This is my story (dealing with anxiety)

[ZoeAllegra]

(Long post)

Hello Everyone, I would like to properly introduce myself and the challenges I am going threw.

I am 17 years old, going on 18 in February, I live in the USA in a small town in Oregon.

I have been living and dealing with anxiety since the summer before 7th grade, (almost 7 years now)

I used to be a normal active teen, hanging out with friends, going to parks, stores and school.

One day as me and my family were down town for a event I passed out and woke up with paramedics and 100+ people standing around me, I was rushed to the hospital and was discharged a few hours later feeling fine. About 2 weeks later I was at the park with a friend I passed out again, This is where my anxiety began, I had my first major attack at a friends in the middle of the night and had to have my mom come get me, I felt like I was dying so she took me to the hospital. Was told it was just anxiety and to go home and try to relax.

Around 8th grade I started getting better I was able to go to school, stay at my best friends house, walk around down town. I was finally happy again. Then my step dad who I love so much was diagnosed with heart failure. We spent the next few months watching him go down hill, At the hospital all the time, Saw him have 2 heart attacks (terrifying). 9th grade he got really bad and was emergency life flighted to a place 6 hours from us. We were told he wasn't going to make it. He is my dad he's been with my mom and us since I was 7 years old, Hearing this shocked us. We sat by his bed side for a month. Finally he was ready for a open heart surgery, they told us he had a 50% chance of making it.

It was a very stressful time, But he made it thankfully.

Another month goes by and he's still at the hospital healing. Me my mom and little sister (who's 12) were at my uncles resting. I was a awakened to a loud thumping sound, I get up to find my mom having a seizure, I never seeing this before freaked out screaming me and my sister were home alone, in a town we don't know, I had to call the ambulance, I thought I was going to loss my mom and my step dad. The ambulance came and helped her. Around this time my anxiety had returned and was 100x worse then it has ever been before. My step dad was finally release and we were able to go home. Sadly my mom started having more and more seizures, It got to a point where she was having 4+ plus a day, If you have never seen someone have a seizure let me tell you it is one of the scariest things to watch and see.

My anxiety was so bad I was in constant fear of losing my mom and or step dad.

One night my mom disappeared at around 10 at night, she walked out of our house. We believe she had a seizure before hand because she gets a little confused after one. We spent the whole night looking for her cops and search teams as well.. at around 6-7 am I got the worst news I could have possibly have heard. They found my mom but she had passed away, she had drowned in the river near our house..

I didn't know what to think, do or feel. I went into horrible shock for days. My mom was my best friend, the only one I could talk to about my anxiety and understand me, She was the one I would go to crying to in the middle of the night because I was having a panic attack.

Ever since she has been gone I'm the worst I have been, and I just keep getting worse, I do not get out of bed, I don't eat, I'm in a panic attack 24/7 I feel like I'm dying all the time. I have been to the doctors more times then I could tell you, They all seem to believe its anxiety. I just cant believe it.. I feel so horrible, I have never felt like this before, I'm dizzy all the time, I cant breathe, Chest pains, weakness, trouble swallowing, body pains and lots more. I have lost 30 pounds in 2 months, I looks so ill and my hair is falling out.

I am so happy that I found this site even though I have only been a member for 2 days now

so many people have helped me. It helps so much to have someone to talk to and understand me and not judge me for the way I feel. I've lost all my friends due to my anxiety and now depression, So many family members are sick of me, I call and text them all day and night about my problems and worries.

I either sleep for days or stay up for days with the fear I will die in my sleep.

Sorry for such a long post. I just want everyone to know my anxiety story, Most of this I have never shared with anyone before.. But I feel safe here. If anyone would ever like to talk with me please message me, I love talking with new people and It helps my attacks when I have someone to talk with.

Thank you for your time Xxx

[H1n1333333]

Hi Zoe it seems like you have been through a lot and are still very young, I hope you can stay strong . I only just joined this site as well , I might not know what to say but i am wishing you well

[ZoeAllegra in reply to H1n1333333]

Thank you for your kind words

I try to stay strong but its hard.

I wish the best of luck to you as well (:

[Nat95]

Hi, I'm Natalie, 18 almost 19 and would love to be your pen pal if you ever want to talk and just have someone to vent to

[ZoeAllegra in reply to Nat95]

Hi, Natalie nice too meet you (:

That would be awesome to have you to talk to, do you want me to message you threw here? Or possibly do you have a kik? Much easier to text and reply faster.

