Anxiety Story

Hi all, this site has changed a lot since I last used it. I am having a really sad time at the moment and I thought I would right a little passage about my anxiety for you all to read in the hope some of you get some support. It is very metaphorical! But this is how I see my anxiety! :) Enjoy!

My anxiety - The scar that unravels.

My anxiety i like a wound in my heart. It is the result of my parents divorce: the shock, the secrets, the change completely altered my life. At the time I was completely OK, but slowly a couple of months later a wound began to show on my heart. At first, I didn't know what it was. I felt very alone and frightened, I didn't want to tell anyone what it was. The wound bled every day internally, until eventually I couldn't hide it anymore and I told someone. Like with any wound I went to the doctor and given a bandage. It took a year to heal, the bandage kept falling off, util eventually I added some cotton wool, which formed a soft layer between the wound and heart and stopped the bleeding. The comfy cotton wool was soon forgotten, but it left a small scar.

Years later, more hardships occurred and a small pain where the scar was began to appear. After a year, the scar had re-opened and the wound re-appeared only a lot deeper this time. After a year of stress, being hit feeling vulnerable, pressured and exposed, the cotton wool fell off and the wound bled and bled. It was harder to control this time.

Waiting for help was the worst bit. I lost my family, my friends, my house and my security. I bled internally everyday; diagnosed and afraid I lost my dignity. The bleeding on the inside began to show on the outside. I grew pale, stopped eating, grew thin, I had bad side-effects and eventually lost all my independence and was in too much worry to even walk to the bathroom.

Finally, I was referred to someone who could help. Stepping out from under the dark hole I was now consumed with I released I had spent so long alone with the wound, studying it and thinking about it that I had actually become a master at managing it. I had bottled it all up, and talking to someone who had a similar wound made me feel so much better. I sat and let my wound bleed out, until it finally stopped and then I took a needle and thread and applied a stitch across the wound, it was time to sow it back together. I was only 18.

Over a year the wound was slowly sowed up and a couple of years later, thanks to a counsellor from mind, a woman helped me remove these stitches, which had began to ache. There was no wound anymore, just a faint scar.

My scar is now on my heart forever and I have to learn to live with it. I am now 23 and a teacher. I live with the scar everyday.Occasionally if it is picked at it stings and bleeds a little but it reminds me that I can fight anything.

I consider it my badge of honor. Pain is hard to forget but I remember I fought a dark world and I survived. I can do anything.

Every time the wound bleeds a little, which it does occasionally it heals up quicker.

And I say to myself - don't worry you are still healing. No fear.

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8 Replies

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  • HI Mary, I dont think we have spoken before so I take this opportunity to say Hi, Im Donver x

    :) What a lovely post to read x I do like to know how people battle with there anxiety demon and its so nice to see there is another side to it all x Ty for sharing x Donver x

  • Hi Mary:)

    That was a lovely post.

    Keep up the good work:) xx

  • Hello Mary,

    Wow what a great post to read I read it twice. Thank you for sharing it made so much sense to me.

  • What a lovely post thanks for sharing it with us. love darkangel xx

  • Thank you for sending this post. It was told very eloquently.

    MR

  • Hi everyone, thank you so much! I just wanted to write about how it felt. I hope you are all OK. :) xx

  • Hi Maryhig

    Your post is quite beautiful, poignant and meaningful and I am so sorry you are feeling a little sad at the moment.

    You have learned to handle your anxiety so well and your story is full of strength and bravery, I do hope you feel better soon.

    I wish you all the very best. X

  • hi mary, what a fight you have had, that post said it all, so poignant,and so well put, from the depths of despair to real hope if you fight this awful thing called anxiety, lovely post. love jasper xx

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