Severe anxiety/tension following coming off SSRI and benzos after 8 years.

[Alex0393]

I have a long story but basically I've got extreme panic and anxiety disorders, I have very bad depression at times, and I just finished coming off of a large dose of benzos I was on 4 times a day 1mg pills.. every day. Last Thanksgiving i finished coming off all my SSRI, paxil. I was on both of those for 8 years, the adivan ramping up the past 4 years. Just to be clear I did this all under a very structured out patient facility with medical professionals and I would never advocate for anything less if you want to get off any psych meds. I've been out a few weeks, I have no friends, no job, no hobbies, I feel sick every day and every night i feel alone and like when my parents die I'm going to have no reason to live and I will have nothing left in the world that loves me. I'm a smart dude, and I think im nice. But I just feel so terrible every day and I have no idea what to do to get better. I've been off the meds for maybe a month and a half, out of my program for a month and my anxiety is so bad that my shoulders and spine between them have become so tense that they're causing nerve pains in my lower right abdomen.. if I press on the weird knots and the spine my whole body literally felt like gold for an hour but if i didn't maintain perfect posture it all came back. I need help. I don't know how to relax. Physically and mentally, I just don't know what to do. I am so far disconnected after coming off my meds that I feel like everything I knew just simply moved on without me. Nobody reached out to me while i was coming off the meds. Nobody. I don't know what I'm looking for. I was hoping theres someone who understands or any new friends on here.. I have got nothing. I want to get back into life so bad but it's hard to relax and distract from your anxiety when the world doesn't care if you're dead or alive. Much love all any words are much appreciated.

[Mindfulnessxo]

May I ask , why did you come off your meds? I know exactly how you feel! I had to get off my Benzo 2Months ago because I’m pregnant and I was taking it for 3years! 1mg everyday and Now I can’t sleep I have massive panic attacks and insane thoughts and I can’t relax i don’t know how! It’s so rough but I try to take it in everyday even if it seems impossible! Just keep your head up and try your hardest to be positive!!! Best wishes xoxo

[Alex0393 in reply to Mindfulnessxo]

I had some traumatic experience the past few years, and basically it left me numb, and i was still depressed and anxious. I couldn't do anything. So I decided I wont go out like that. I started coming off my SSRI first in hopes that if I can be less medicated i can feel motivation again. I finished and I found layers of emotions i had not felt in 8 years. It was beautiful. Very difficult process... most difficult thing ive ever done in my life. But then i had appendicitis... after recovering from surgery I had no motivation still. So I went back to come off the benzos. When I started to really come to on the other side, I felt like I dont even know who I've been for the past God knows how long... I want to learn how to live and have my emotions and clarity back. I'm 25. I dont want to be on my death bed looking back at my life not knowing what it would have been like to defeat my biggest demons. Hasn't been an easy fight but I'm a stubborn one.

[Alex0393]

I love everything that you said that was really nice. Honestly i started walking I was walking a few hours a day around a nice lake.. but then I sort of injured my shoulder or back and it has set off a chain of events that's left me unable to do much of anything. My shoulders and back and neck are so tensed up and I dont know what to do. Its effecting most of my body, and my doctor didnt even look at it, and tried to just give me muscle relaxers... so now the only good thing I had was ruined and everything hurts lmao. I appreciate your kindness especially the last line I need that. I never believe it but when somebody else says that to you the fact that they care to say it is enough.

[Alex0393]

Some have called it brave.. some called it reckless.. i think the truth is definitely somewhere in between lol

[Agora1]

Hi Alex0393, give yourself credit for coming off both medications. I came off my benzos after 30 years of being left on Xanax daily (low dose) but never the less the body got dependent on it.

Through my psychiatrist I was weaned off slowly and safely. It took me 2 years to get off the benzo and another year and a half for all side effects to go away. After all, our brains have to heal and learn how to manufacture the chemical we were substituting with a pill.

Like you, I noticed the clarity I started feeling which motivated me ever more to wait it out.

The symptoms will disappear faster and faster as the brain heals. Be patient, you are heading in the right direction. Your having come off 2 meds may require a little more time but it will happen for you.

