Sat in tears reading all these posts. I am not alone.

[dalrimple]

Hi all,

Im new here. Its currently 12.16am and i'm sat in the silence of my home struggling with my anxiety and fears. I have suffered for the past 13 years but i have never been able to log on and bring myself to do a Google search. I now need some support. I cant go on any longer feeling this way.

SO... 13 years ago i was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety, up until late 2011 i was managing it through breathing. Due to being in my twenties my previous Dr wasn't supportive and told me i was too young to medicate. However due to the anxiety i had awful IBS. This in the end resulted in me never leaving the house. I could spend 4 hours of each day constantly in the toilet. I finally got a Dr to listen and i was prescribed Propanolol and Mabeverine. Over 12 months on and i feel a lot more positive and have controlled the IBS.

However... I have one issue that remains. The thought of it now is making me shake, I don't want to write the words but i have too. Whoa, OK, so here it goes. I have a fear of sick. A HUGE FEAR OF SICK. Up until 30 minutes ago i felt like i was the only one. I felt like i would be laughed at if i even mentioned these words to a Dr. 5 years ago i fell pregnant with my son. I had AWFUL morning sickness (well all day sickness really) I was so poorly knocking my weight down to just 7 stone. Then 2 years later i was exactly the same with my daughter. This time i was sick morning, noon, and night. I think this is where it all stems from. But now i cant even think about sick with our a fear induced attack. I shake, i scream, i cry hysterically and i feel i have no control over this at all. My husband tells me i'm over the top and I'm being silly but i literally feel like i have NO control over my actions. Its like something takes over and there is nothing at all i can do about it.

This PM my son has come home and he was saying he felt ill. I immediately started with a panic attack and end up in the bathroom with anxiety induced IBS. I try to reassure myself and talk to myself but nothing works. I calmed myself and went off to bed. 30 minutes later my poor little man was so sick he was shacking in fear. The worst part, i cant comfort him. I cant do anything at all about it. I immediately start to panic, to shake, to feel ill myself. I'm convinced we all have a bug and that we will all be ill. I have taken some tabs and have tried to go back to bed but its no good. I'm just laid awake waiting for it to happen to me.

This is taking over my life. If someone mentions the word sick i just loose control. I cant hear the noise, see the action or speak the word. I cant comfort my children, i sit in the garden (even in the freezing cold weather, and rain) just to get away from it and to feel like it cant get me if I'm outside. Its like i can see the air is polluted if that makes sense? I was going to ring the Samaritans, to talk to someone, but i don't want to wake the house up. Currently everyone is asleep while I'm left in turmoil. I don't know what to do, I don't know what help i need, or if there is even any help available for me. I have tried to talk to friend about this. My answer 'well nobody likes sick' Its not like that. Its not a case of liking it or not, its a fear induced panic attack at the thought of it. I cant even hear people cough in case it makes them sick.

My fingers and body tremble as i write this. These words cripple me to say. I wish i knew how to turn an OCD anxious mind off, just for a moment and enjoy the peace.

ANY comments would be helpful. Just so i know I'm not alone, in any of this.

Love to you always, and thanks for reading x

[Hidden]

Hey, thanks for replying to my post ^^

Your post reminds me of a video I saw a few days ago: youtube.com/watch?v=xFediSu...(Not working as expected?)

Maybe you can relate a bit, but certainly you are not alone. Lots of people have different phobias. Mine is spiders, most common, but still a fear.

[dalrimple]

Thanks so much for a reply. I will look at the video at a more sociable hour! I've got myself in a right tangle here tonight. Why is it that you can go so long, feeling well and like you are coping and then one incident knocks you straight back down again? It makes me feel like im fighting a loosing battle 24/7 x

[Hidden in reply to dalrimple]

I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel all happy, like no care in the world, and then suddenly a memory from the past and BAM, I'm back to where I was. And then constantly over thinking everything. Not getting sleep etc.. :/

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I actually feel really uncomfortable talking about myself right now, I feel like you're judging me... I'm gonna stop.

[henige in reply to Hidden]

Hi Ariikat,

No one has the right to judge anyone, so never feel uncomfortable about yourself. Keep on talking as this is a good site and people are usually very good at replying and at least you know you are not on your own.

[dalrimple]

WHAT??? I wont ever judge anyone... you know why? Fear of being judged myself. I too feel the same way about things. Ive had about 6 months possibly more where ive been really good. And then tonight my poorly little boy is ill and im right back to the start of the battle. Its awful and a feeling like no other. But i know i will get through it, I just need to get to 6am (this is my time that i work to, my day starts at 6am and i know i can get out the house, yes ok i am odd!) So i have 4 more hours to get through and sodding counting xxx

[Hidden in reply to dalrimple]

I know, but my mind says that I will be judged for writing these comments and opening up.

