Is it ok to cry?

Is crying sometimes healthy? I've not cried for months and I've had ALOT of stress added to my anxiety that has made me very susceptible to that lump in the throat, closing up throat, you know, that feeling of needing to cry but it gets exaggerated. I've refused to cry. But today, some very stressful things ensued when my father in law tried to force me to face a huge fear of mine--one that can and will be conquered but needs to be done in small steps--not jumping from A to Z by the snap of the fingers. He kept me in that uncomfortable zone against my wishes, thinking it was helping me and then told me some very hurtful things that have triggered the whole anxiety response to begin with. Some deeply personal stuff. When I finally got back home, I started crying--I couldn't control it any longer. And I've been crying off and on for a few hours. I stop for a few hours and my husband mentions it again and it triggers me to cry some more. It's like all my anguish is coming out in tears now. Like I've kept it pent up for months. I just don't want it to harm me or make me sick. My chest is kinda right now from all the upsetness and I'm very tense but I'm thinking all that crying will help alleviate my "throat closing" problem since it only came around when I was emotionally bothered or upset. In fact, I've not had that lump in the throat feeling SINCE I've been crying lol. Sure, my throat feels tense and a little sore but that sensation I've had for a few weeks is gone. Any of you ever experienced this? I do think I discovered my main root of what caused my anxiety this year to begin with--family rejection. I didn't realize I've been hurting for this long!! Like, wow, I'm hurt! When people you love dearly and have been around your whole life keep telling you how worthless you are, I guess eventually it can make your self confidence plummet. I remember being told that for the last time nearly a year ago & I broke down crying (I rarely cry) & never felt the same since. Hypochondria began to kick in and whenever the subject of my family came up, I had to avoid it. I was told today my grandmother said some terribly untrue things about me to everyone in my hometown and then went to my then fiancé's family and told them I was not of high enough quality for their son, I have problems and I'm trouble. I've spent my whole life trying to win their love and acceptance by being an overachiever and only this year I have crashed. Could I be on to something here? How do I let this go? I love them SO much but I can't make them love me. I can't be hurt anymore.

14 Replies

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  • I'm so sorry for your pain.Family can be strange. I know I'd rather shut people out than deal with pain of rejection but it always catches up with me. Maybe we need to think of better ways to cope with a problem immediately rather than letting it fester. That's why we always end up with unexplained aches and pains. Hope you feel better soon.

  • Thank you livm! I thought I dealt with it long ago but apparently I didn't. I agree! I was asking my Mon earlier how to deal with this and let it go. I'm ready to be happy and free again! We will get through this anxiety stuff. Thank you for replying! :)

  • Oh misty this is heartbreaking :(

    Just like letting it all out by a good vent.

    Crying Is a good way to release all that negative energy today I felt like I was going to loose control. I started crying saying everything that was bothering me to my mom and afterwards I felt better. She got mad at me for letting it win in reality I let it out I didn't want it to consume me.

    I told my partner that if I cry it out not to take it personally and that its just me letting out the frustration and to just hug and hear me out. He's been supporting me on it and it's brought us closer. He used to get frustrated cause he didn't know what to do.

    As for your family, I know you love them but are you willing to have hurtful people around you??

    My FIL lost my respect after he did some things now when we have gatherings, I know it's childish but everyone agrees they would do the same, I act like he doesn't exsist. There's just people who don't belong.

    And all that bent up emotion is bad for you that's why you would get your throat symptoms, now that your body had a good cry it will relax :)

    Take care

    Hugs

    Yaz

  • Oh girl, I let it out and would be okay for awhile and it would pour out uncontrollably again later lol. Just isn't me but apparently I had a lot built up! I've not had the throat closing mechanism today. I think it was my need to release all that! It just has me wore down today and it has triggered my health anxiety some for fear of "Is that going to make me susceptible to getting sick again?" But I'm trying to push that thought away because I think I needed to do that. It just lasted most the day! I'm so glad your partner understands and is there for you! My Mom says similar things but clearly, holding everything in will catch up to you anyway. I'm sorry you have to do that at family gatherings. That would be awkward. My grandparents stopped inviting me, my Mom and brother, my aunt and cousins to all holiday events--even to just visit them at home. They didn't come to my wedding in September even though it was walking distance from their house. They only accept my uncle and his 3 kids now. That's it. They talk bad about everyone including extended family. It's difficult because my grandmother had cancer 3 years ago and since we were so close to them to suddenly them not wanting us around, it hurts because what if something bad happens, you know? I don't want to live with that. But at this point, I've done all I can and have to accept it. Thank you, Yaz. :)

    Hugs!

