Hello Everyone, I would like to properly introduce myself and the challenges I am going threw.
I am 17 years old, going on 18 in February, I live in the USA in a small town in Oregon.
I have been living and dealing with anxiety since the summer before 7th grade, (almost 7 years now)
I used to be a normal active teen, hanging out with friends, going to parks, stores and school.
One day as me and my family were down town for a event I passed out and woke up with paramedics and 100+ people standing around me, I was rushed to the hospital and was discharged a few hours later feeling fine. About 2 weeks later I was at the park with a friend I passed out again, This is where my anxiety began, I had my first major attack at a friends in the middle of the night and had to have my mom come get me, I felt like I was dying so she took me to the hospital. Was told it was just anxiety and to go home and try to relax.
Around 8th grade I started getting better I was able to go to school, stay at my best friends house, walk around down town. I was finally happy again. Then my step dad who I love so much was diagnosed with heart failure. We spent the next few months watching him go down hill, At the hospital all the time, Saw him have 2 heart attacks (terrifying). 9th grade he got really bad and was emergency life flighted to a place 6 hours from us. We were told he wasn't going to make it. He is my dad he's been with my mom and us since I was 7 years old, Hearing this shocked us. We sat by his bed side for a month. Finally he was ready for a open heart surgery, they told us he had a 50% chance of making it.
It was a very stressful time, But he made it thankfully.
Another month goes by and he's still at the hospital healing. Me my mom and little sister (who's 12) were at my uncles resting. I was a awakened to a loud thumping sound, I get up to find my mom having a seizure, I never seeing this before freaked out screaming me and my sister were home alone, in a town we don't know, I had to call the ambulance, I thought I was going to loss my mom and my step dad. The ambulance came and helped her. Around this time my anxiety had returned and was 100x worse then it has ever been before. My step dad was finally release and we were able to go home. Sadly my mom started having more and more seizures, It got to a point where she was having 4+ plus a day, If you have never seen someone have a seizure let me tell you it is one of the scariest things to watch and see.
My anxiety was so bad I was in constant fear of losing my mom and or step dad.
One night my mom disappeared at around 10 at night, she walked out of our house. We believe she had a seizure before hand because she gets a little confused after one. We spent the whole night looking for her cops and search teams as well.. at around 6-7 am I got the worst news I could have possibly have heard. They found my mom but she had passed away, she had drowned in the river near our house..
I didn't know what to think, do or feel. I went into horrible shock for days. My mom was my best friend, the only one I could talk to about my anxiety and understand me, She was the one I would go to crying to in the middle of the night because I was having a panic attack.
Ever since she has been gone I'm the worst I have been, and I just keep getting worse, I do not get out of bed, I don't eat, I'm in a panic attack 24/7 I feel like I'm dying all the time. I have been to the doctors more times then I could tell you, They all seem to believe its anxiety. I just cant believe it.. I feel so horrible, I have never felt like this before, I'm dizzy all the time, I cant breathe, Chest pains, weakness, trouble swallowing, body pains and lots more. I have lost 30 pounds in 2 months, I looks so ill and my hair is falling out.
I am so happy that I found this site even though I have only been a member for 2 days now
so many people have helped me. It helps so much to have someone to talk to and understand me and not judge me for the way I feel. I've lost all my friends due to my anxiety and now depression, So many family members are sick of me, I call and text them all day and night about my problems and worries.
I either sleep for days or stay up for days with the fear I will die in my sleep.
Sorry for such a long post. I just want everyone to know my anxiety story, Most of this I have never shared with anyone before.. But I feel safe here. If anyone would ever like to talk with me please message me, I love talking with new people and It helps my attacks when I have someone to talk with.
Thank you for your time Xxx