The same old thing

I am at a point right now, where things are getting really nasty. And I am really tired. I wanna hang in with all the anxiety shit (sorry for the language), but its just that I am tired. I will probably fight till my last breath, I am not sure if I will last, But I ain't giving up. I am just really tired.

These symptoms that I am now about to share with you people, are already part of my life now, and no longer are 'SYMPTOMS' for me:

1. Feeling Disconnected from body

2. Living in the head

3. Pain that travels throughout the body

4. Dizziness at times, that follows with high heart rate

5. Feeling of being unwell all the time, and being extra conscious about my health (Hypochondriac)

To also give you a bit insight. I had an episode of high heart rate. I rushed to the hospital thinking its a heart attack, docs did all the necessary test, NOTHING!

Episode returned, rushed to the hospital, all tests again, NOTHING. Now waiting for a Cardiac MRI.

I now feel all the time, that I am going to die a "sudden cardiac death" (as they say). I keep checking my pulse, trying to make sure my heart is beating. The other day i felt it has stopped for more than 10 seconds, i freaked out and my heart rate went high again. It went normal in another 10 seconds.

Docs have prescribed me Beta blockers. I am on them for a week now (approx).

Which has caused various other things. Like shortness of breath, uneven sleep patterns, and much more.

I wanna work out, but docs have suggested me to stop everything for now, until I get my Cardiac MRI done.

(I don't wanna whine about my economical condition. But the fact that I have to wait for my cardiac MRI to be done in a public hospital until 14th of November scares me even more.)

I am scared, anxious and ALIVE

Hoping to stay that way.

Any input would be appreciated.



2 Replies

  • I know how you feel. My fear is not my heart but my brain - I had a stroke 22 years ago and still worry about it. My anxiety is off the chart now since I lost my dad 6 months ago. I am tired too. Tired of trying to float through terrifying thoughts and joyless days. Dizziness and wobbly legs and shaking body all day. Because of my anxiety I was terrified about having an mri also and they found nothing in my brain - just the old injury. Doesn't stop me worrying though. Feeling very depressed also. You aren't alone. I just try to remember happier times and hope for that x

  • I am so sorry you feel like you do, no magic cures ( I wish I had one) But know I have been where u r and never thought I would ever get away from it but at 66 yrs old now I do relapse slightly from time to time but always know that if I calm down, breath, take one day at a time and try to find joy in simple things it will get better.. also books I swear by self help books.. this reply is to both Helen and Pannicker.. for anxiety I would recomend Dr Claire Weekes book Peace from Nervous suffering and also her book Self Help for your Nerves.. without this books I wouldn't be here now .. peace and love to you both xx

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