Father needs help!

I feel guilty for even taking all of your time. I am a 41 year old father of 4 with a beautiful successful wife. I have a good job that pays well, but start having horrible anxiety every evening around 10 pm when I start thinking about going to the job the next day. I feel sick thinking about going to work or leaving my family and it is killing me. I work all week and as Friday rolls around I start to feel a bit of calm until I start thinking about heading back on Monday. The problem is that I can't just quit to find something better because I haven't been too good about saving. I fell like my wife thinks I am a huge wuss with all of this anxiety and pressure that hits me. I love my family so much and need to fix this before it really starts to take hold of our home life. Any thoughts would be so helpful. Thank you.

16 Replies

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  • Hello & Welcome

    Please do not apologize you are certainly not taking up any ones time on here , every member is here to ask for support & give support where ever they can

    Anxiety can affect us all in different ways & it can be that we are generally anxious over everything or sometimes it can be the one thing in our lives we are struggling with that creates anxiety within us

    You are at work 5 days a week which if this is causing your anxiety then that is a big part of your life so you do need to address this situation

    I wonder if it is one particular thing about your job that you struggle with , maybe the pressure the job you do is to much or the workload , is there a manager or a colleague you could confide in ?

    I would go & see my doctor & tell them how I am feeling , there is so much support out there , counselling may help to get to the root of all this & your doctor could refer you if you speak to them

    I notice you compare yourself to your wife been beautiful & successful yet I am sure you have your own good qualities to but with anxiety any good qualities we used to see we tend to loose sight of them & instead all we can see are negatives about ourselves , most of which are because we are feeling so bad because we are struggling

    Has your wife really actually said you are a wuss or again is this your anxiety telling you that this is what she thinks about you ?

    Sometimes it can be hard to talk to people really close to us about how we feel especially maybe more so for men as the image we feel society portrays is that a man should be strong & look after his family yet it takes a bigger man to admit they are struggling & I believe every man will at some stage in his life struggle even though they may not admit it

    I hope you get some more replies maybe from some male members that have found themselves in your situation that will give you some constructive advice or at least let you know you are not on your own with how you are feeling because believe me you will not be the only man that has felt like this with anxiety through their work situation there are so many but they struggle in silence & now you have spoken out I hope you will get the support you need from the site as well as maybe your GP

    x

  • Hi there Wiggie, I totally agree with Tigger, she's given great advice, you really must see your Dr and tell him/her how you feel, there is no Shame and there is help to be had, really, it's important to talk with somebody, and soon.

    Best wishes. X

  • Hi :)

    Yes I agree what has been said too.

    Go and see your doctor, write down how you are feeling and show the doctor.

    Maybe keep a journal of your day to day thoughts. Ask your doctor for a referal to talking therepies such as cbt.

    Mindfulness is also proven to improve mood. There are lots of apps/websites that can help such as calm.com and Headspace.

    There are lots of books that can help, one that has helped me which was recommended by my counsellor is called "Overcoming Worry " by Kevin Meares and Mark freeston.

    Hope this helps :) x

  • Thank you so much.

  • You can tell you care very much about your family. You do need to get some therapy help and your Doctor should be able to refer you. When I first started with my anxiety/depression I had a lot on my mind and then my son was ill; it all felt like a black hole had appeared and everything was slowly going in there and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. We can usually cope with one thing at a time but when it all seems to be getting on top of you everything worries you and everything is 100% worse than it is. CBT will help you organise your life.

  • Thank you very much. I have put myself in this situation and I just have to fight my way back. I feel like I don't want to ever be away from my family but I know that isn't the healthiest thing either. I just want to breathe normal again and not feel this huge pressure inside of my chest. Thank you again. I hope your situation has gotten better.

