GAD w/out worry?

[anxiousrecoverer]

Hi - have long-standing mental health disorders including anxiety. As far as I can remember, GAD began after panic disorder w/agoraphobia, which affected me about 10 years ago and was over within the same year.

Just wondering if anyone suffers the same - I'm not aware that I am worrying about anything. The only worry I can pinpoint is that I sometimes worry I will faint when I'm out and about feeling unwell, but I just try to tell myself: Yeah, well, what if you do? What's the problem with that? And then I ignore it. Useless to tell myself I won't faint because sometimes I do.

My exhaustion, aches and pains, etc. seem to be caused by a constant tension in my body. I do breathing exercises and mindfulness/grounding throughout the day to try and keep on top of it. The main thing is that it's just extremely tiring.

But as far as I can tell I'm not worried about anything - I really have nothing to worry about! The profile for GAD normally talks about people who over-worry about every day things, but that's just not me. I enjoy the kind of things most anxiety sufferers are 'supposed' to fear - I love change, variety, I like travelling alone, I get a kick out of being lost in a new city etc. I enjoy the challenge of it, I suppose. I love having deadlines and pressure because it makes me feel alive.

I have learned over the years that even if I love the pressure that comes with big work projects I have to pace myself because I have collapsed a few times due to physical/mental exhaustion and been unable to get out of bed for a week without throwing up or fainting! So I do try to make sure I'm balancing out nowadays with rest and socialising - making a really big effort to see spending time with friends as just as important as work etc. and feel I have a balance now.

But this physical tension in my body creeps up on me throughout the day. Relaxation lasts for as long as I'm focused on it, then I go back to whatever it is I'm doing and my body just tenses up again. I feel dizzy, weak, knackered, unfocused, spaced-out, nauseous, basically all the time. It's been a bit of a day-by-day experience for me for the last decade.

CBT usually says to change your thoughts or have worry time or something....but I'm not worried....so what do I do?

Is it just a matter of accepting that this is the way things are and adapting my life to fit with my illness? Pain in the arse because I think I have a lot of potential tbh and don't want to be slowed down, but is that basically my only option here?