i feel like no one really cares and i feel so alone and lonely. the one person i could've relied on also left. okay i mean fine i said and did something i shouldn't have and i thought it was just some joke or something until he took it for real while i was still joking!! and hell i am sorry and im begging him to forgive me but no...he is avoiding my msgs, my calls and even texted me saying he's going...and well he is gone..like poof!! GONE!!! and it was that we were close, no. it was just a few weeks friendship but idk why i feel like i tend to push away every single person that walks into my life but i swear i never meant to hurt him and i swear im really really sorry but feels like now he also doesn't care!! idk y but i feel like im a bad bad person who deserves this. like every time i try to be happy or any time i am happy and then life just turns to me saying "NO KANIKA YOU CANT BE HAPPY!!!!" like why?? for once i just wanted someone to just be there for me...and when i did i just have to have to do something so lame and stupid that would cause me chocking right now. i cant tell this to anyone cause its kinda complicated cz they despise the one guy i found to be the sweetest. i mean how can people be so mean to someone who is so good right?? and then i too had to act like one of them and when i was just playing but guess it hit him too hard!! do i deserve this?? i mean i have tried my best to ask him to forgive me and i know he is hurting but for once doesnt he even bother to give me one chance? just one to just tell him that how wrong he thinks of me ?? and then tomorrow is supposed to be my 11 months with my partner who i cant even contact. how much more lonely can one feel.. and i dont know what to do... i wasted my whole day...i have exams in 12 days and i cant concentrate and my nightmares and anxiety is rocking at its best!! i muss be insane to feel this way but all i can do is cry.....i really don't know what to do....its been one of the worst days ever!!!