  • Hi Wiggie, You are not taking up anyones time unnecessarily at all. Ditto to all that's already been said. Perhaps you are feeling pressure being the "Bread winner" and you feel you would let your lovely family down if you quit. Im pretty sure thats not the case but its sensible to keep the job going in these poor economic climates at the moment. you don't say if you have confided in your lovely and successful wife (perhaps you are also feeling a bit less than worthy there too!) You will probably find that she would be gutted to find you have been going through all this turmoil on your own. Don't forget your lovely and successful wife also loves you - she might me on another site as we speak typing how she knows something is upsetting her lovely, successful husband!

    You know the anxiety starts about 10pm - break that cycle. do something different before bed. read, listen to music, etc. I wouldn't play computer games of go on a Kindle or similar - these are supposed to be stimuli and you need to relax.

    Confide in your wife.

    Go to the doctors.

    Come on here and get it all off your chest.

    Sue

  • Thank you Sue.

  • Hi sorry you suffering this pain in the butt anxiety I to have felt tnis way before going to work ,do speak to someone I left it so long as I kept thinking it would sort itself ,but you know its just a very tired mind ,family and frends can be a support but unless you,ve been here you cant really understand how awfull it can be, I suggest a book to people all the time,,it saved me really,,,its called,,AT LAST A LIFE BY PAUL DAVID,,,its a book I will keep for life ,I came across this sight and wanted to support people going through this ,I know the fear and panic that arises just wandering if its ever going to go away ,,,IT WILL,YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT ,but get started now dont fight this except it ,your not mad ,its not going to kill you,its thoughts creating all this garbage take it from one that felt like so scared they were never going to get better you will start your journey now ,good luck

  • Thank you so much. I will get that book and really start to dig in. I just can't seem to breathe. Life shouldn't be this tough.

  • Hi try breathing ,take a deep breath in cou t to4or5 and slowly breath out it works,also look into meditating its easy you can do a little any chance you get or download some nice music thiers a guy called glen harrold,and a cd called ,comp,ete relaxation its very good the guy got a strong london acsent but it really helped me ,this might not be you but I am great believer in gaurdian angels if not then you can write how your feeling down now ,date it and look back in weeks or months you,ll start today take controll of your mind,bye for now I am here to help,,,,

  • Thank you. I will try anything.

  • Hello they are your problems and something must be causing this problem.

    In the past I have heard about this and you need to decide what is causing it as far as I understand it is a fear.

    Are you having problems at work or do you feel your wife is the major bread winner Are your children ok at school there generally needs to be something that is making you feel that way

    Are you not performing well at work or is their someone in the office that is causing grief. Could it just be you do not like your position and are just staying there because of your family and money.

    When you wrote your script you made a point of your wife having a very good position.

    Most probably it is generally called Monday Morning Blues and you have had a productive weekend with those who love you. If that is the case most of the population can suffer from that and sometimes they may feel resentful having to go to work

    The other problem are your children, during the week does the kids need to be in Nursery School or College etc, would you call them LATCH KEY KIDS who have to wait for you or your wife coming in later in the evening. Some parents may have a feeling of guilt that this is the case as again at weekend you are all together and play as a team ?? if you are having anxiety you need to see the GP, although if you know the answer, possibly you can think cause and effect, and try and work around the problem

    Just a thought

    BOB

  • Hi Wiggie,

    you are not alone. I went through this 2 years ago. I had a job that was stressing me out so much i brought work home almost every night. I ended up with severe anxiety,insomnia and suffered from depression. I almost had a mild stroke until i went to the emergency cause i had a severe migraine headache and my left arm was numb. The Dr took me off of work for a month and i went on disability and went to stress management classes. This helped me tremendously but i decided my only option to feel better was to leave this job so i did. I began to look for work and landed a good job 2 months later.I think you should see a Dr before your symptoms get worse. I also take vitamin B and omega 3s it help with stress and anxiety. Wish you the best!

  • Thank you for your post. It feels like a revolving door that will never stop. I just want to enjoy life and be with my family. Maybe I just need to be around people all of the time. Never thought of myself as that guy but maybe that is me. I hope you are well.

  • You are welcome Wiggie surround yourself with fun and loving supportive people. I would take on a hobbie or join a gym if you havent good way to relieve stress and meet people. I am doing much better.(:

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