Angry with myself

Omg I have a list of jobs to do, strip wash iron and replace bedding. Clean n polish windows and sills, wash dry iron curtains, in living room. Clean fridge out, microwave and cooker top. Hoover stairs, and bedroom. Mop floors, clean bathroom and bleach toilet. Load dishwasher. Thats OCD for you on a daily basis, no wonder im stressed so angry with myself been at it since 9am this morning. I wish I could do it like normal people but I have to repeat and repeat and repeat. I'm exhausted physically and mentally. I'm nearly done but I'm left feeling angry and a failure. I don't want to live like this but I have too, seems to have got my anxiety together but recently OCD. Taken over again. Cant win I'm a strong person I know I am, no one comes to see me so why do I have to be pristine in my cleaning. My sister is completely the opposite her house is a shit tip mind my language, I cannot go there I don't know how she can live like that, but sometimes wonder i wish I could if you get my meaning. Put on a brave face but inside my walls are crumbling. People say I have a lovely house but they don't know the consequences I take. Xxx I can cope with my anxiety and panick attacks OCD I CANT XXX😓 MANDY

4 Replies

  • I have OCD too it's been playing up over the last week but I think it because of my pms. I know how frustrating it is when you have to repeat things over and over I sometimes have to take off and put on my clothes 3,5,7 or 9 times those are my 'good numbers' lol it's actually such a ridiculous disorder and when I read stories about it or watch documentaries for some reason it makes me laugh so much at the silly compulsions people have (I feel like I'm aloud to laugh because I suffer from it too lol).

    Anyway my psychologist taught me a few methods gusty is to stop and tell yourself this is OCD it is a disorder and it's not real apparently reminding yourself it's a disorder is meant to reprogram your brain. Then remove yourself from the compulsion for 15 minutes then go back and try again. If you succeed to get through the task without a compulsion tell yourself how it benefited you such as finished task quicker felt less anxious etc.

    Have you ever had therapy for OCD?

    This is the first post I have ever written about OCD it's been apart of my life for so long and I haven't told anyone about it except my best friend so I live with it somehow. I have good and bad periods but it's this snxiety/panic thing that just hit me last year that's my big problem:(

    I hope you get some rest and feel better :))

  • I know yes I've had help I've reprogrammed my wiring in the head lol I can get rid of two hard ones each week but only on a Sunday, xxx but others jump in as well. I also suffer anxiety and panick attacks, been doing so well its the cleaning everything has to be in place and spotless. I usually can cope and tell em to sod off at times, son reason. This week. I cant sleep if jobs aren't done. I am shattered. I'm a counter too my numbers can only be 1,2,4,5,7,8,10, ect cant have 6 inn or anything multiplied by six like 12, 18,24, etc I never thought id meet anyone with numbers ever ty for that xxx Mandy following you xxx

  • Yes I don't like 6 either and numbers that add to 6 such as 24 - 2+4= 6

    What about letters I can't look at certain letters such as D (death) etc.

    Such a silly disorder

  • No letters are fine. Just numbers lol I know bloody daft aren't we. I would love to get through a day without my brain saying you aint done it right. Lol wishfull thinking.xxxmandy

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