Really not in a good place

My 9 yr old is saying he is not going to school because he wants to look after me. I'm not sure if he is telling the truth or not.

I had a talk with my husband and told him some home truths, I still feel though it is all my fault for being like this.

I've rung the doctors this morning and put a rocket up their bums, for Wednesdays appt and the fact the dr hasn't rung me back, I said I wanted to put a complaint in but the practice manager isn't in until next week. I told them I feel like I am not being taken seriously, I am not getting better even with trying, my family seems to be falling down around me etc. I cried as well.

I feel really anxious and I have to make this bloody cake.

My husband said I don't need to talk to him about how my day has been because I have you lot!!!!!! I also said we seem to live totally independent life's he said that's right we shouldn't be together 24/7 I said we don't talk about anything, he doesn't tell me what his family are doing etc. I also told him I don't want to go out with him because he will push me too far, scare me silly and shout at me. Also he has made no effort at all to understand my illness I've been off work since April with it, I've told him I don't think he cares for me, he never rings or texts during the day to ask how everything is. I don't feel I can put me trust in him to look after me.

I am really really fed up and don't know where to turn. I had a dream the other night and my mum appeared in it, when I mean appeared I didn't dare open my eyes because I thought I would see her, it was so vivid.

I really need some help.

Bits of that were positive and bits not!!!

Sorry to rant, off to start icing this cake now xxxxx

12 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hey you...... I think you are doing unbelievably well under the circumstances and I don't think I would be able to cope as well as you............

    I don't think your husband is helping with your anxiety and I believe you are going to relate for help with this?? Hopefully your gp appointment will help too, but just try and sort one problem at a time, and try make time for you to relax,,, hard I know, but our fears fuel the symptoms of anxiety..........

    Good luck hun........

    Ker xx

  • Hello

    Do you need urgent assistance to call the crisis team

    What happened when you set the rocket at the GP surgery

  • Hello Winter

    Think that husband might need a rocket next ;)

    Seriously though I think you're doing great...just look at the pic of that last cake of yours.

    I'm lucky with my husband - we met at a life skills course when I was in my first battle with anxiety (and I was a lot worse then - I'd only eat a packet of hula hoops a day and outdoors I would run from place to place) I'm glad he is around to remind me how much worse I've been in the past...

    Hope to see your next cake:)

    sam x

  • I've now managed to speak to the dr. He has said sorry for not getting back to me, this time I've poured my heart out and cried. He has given me some Valium!!!!! I've got to go and get it at some point.

    I'm a little bit scared about taking them!

  • If they are going to settle you down so take them

  • Oh Winter

    Well first you son made me smile

    My son , is the one that seems to be very protective towards me , the girls they love & care for me , but my son well , he seems to look out for me alot

    He never liked school , so would often try & find any excuse not to go

    He would say I will stop at home & look after you when I wasnt well , think if I had let him , it would have consisted of a day on the XBOX , so used to say thank you , but I will be fine , you go & have a good day :)

    Just check with your son everything is OK at school , let him no he can always talk to you about anything that is bothering him & of to school he goes :-/

    Now hubby , well I would like to come over there & sort that one out & could get there pretty easy , because he makes me go grrrrrrrr

    If it was me & I dont no if you could do this , but over the years I have learnt to , I would say , I have enough problems of my own & for now , you are going to have to go on the back burner , as to speak , as you are not helping , I will deal with you at a later stage when I am strong enough & thats not now

    I would sing in my head over the top of all his comments & focus on what I need to do for me , I no you may fins that a struggle , as of course we want the one person that should love & support us to be there , but sometimes , they are not & when this happens i have to push them to one side

    Your dream , maybe your mum was there , i dont think they ever leave us & when we are in real bad times , i think what you dreamed was her letting you no she was still around , loving you

    Its been 10 years since I lost my Mum & sometimes , when things are really bad & this might sound crazy , but I have been doing something & felt a calmness & that someone is behind me , i have even turned round thinking its been my son & yet no one is there , but I have felt a presence & I do believe that has been my Mum , maybe she is saying I am still here , try & take some comfort in your dream

    I think you are the most loving , talented , kind thoughtful , person I have come across , if your hubby cant see that , its his loss , but I am glad you are on here with us all , or it would have been our loss

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  • Thank you Whywhy, no one has ever said that about me. I'm crying now, I always feel that I am hard work to live with. I'm always made to feel that I am useless and no good. I don't know what to say now!!xxxx

  • Oh

    I wasnt suppose to make you cry :o

    You are far from useless , & as for not been any good , you are to good , a massive heart & thats why we get people taking advantage of us , because we are to good & to loving & thats why we hurt so much at times , but you will learn slowly learn , you may never be as tough as old boots as they say , but you will learn to ride over the comments & have more faith in yourself , it takes time , but I have every faith in you :)

    xxx

  • Winter , I take them & have a med fear , a massive one , they are fine hun , dont be afraid of them , they wont harm you , they will relax you & thats what you need at the moment

    I promise you they can be a life saver when you feel like you do , short term maybe , but they are

    You will be fine , promise you :)

    xxx

  • Thank you xxx

  • Hi winter, you sound like a wonderful caring person who wears her heart on her sleeve:)

    Whywhy is right take the meds if only for a short time, just to help you through the rough patch.

    We are here for you, Always happy to help:)) Hugs xxx

  • Hey Winter!

    You are doing really well in terms of addressing what's causing you anxiety...you have everyone's support on here even if your not getting it at home.

    Xx