Sick of being anxious

[susanclark]

I've been depressed and anxious since I was a child I'm now 54 ,it would take me months to tell you my life story so I'm not even going to try ,I need to take medication and I'm so scared of mind altering drugs, but I know it's my only help ,I've been to the group therapies and the positive thinking classes ,and all that but I know within myself that my brain needs the chemical it no longer has ,I can't eat properly as I'm scared I'm going to choke ,I can't drive anymore as I have pannick attacks ,I can't go on trains busses planes ,I recently went away for a night and was panicking the whole night ,I'm now waking almost every night with my heart racing feeling like I'm dying ,I have no thyroid gland and that's not helping I'm on medication for that ,and funny enough, as I know I'd die without it I take it ,but when it comes to antidepressants I'm scared ,although I do take 10 mgs of citalopram, I realy need a different medication as this ones stopped working ,it took me months to pluck up the courage to take it ,my doctor says I should take Valium to try and calm me whilst I get over the fear of taking it ,many years ago I tried a particular antidepressant and it made me feel dreadful ,so I'm now scared the new one I've been put on will do the same oh me I'm in a state ,and seem to feel even worse as the doctor has lowered my thyroid meds ,I'm not sure what's causing what I'm so confused .

[Hidden]

Hello

You must have been a member for a while with your pic so well done coming on and posting it can be really hard to post the first time but now hopefully you will feel you can come on here and get some support

Everything you said I could relate to , we are round about the same age , I suffered with anxiety from been young and now I am afraid to go out or on buses etc also recently I stopped out over night and did not sleep all night just wanted to get home as quick as I could I found it dreadful if I am honest

The medication thing well that was spot on just how I feel and in a similar way I have to take meds for Blood pressure , took them ages to get me on them but in the end when they said it could lead to something serious if I didn't I soon took them but the thoughts of mind altering chemicals is something I have always run a mile from yet I think deep down I know they would help but that fear is greater than maybe the benefits of meds would give me and it is so frustrating , it feels like there are two battles going of in your head all the time !

So I cannot start telling you to take them when I have the same thoughts and fears but I can say I have taken a small dose of diazapam and that has helped me so your Doctor sounds spot on not long term as they can be addictive but short term while you try and get on the meds they would help

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone with how you feel as I know sometimes we can feel that way and I hope that others will come along and maybe be able to give you advise if they found themselves in this situation and how they overcame it

One thing if I have to go on a short course of meds like antibiotics as I don't like them either is I tell myself I jus have to take one a day at a time and can stop whenever I want , feeling in control which that way of thinking makes me feel I am sometimes helps me to take the meds and realize there is nothing to fear

Good Luck

Take Care x

[susanclark in reply to Hidden]

Thank you ,it helps there are people like you that understand ,oh me sometimes I get so angry at this disease we have been dealt I want to beat it with all my might ,I keep thinking that I'm going to get angry enough to just face my fears time and time again until I beat them all ,I live in a tiny community in the far north east of Scotland where there is nothing and have done for very many years so I don't think that's helped with some of the anxiety I feel about going places ,they say and I've seen it on the TVs that the only way to get over your fears is to keep doing them ,it seems so pathetic to people that don't understand that you can't get on a bus without freaking out ,etc ,my doctor says with everything that's happened to me in my life I've lost the as she puts it spongy part of my brain that is like a shock absorber to stress it's been rung out over years and now she says we have to put it back with medication ,I like the explanation she gave me and have to start taking the stuff I no longer have in my brain so here's hoping I can do it ,can't thank you all enough for being there for me and pray you all keep as well as you can x