Xxx hope to hear from you soon.

[ZoeAllegra]

Thank you <3

[ZoeAllegra]

Thank you so much for all your kind words they mean alot and I appreciate it <3

I have not yet to see a counselor as my doctor is trying to find the best fit for me and my needs, I have been told I have the worst anxiety they have ever dealt with..

I'm so happy I found this place with all these wonderful people who know what I'm going threw and can relate. Xxx

[ZoeAllegra]

I have been to the doctors many times at least once a month they don't seem to help me at all. I tried looking for a online group for teens going threw the same as me with no luck.

Thank you for your reply (:

[ZoeAllegra]

Thank you so much I'll check them out!

[Hidden]

Oh my gosh, reading your story choked me

up. I am really close to my mom and could not imagine what you have been through. If you want to message me, feel free to do so. I will not be bothered and though I cannot say I understabd the pain you have gone through, I do understand the health anxiety and the fear that something is wrong. My family is tired of hearing my worries, too, so maybe it will help us both to talk about our fears with someone who shares the same/similar ones.

[ZoeAllegra in reply to Hidden]

Me and my mom were really close as well.. It is so hard waking up ever day not seeing her, It puts me into a constant panic attack.

I would love to talk with you and share our stories, fears and the ways anxiety affects us.

-Do you have a kik as it is easier to message and a faster reply.

Talk to you soon (:

[Hidden in reply to ZoeAllegra]

I do not I am on here often, and can message pretty quickly.

[Cwoods]

Wow u are so brave im so sorry u have to go through all of that and your so young but just know that you can pray and I will keep you in my prayers anxiety is very hard and many people who dont suffer from it do not understand how we feel so im happy you found this site continue to be strong.

[Hidden]

Wow, this seriously broke my heart. Im so sorry for your loss and everything you have to go through. I recently messaged you and hope to chat sometime. xx

[XsamieX]

Hi my names Samie I'm 27 I've had panic attacks and health. Anxiety since I was 17 my mum was the only person I could talk to as I was so scared of dieing in my sleep as my brother/grandad and grandma all died in there sleep mum was always there for me but sadly like you I got the dreaded phone call that mum had died in her sleep I later found out I went into totall depression and was in and out of hospital with panic attacks untill I had anof I was in a massive panic attack when I said to myself this is it I've had it with this illness I went to my doc demanded he helped me he put me on meds and I'm now in therapy and it's the best thing I've done I still get the odd attacks but nothing near as bad as before and also I find writing to my mum helps me I keep all the letters in a box it just makes me feel close to her hope u are well and take care Hun xxx

[ZoeAllegra in reply to XsamieX]

I am so sorry for your loss.. It so very hard lossing someone close to you.

Thank you for all your kind words and advice If you ever want to talk feel free to message me(:

[Evey37]

Hi are you feeling any better?? that's a sad story and I'm sorry you lost your mum. It must be horrid for you. You are not alone there are plenty of people on here with the same issues. Are you able to take any medication even for a short while to help you through? This is a fab site I always findyself coming back here.

[ZoeAllegra in reply to Evey37]

Hello, I am not feeling much better, and yes I am on medication for anxiety and depression.

I have only been on here a short time and have found so many awesome people who I talk to that helps me out(:

[Carmel67]

Oh darlin, my heart hurts for you. I can relate in a way. We were told my husband had cancer and it was completely out of the blue. I can honestly say I went into shock. He's been in remission for 8 hrs but I will never get over the shock.

You have had a series of very bad emotional traumas. Even if you didn't have anxiety, it would still knock you on your butt. Through all of this you have to process through stages of grief and I'm quite sure your anxiety is not letting you proceed through them. You have so much emotion -fear,sadness, anger.... Trapped inside. I think your first goal is to get on some meds that work for you. Unfortunately it can be trial and error. Also, set small little goals for yourself. They can be nothing bigger than getting out of bed and heating a can of soup. But you have to feel like you are moving towards some sense of control again. I'm sure you are reeling from feeling like the rug has even pulled out from under you. You have had so little control in the events lately. That is why I tell you to do something little everyday. Prove to yourself that you do still have some control.

I wish there was a magic pill but you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Recovery is NOT linear. You will go ahead three steps then back two. Just remember to keep yourself pointed towards not giving up. There are so many of us here struggling. You are not alone at all.