Like every time i am happy and then life just turns to me saying "NO YOU CANT BE BE HAPPY, YOU DONT DESERVE IT!!"

[kanikarawat102]

i feel like no one really cares and i feel so alone and lonely. the one person i could've relied on also left. okay i mean fine i said and did something i shouldn't have and i thought it was just some joke or something until he took it for real while i was still joking!! and hell i am sorry and im begging him to forgive me but no...he is avoiding my msgs, my calls and even texted me saying he's going...and well he is gone..like poof!! GONE!!! and it was that we were close, no. it was just a few weeks friendship but idk why i feel like i tend to push away every single person that walks into my life but i swear i never meant to hurt him and i swear im really really sorry but feels like now he also doesn't care!! idk y but i feel like im a bad bad person who deserves this. like every time i try to be happy or any time i am happy and then life just turns to me saying "NO KANIKA YOU CANT BE HAPPY!!!!" like why?? for once i just wanted someone to just be there for me...and when i did i just have to have to do something so lame and stupid that would cause me chocking right now. i cant tell this to anyone cause its kinda complicated cz they despise the one guy i found to be the sweetest. i mean how can people be so mean to someone who is so good right?? and then i too had to act like one of them and when i was just playing but guess it hit him too hard!! do i deserve this?? i mean i have tried my best to ask him to forgive me and i know he is hurting but for once doesnt he even bother to give me one chance? just one to just tell him that how wrong he thinks of me ?? and then tomorrow is supposed to be my 11 months with my partner who i cant even contact. how much more lonely can one feel.. and i dont know what to do... i wasted my whole day...i have exams in 12 days and i cant concentrate and my nightmares and anxiety is rocking at its best!! i muss be insane to feel this way but all i can do is cry.....i really don't know what to do....its been one of the worst days ever!!!

[kanikarawat102]

it wast my partner but a stranger who turned into a friend...and friendship is dear to me and he actually seemed like he really care... he listened to me...everytime... no matter what time or hour it was...be it 2am... he was there awake to listen to me at one call/msg. and that hurt. i wish i could explain it in a bit better way... ya know like...what actually happened... all i was doing was copy and pasting what he typed..and none of it meant to be for real or for what i felt... specially when i had told him like a million times that he is not wat he feels/thinks of himself...he too is going through stuff and i continuously supported him...even though it meant i would have to talk bout my close friends but i looked at the situation from his sight.. and i even told him they dont care.... but for everything i did for him...i didnt even get a chance to explain myself... he killed our supportive and true friendship in a second.. and that really hurts... i mean actually thought he is genuine... Nd that i would at least get one chance to just explain myself... but all i got was him gone!! and i havent talked to him since 24 hours. and i miss him..idk y.. but i do... i mean our friendship was maybe just more than a weeks.. but ughhhh idk!!

thanks a lot though.... at least you botherd to reply!! :))

[kanikarawat102]

well that gives me a little hope! thank you so much cd3244 i hope so... but mean i do have a best friend or supposed to have one... but she doesnt even care bout me i feel... at times and so i stopped talking to her...i even had feelings for her which i wont ever admit to her...but i just miss the good old days

[Hidden]

Tell yourself you do deserve to be happy and stop being so negative.

Instead of phoning or texting why not try the old fashioned method of writing a letter on paper saying all the things that you want to say, post it to their address and see what happens. If you don't get a reply then maybe it's time to move on or try another method.

[kanikarawat102 in reply to Hidden]

i wish i could....but as i said...he was a stanger.. turned into a good friend within a few days... and i dont even know where he lives... i mean i where...but i got no address.... and we were supposed to meet the first time we got into a fight and i regret this so much...and idk y.... but im still waiting in hope he might come back or sth... i just hope he is okay... i just wanna talk to him n no one else cz i had only him... and now even a true friend is gone....idk...im to blame myself...i hate myself for this!!

[Hidden in reply to kanikarawat102]

Maybe you could give him some space and he might come around.

[kanikarawat102 in reply to Hidden]

i am..... but he seems to be gone....he isnt anywhere n its not like he's ignoring me....he is just gone..,

[Hidden in reply to kanikarawat102]

You will just have to wait for a while longer them and see if he comes around.

[kanikarawat102 in reply to Hidden]

thank you so much for the help and understanding me!!

[Hidden in reply to kanikarawat102]

It's OK ☺