18 years of morphine (current doses) 120 mg. plus Pregabalin 600mg. Clonazepam 10mg. Duloxetine 10mg. Dihydrocodeine 60mg (take like smarties) plus heart condition meds. 3 weeks back I forgot to put the pregabalin in my "blister" pack so missed it for 3 days - my world went pair shaped - panic, short of breath, no air going in, confusion, uncontrollable crying, feeling of terror, unable to sleep, when I got close to sleep the relaxed stage the feeling would wash over me like a wave,& I would jump up. Been used to hallucinations for years but now they are Terrifying, so disturbing. After 3 days without sleep I rang the gp who sorted me diazepam - one tab on top of everything else and I slept but because I just wanted to sleep at any cost I found myself emptying a full strip of 60mg morphine caps in a glass, filling with water ready to drink ! Thanks what ever God is out there as I realised just in time what I was doing and flushed them. This scared me as after cancer I value life and my family above all else. I am waiting all my waking hours for it to start again and have had a number of minor episodes, and as night draws in I start to get apprehensive, well terrified. Not sure if my GP can handle this and I fear I will become a zombie taking more medication on top of my existing meds which by the way I cant do without - I attend a pain management clinic, the pain records a 9 - 10 when bad and I have never had a pain free day since my surgery 18 years back. Any help, comments, coping strategies, advice or paths to take would be appreciated. I was prior to my surgery aged 44 fit, healthy, happy father of three very active, always wanting to make people laugh. I went from 2 or 3 bad pain days ( registered as 9+ 10 ) a month in the fist few months after surgery to now registered disabled experiencing the occasional few hours in the morning or afternoon where the pain is tolerable (never goes) I have used this bad experience to help others with similar problems via the C.A. help & support line (colostomy Association) which sadly after 15 years may fall victim to my new problems. Sorry to ramble - its not me
Last edited by danielle-23
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