I've suffered with depression since I was 14, GAD since I was sexually assaulted in 2010 and Agoraphobia since I was sexually harassed at work mid-august.
So far i've been managing to get out of the house and have extended my 'safe' places to include my local areas. However since last sunday i've experienced a few setbacks.
First was being triggered by watching an episode of The Walking Dead that involved an attempted rape. I could see it coming but that didn't really make it any easier for me to watch. I sat transfixed to the spot, my chest tightening and my heart racing. I spent that night crying before finally drifting off to sleep with the help of some Nytol.
Later in the week I had an appointment with a sexual assault referral centre which, whilst a step in the road to recovery, was not a pleasant experience. Whilst I wasn't nervous about talking about my experiences I did encounter a slight problem with location. The middle of the city centre, at lunch hour on a heavily student populated street. I managed the walk but i've noticed i'm nervous when I go out again.
And my latest hump; a job interview. So needless to say I want to get out of security because I really can't handle that **** right now. I've been looking into admin work and received a phone call for a position. The interview is tomorrow and i'm now debating whether to go (i'm forcing myself to go regardless). I'm nervous and anxious. I'm going to be going into an environment with which I am unfamiliar. This has got me questioning myself. I'm also angry that I feel this way. I'm angry that my boss hasn't been in contact whilst i've been signed off and fed up of chasing information on what's happening re the guy who did this to me.
I'm sat here crying wishing I could stop but knowing that it needs to come out.