I just want to be me

Hi everyone its been really hard going through panic attacks everyday i am so scared im so unhappy i feel sick all the time....my heart skips beats and at times its beating to fast im always shaking i ccant feel my body like now my arm is just numb it sacres me whem depersonalization comes on i cant get my breath. ...i just dont feel like myself im so sick of going to the ER i just want to feel like myself again im so sick of waking up and feeling like this...i want to do the things i use to do with my husband and kids...can someone please help...

19 Replies

  • Im feelingg the same way since October... I cry everyday

  • I open my eyes in the a.m and the symptoms come... Dizzy, light headed, headache, fast heart beats all day long, skipped beats , loud beats that make me feel worst... Sicker... Head weird semsations.. Pressure on my chest, chest pain.... Omg so such more... I feel like this all day

  • I do to i just feel like i cant be happy no matter how hard i try...


  • I dont go out alone... When im out i feel worst... Its just terrible..... Sometimes i just want to give up

  • I feel exactly the same I don't go alone at all because when I am alone I start feel so dizzy can't even walk and its been two years now going worse day by day ..

  • Hey hunni, I don't know if I can help you but I know I can definitely relate I've been there I remember begging just to feel like me again, I felt like I lost myself lost who I was. It's so very hard but you will get through it. It takes lots of determination and motivation. Are you getting any therapy or taking any pills? i wish you all the best. Stay strong this is just a bad storm. Hugs

  • Thank you so much justbeingme...i am not taking any medicine..amd yes i have started talking to someone. .

  • Hi ladysmith,

    I'm very sorry to read of your struggles with these symptoms-I know how frightening anxiety can be when it reaches that level.

    I used to go days without sleep, have full-blown panic attacks daily ( sometime multiple a day) and in general just felt exhausted and estranged from reality and everyone around me. People would ask how I was, I'd put on a weak smile and mutter "fine, I'm fine.", but inside I felt like screaming "I am dying inside, can't you see?". Finally I said enough is enough, and made an effort to find another way, any other way, to handle these thoughts and the physical sentations they cause. I won't say this was out of strength, or bravery, or any of that-quite simply it was out of desperation. I couldn't and did not want to live like that anymore.

    I began carrying a journal with me whenever I left the house. To school, to work, everywhere. When I felt anxiety coming on, I'd just write. It didn't matter what filled the page, didn't matter if it made any sense, I'd just let whatever was inside pour out. At first it was a tedious process, and felt very counterintuitiive (when you're panic-stricken it's very hard to concentrate on doing anything, as I'm sure you know) but as I did it more & more it became more natural, and eventually I would just grab that journal reflexively. It was my life raft.

    I also began a basic meditative practice each day (nothing crazy, just sitting down with my eyes closed for a few minutes allowing myself to breathe). At first this too was very difficult because I'm a hyper-active person (especially when I'm anxious), but I forced myself to try it because I was so sick of having the oxygen suddenly knocked out of my lungs when a panic attack would hit. This too was been a massive help-another life raft when I didn't feel up to write. Your breathing pattern is so, SO important. This is something I'd completely ignored, always taking shallow, panicked breaths in daily life. Those feelings of intense fear, dread, impending doom, all of it, would wash over me like a wave-but-the wave wouldn't suck me under. I'd allow the emotions to come, allow the thoughts to race, and then they'd pass. Instead of allowing them to become me, I put a space between them and who I really am in that moment through meditation. It's kind of a way to hug the beast (your anxiety) and finding out it's not as strong and powerful as it always appeared. Now, I find it much easier to breathe deeper without thinking about it, and as a result, my baseline anxiety level has gone down A LOT.

    The result of all this is I finally feel at ease and comfortable in my reality on a daily basis. My body used to feel like a delapidated, broken-down ruin which could collapse at any second. Now, it's a home, somewhere I can find solace in, care for, and trust to care for me back. I'm no longer perpetually stuck in a battle with myself.