And I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you feel better soon. xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi ariikat

Just wanted to say hello x the people on this site are really supportive and no one is judging you it's really important to reach out. Keep talking take care x

[Hidden]

Hi dalrimple I just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone. I have a friend who suffered for years with the fear of being sick herself and fearing her children being sick too. She was so fearful that she carried a plastic bag everywhere with her just in case. With the help of medication and counselling she is now really well and enjoying life again. Don't be embarrassed please seek help you don't have to carry on like this. Take care love xx

[loulou66]

just wanted to say hi and the people on here are very suppotive and give really good advise ,they dont judge and listen to you ,i am new on here and the people have been lovely

i would recommend this site to anyone ,keep talking and we are all here for you xx

loulou

[marcusvanbreugel]

Dear Dalrimple,

Welcome to this site. I wish you well.

Kindest regards,

Marcus

[kate6779]

hi,i have just read ur story and i am exactly the same as you. i always thought i was the only one who suffered with this. ive never told anyone about this only my partner because i just thought i was mad. i also have 2 children and if they say there ill i go to bits. my doctor also given me propanolol and fluoxetine for my anxiety and depression. hope you ended up getting some sleep and your lil boy is ok now. take care x

[Kaz12345]

Fear of vomiting is a known phobia and called emetophobia. I don't know if you have ever been on the Mumsnet website. there is a mental health forum on there and some threads on emetophobia. I don't know if perhaps cbt may help. if you cannot get this through your gp you can get it through Anxiety UK.

[sunallaway]

Hello Dalrimple and welcome to the site. You are not alone. I too fear vomitting. Ive suffered anxiety and panic for years now over going to busy places, supermarkets, shopping centres etc (i lose my sight and faint from fear) and a fear of vomitting was never part of it until about 2 or 3 years ago. I think anxiety progresses the longer we suffer it and it seems to grab new ways to make us suffer. I suffer from very bad heartburn and acid and take maximum medication from my dr for the said heartburn. Trouble is heartburn makes me feel nauseaus and the moment that starts im convinced im going to be sick and then the panic starts and I feel faint and have to lie on the floor outside the bathroom until the whole panic/faint/nausea eases before I can even go near the loo. My son is disabled and when he gets sick i go into mad panic incase i catch it and I too, cant bear to be near him while he is actually being sick. I hate myself for it, its my job to comfort him at those times but it really frightens me and sends me into panic mode. I think its the fear of not being able to breathe during the event or choking? Nobody likes being sick but in my 20's I must have been sick many times after too much alcohol on a girls night out and although unpleasant, I never had a phobia about it. I really think it is an extension of my already controlling anxiety issues now. My husband and I wanted another child but we have been unable to do this because of my fear of vomitting. I feel very selfish about this but cannot face the thought of pregnancy nausea. My husband recently bought me a book (after i had a panic attack on a flight last month - first time that ever happened grrr) and it is really helping me to understand things that my 15 months of CBT never did. Google it, its worth every penny, its making me feel much more positive that maybe I can change things. Its called "At last a life, anxiety and panic free" by an ex sufferer called Paul David. Whether he is a genuine ex-sufferer or not, he knows his stuff and i feel that there is hope. Love to you all x

[dalrimple]

Hi all, Thanks for your replies. It really has opened my eyes to see that i am not the only one suffering from this. I was at my worst in 2011/2012 where i spent most my life in the bathroom. It became my 'safe' haven where no germs etc could get to me. I hardly went out etc, you know the routine folks hahaha. But i was medicated, controlled my IBS and have had a brilliant life for the past year. However the sick phobia came back to haunt me the other night. My son after being sick was ok again and touch wood is still ok now. But i feel ropey from the anxiety and panic attack. I soon get over it untill the next time. I get in to such a mind set that i just feel like im going mental. I cant control my thoughts and my mind races away with such silly stuff that, if i re read my post now (which was written in a crap mind set, i think it sounds crazy!!!) So today im having a good day. I WILL go and get some help about the sickness phobia. I think it needs to be over come ASAP so that i can be there for my children when they need me. Luckily they have their dad (my husband) who can comfort them and be there so its not like they are alone x

[agora]

I've read that emetophobia is a common fear, hope that makes you feel in some way better Dalrimple. I'm a sufferer of panic attacks and agoraphobia. I only joined this site today and I'm very surprised that many of you aren't taking medication and seem averse it. In the early to mid 1990's I suffered terribly with constant anxiety, I rejected medication in favour of counselling initially, but I truly don't know how I would have made it here today without medication.