  • Crying releases hormones so yeah, it does give release but too much can just tire you out. Sorry you feel that way, ive been there.

  • It has definitely tired me out today lol

  • Hell Misty

    I have had family problems over many years now and people who should love and support you should not expect to do you down. Under these circumstances I would wipe the floor with them. My problems started many years ago when I was a child and were just as bad several years ago, I am now sixty four and have completely cut them off now and We have moved away to a different part of the County.

    I do not know how old you are so I cannot advise you on a way forward all I can say is dis the lot of them, you could be better off on your own. You say untrue things have been said to the boyfriends parents and I gather the relationship you had has ended. This interference is totally wrong, this happened to me in my teens and this eventually ended very badly. I fell in line and this I believe was a template for some of my future problems. Personally I would tell them all to BACK OFF.

    I do not know how your anxiety attacks your life and you say that you get lumps in your throat, this is a normal feeling and if anyone is saying any different is very wrong.

    You also say, I understand that they are telling people you are a hypochrondriac The condition to you is very real and again they have no right to broadcast that fact.

    Possibly if not already I would discuss your condition with your GP and assistance can be given

    Good Luck

  • Thank you so much for your advice! I just turned 30 a few weeks ago. :) It helps knowing that other people have had similar experiences with family. I have stayed away from my grandparents for a year now (They asked me to although I sincerely don't know why other than they said I was hopeless and a disappointment because I didn't go to Auburn University to get a computer science degree...instead, I majored in Music and English at a local university.) So, they have made it easy to cut them off this year. It just yesterday, I learned that painful information from my Father-in-law (I married my boyfriend in September. His family didn't tell us this then.) My grandparents were trying to convince them to talk my boyfriend out of marrying me. They know he was my first crush growing up and that we had something special since I was 15. I've always loved God, made good grades in school, never got into partying, drinking or smoking, drugs, etc. I've always been an old soul for my age and someone who just loves to help people. So, them saying that stabbed me yet again without me having to see them. I must say, I was considering visiting them again because i'm trying to do things right and be respectful of my elders and loved ones but this just totally changed my mind on that. Like you said, I need to cut them off and move on. They keep up with my life via my mother, whom they also reject and mistreat but they seem to play on her feelings for acceptance from them just enough to keep the details on all of our rejected ones' lives. They have done so much to smear things in my face and other members of my family. I think this along with some of the stuff I saw growing up may be a contributor to my hypochondria now. I had overcome it but it came back nearly a year ago when my grandmother rejected me again. Out of the blue.

    I believe you are right about the lump in my throat. It has improved since I cried off and on all day yesterday. Amazing what anxiety can do, isn't it?

    Yes, I think they may have told many of my hypochondria issue...but they say it as in I am crazy. When in reality, I think it is simply a reaction to their craziness. My doctor knows of my struggle with this and knows me very well lol. Since my Mom used to work for him for many years and my aunt and cousin still work for him. So, I have great confidence in him. :)

    Thank you so much!!

    Misty

  • Hello Misty

    If you feel at any time the relationship between GP and family is too close try and visit another GP in your surgery for one occasion, That may give you a fresh outlook regarding your condition

    All the best

    BOB

  • Thank you, BoB! I have actually had to do that before when my doctor was booked. Thankfully, the part of my family that works for him is not the side of the family that has caused me so much heartache. Otherwise, I would change doctors completely. :)

  • Hiya

    The girl I split with a year ago, for 5 years she never accepted that I love her. She would tell me she was crazy about me then she would find a reason to believe I did not love her. It was terribly confusing and I began to suffer about a year after we parted.

    I don't know a lot about your situation but yes I cry. I try to cry when nobody is around and sometimes it helps. Two weeks ago I just about made it to my car at the end of my work day before breaking down. I could not face going home so called to see my Mum who lives a mile away.

    I am finding things tough now but I am hoping the tears and sadness now will take me forward.

  • I'm sorry about that! It reminded me of my first relationship that lasted 5 years and he just disappeared on me...wasn't even going to tell me he was breaking up with me. That stuff is tough. I hope you feel better! I've been down because I've not been able to drive myself alone, stay at work alone or stay home alone for fear of having these panic symptoms hit me. The family stuff only added to it. But, everything happens for a reason and it will pass! Thank you for sharing that with me. :)

  • I understand about not wanting to be alone. Right now not being alone is a big challenge and I sometimes fear for the future.

    But, getting there, one step at a time one say at a time.

    This forum helps too :-)

  • This forum does help! Especially in seeing that you're not alone. I've conquered this before, and I believe that I can again! It isn't any way to live, that's for sure. Thank you for your encouragement. :)

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