In place of meds now, I use Meditation/Mindfulness/DeepBreathing. Alex practicing those several times a day can be just as efficient as a pill and yet non addicting. I'm glad you have this forum to refer to. I didn't have support when coming off my med and it was rough. We're here for you. You did good. Proud of your progress. Give it more time. Time heals all and Believe that it will only get better. x

[Alex0393 in reply to Agora1]

Holy crap, bless you. 30 years I can't even imagine.... its very touching to talk with someone that actually has felt and gone through it, I could never describe it to anyone. The only people i had that understood it was the alcoholics and the opiate users that were trying to kick it. I had a support group for a bit but when I left, I've been so alone. I honestly stumbled upon this looking for how to release tension in my shoulders lol, but very glad I did. In just a little bit ive communicated with a handful of great people. Thank you so much, and I respect your strength, this stuff is very difficult. Much love my friend. I often beat up on myself, its been a little under a month since I've been out of the program i was in but I treat myself like I should be better already. I came off 2 meds and had my appendix out in under a year, maybe I need to be kinder to myself

[Agora1 in reply to Alex0393]

By all means Alex, give yourself some time. Both your mind and your body have been through some trauma in the last year. The thing is, it's behind you now, going forward step by step will get you to your goal. Patience dear friend I'm happy for you and glad you are a part of this wonderful group of people. Take care

[Hidden in reply to Alex0393]

Yes. Be much kinder and more loving to yourself. I’m impressed by your stubbornness,which seems a bit more like determination to me. It’s hard to come off of meds. Are you against the idea of herbs? I have taken melatonin for sleep and passionflower has a natural muscle relaxer in it. But you may not even want to use anything like that. Either way I really admire your resolve. I also had appendicitis which went undiagnosed for a week. My white cell count kept coming back normal so they sent me home 3 times from the ER. I almost didn’t make it thru that one and I was 19. Just keep reaching out here. People here get it. Great people.

[uniquediamond]

Hey Alex! I’m so sorry that your feeling that way! I myself know exactly what you’re talking about, the dark cloud we carry is very intense to say the least! It’s always feeling complete doom, no matter where you are or who your with, your mind racing 100 miles an hour, you feel hopeless and unworthy to feel normal. Btw what does normal feel like? 😆 🤔 my shoulders and my legs hurt all the time, I have pressure in my head and sometimes I feel like my hearing is foggy, and I don’t sleep good AT ALL, I clench down on my jaw all the time and they say that’s do to high stress level but to me it’s weird, because I’ve never delt with this before. I wanna try the CBD oil because I’ve read a lot of good reviews about it. I hope this message shows that your not alone! You can message me anytime if you need to talk k

[Marguerite2013]

Hi Alex - if you remain on a maintenance dose of the minimum you can manage, then I am sure you will be OK. Total withdrawal of these deadly drugs (esp Benzos) can yield some extremely unpleasant symptoms - like the ones you describe. \ I have been on Benzos for 50 years, but I have kept a maintenance dose of 4mg and only come off one-quarter of a mg each year, so that my life is not too much affected, as it was when I initially started to withdraw from them. \ I also went to a Minor Tranx Support Group in the area - but perhaps these have all closed by now. So I have been withdrawing for 20 years now, after being on 30mg daily 45 years ago, so apart from a few really horrible but short-lived times, I am now coasting along on the minimum I can and will do so until the end of time.\ If you have professionals helping you now - then it is best to stick with them, although I also had a professional psychopharmacologist initiating me into withdrawal - and when I completely stopped nitrazepam and got severe pain in my gut, to the extent that my GP sent me for an endoscopy - but that yielded no probs. I then rang the psychopharmacologist, and he said re-instate the nitrazepam and if that helps the abdominal pains then you should continue on a very small dose (I am still taking one-fifth of a tablet i.e. one-half a mg).

God bless and wishing you a speedy recovery from this terrible nightmare.

[designguy]

Hello Alex, you sound awesome and what you have done and accomplished is extremely difficult, as others have said, give yourself some major credit. It sounds corny but one of the things that has really helped in my recovery was learning to treat myself with the kindness and compassion that I would give to someone else in the same situation. When you are berating or putting yourself down start by stopping and asking yourself if you would talk to someone else like you are talking to yourself. Take it seriously and be diligent about it and over time it will get easier. The majority of us with anxiety disorder learned to be far more harder and harsher on ourselves than we ever would be on someone else. We need to be compassionate with ourselves to regain our self acceptance and wholeness.

[gsmith02]

I was on Klonopin for 10 years 1mg 4 times a day. When I stopped taking it I ended up in a rehab under psychiatric care and a bunch of non-addicting meds. it took me 3 months to stop feeling anxiety and to stop the hands from shaking. Sounds like you need to get back to the doctor!

Good luck