    I'm not into giving advice idly, and I don't presume to know what will work for you. There is no cure-alI which works for everyone. I just know I was rock-bottom with anxiety, very close to suicide, and these practices helped me begin forming a new life. They helped me feel like a living person again. It was not easy, as I'm sure it will not be easy for you, but just know you CAN do it, you DO have the power to create a change in your own life (whatever you wish that change to be), and there are others who understand and care.

  • Thank you so much inasense that was helpful. .

  • Every word you wrote feels like it was written by me. I relate with what you are experiencing and I know how miserable and helpless it makes you feel.

    I want you to keep one thing in mind nothing can last forever...so shall this horrible condition . It will lose its strength as long as you keep hope.

    I can't say I'm over it 100% but I certainly not at my lowest point anymore ... Once you stop fighting it it will lose its power.

    There some days when I'm home alone and I start feeling dizzy and all those thought rush through my mind but I take a deep inhale and say come what may! I know you might think easy said than done ... For me it's a constant argument in my head between what if thought and calming ones ... I guess what I'm trying to say is just keep telling yourself it will be ok for example if your heart beats fast remember it's your anxiety and nothing more cause I believe you got check during your trips to the ER ... With time you will find more control over your thoughts .

    In addition to that I picked up a couple of new hobbies . I am knitting and trying to learn crochet and other crafts .

    Please don't give up and don't think you'll be like this forever .

    And wheni feel like I miss my old self I think maybe a newer version of me is in process of making a newer strong one!

    God bless you and I hope you get thought this sooner than you think

  • Thank you so much that was truly helpful. ..


  • I totally understand where your coming from. I suffer from constant anxiety. Its very difficult. I don't know how spiritual you are but having faith helps. Trust and know that god has a plan for all of us. Remember nothing lasts forever. I wish you the best.

  • I get the numbness in my body to sometimes in my head or face

  • Ladysmith, know that you are not alone and you are not going crazy. Google depersonalization. I found that the information found on the internet helpful. Focusing on the "depersonalization" and "panic attacks" might cause these feelings to increase. If you can focus on something else or someone else and stay with that thought or activity, you will become less aware of those weird feelings. First of all, if you are physically healthy per ER and doc visits, accept that. See a therapists if possible to get to the root of your feelings. Determining what you are afraid of that cause the panic attacks or anxiety helps. May God help you. Prayed for you.

  • Thank you so much....and i have read about depersonalization before i read about it everyday....thanks for being so supportive and helpful. ...

  • Hey, im going to start by saying..it GETS BETTER & its possible to get better because ive been through similar things. My anxiety got so bad to even leave the house or leave my bedroom at times. I know what its like going through an attack at those times aswell. what you need to do is to recognize when its coming on..and at that moment completely put your attention on to something else other than crying or feeling like you might be dying.. tell yourself, you can do it, you can get through it because you can. and alot of the things we get anxious about we have already done before. we have left the house before, we have worked before, we have went to social events. if we could do it once, we definitely can do it again. Fear is the cause of anxiety. If we let go of fear..anxiety cannot exist. I like to relax in a dark room, drink water, try to calm myself down. I remember that its only in my head, its only fear that i have made. I push myself to get through it. and when i do..its sooooo rewarding. its all about your mindset, you need to change your thoughts and remember youre only being ruled by an emotion that is not factual even though it feels real. you will get through it. you always will.

  • Thank you

  • Hi Ladysmith,

    I'm sorry that you are going through this. It will be 21 years for me dealing with this scary thing called anxiety. I'm getting better because I was told that if you stop being afraid of the anxiety and panic attacks that they will go away and that's TRUE! I stopped being afraid because I know that they WON'T kill me. Just pray when you are having them and breathe. Don't fight the feeling of your symptoms, I know it might sound strange but it helps, believe me. Best wishes to you! Oh, get counseling!

  • I feel exactly the same. I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom but I am yet to find them. I send a hug your way, maybe it will help just for a second.

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