just to make us feel better always tell yourself, its its really the end it will not prolong the feeling for this length of time as anxiety subsides when it reaches it peak. I also used to think that this is it and my end has come but suddenly the feeling of terrible thoughts subside altogether. remember to self talk and say it will pass. feel sorry for all of us who have to go through this awful phase. take care. be strong.

[judithelizabeth]

Sorry someone5673, I'm new at this. I thought I posted a reply but it went to an actual posting. If you can see it please read it. Have a great day

[Maltesers11]

Dear someone6573

I have lucid dreams which I think are true, some awful, some just normal. All my thoughts lately are about falling over, and I have nothing in me to get up again, no matter hard I try, I also see visual elements like a bottle of water, which I reach out for but the table and water isnt there either, clothes which aren't really on a hanger waiting for me to put on, people and places who are different in my dreams as compared in real life. This is very real to me at the time and causes confusion, panic and anxiety. I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

[Maltesers11 in reply to Maltesers11]

I forgot to mention this was going on before I took sertraline, antidepressant, so cant put it down to medication.

[Mommy2 in reply to Maltesers11]

Maltesers, I've had these same types of dreams since childhood. I'm 30 now. I used to keep dream journals but don't anymore. I wake up crying, confused, terrified sometimes. It's been awful. I do have times with no dreams at all, but when I go to sleep it's like living a strange second life. Wake up exhausted too. I'm currently not on any meds for anxiety or depression, just one for a different health issue. Lately I'm being chased by people or I can't find my way out of a room. Looking forward to better nights. I hope that for you too.

[Maltesers11 in reply to Mommy2]

Thank you so much. They have been going on for some time and you are right, it is like having a second life as I can really see these other things lucidly, but when kick start awake realise they are not there. Sometimes it is comforting to know they are there, but when not, like you, I feel lost. Sorry to hear you get chased, falling over all the time with no control is horrendous as I guess being chased must be. It just goes on and on until you wake, upset, confused, panicky. I hope things will improve for you too. Again thank you, I have been so afraid of these dreams. I am on sertraline although not for this.

[Hidden]

So very sorry to read of your experience. It is awful to have to live with that fear. Perhaps a different medication other than Xanax is the way to go. Also when you are feeling better try and meditate and lastly and perhaps most importantly ask GOD, the universe the source ,whatever you choose to call the higher power for help. Commune, talk to the source of all and allow yourself to find peace and strength there. Get comfortable talking, praying etc. I believe you will get some peace from it. Best of luck, Blessings C

[miarose]

Hello; I am so sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience..I really think it was because you didn't take your xanax..I am on xanax for nearly 30 years.and one night I was watching a film and kept putting off taking it. well I was sitting in my armchair and all of a sudden I felt like I turned upside down. it happened so fast I really went into panic mode, heart racing,feeling faint and shaking..I realised it was xanax withdrawal.as I hadan't taken any in 7 hours.I couldn't stand up so my hubby got me my xanax..after an hour I felt myself calming down..these tablets are not to be messed with. and cutting down is a very gradual process .but you definately just can't stop them. I don't think this will happen again if you take them as perscribed..take care love Miarose xxxxx

[Hidden]

Thank you all so much for your replies! As always they calmed me down a lot. Yesterday was the worst day ever haha. I'm NEVER skipping meds again and I'm going to see my psychiatrist in a few days. (: