The roots of my anxiety|infidelity|pornography

[Elizabeth04]

I found out today... again... that my husband is still watching pornography. Even after I've told him how much it hurts me over and over. It makes me feel like I'm not pretty..skinny..or good enough for him. Before we got engaged 5 years ago, he cheated on me. He never really apologized for it sincerly... I just kinda forgave him and life went on... we now have two kids.

Anyways, this is always nagging at me. Like I don't understand why he would do that... I feel like since we're married and he cant physically "cheat" on me, he watched other girls through porn

I don't know what to do. Everything in me knows that it's wrong and that that it makes me depressed. But then I look at my kids and think, how would they feel if something we're to happen to us? How would I feel possibly not being able to see them as much? I just can't even take hurting my kids

What should I do?

[Wyominganxiety]

Sit him down and tell him again how much it hurts you.. turn the table tell him how would he feel if his daughter was being watched in certain acts by men.. how defeating it is that he finds pleasure maybe ask him if he would do marriage counseling.

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Thank you for your response. I always get so nervous to talk about it to him bc I don't him to get mad, but I know we need to talk about it bc it bothers me. He's got such a defensive attitude about it it seems.

Maybe I'll ask him about counseling

[kevoreally]

Very difficult situation to explain but i have been in this situation before myself with my fiance she was on the recieving end and i was the suspect any who, every guy watches porn now not gonna lie every guy does idc what they tell you if they deny it they are lying 🤥 they have watched it once in their life atleast! In my head its not a big deal but i understand the female point of view but i just dont think of it as me being horny over the girl its just me wanting ro release tension and stress... sometimes partners dont want to release tension for you so you gotta do it yourself some if not most men are visual imaginators we have to see videos or visual stuff we cant just "think of a scenario" pornography is the way we visualize now what i can say is ask him if hes getting enough sexual attention from you maybe he feels its not enough so he has to relieve himself who knows but deff have a sit down with him and be like look we discussed this once before we got married now im having to talk about it again with you are we not having a good sex life if not what can i do to make it better are you not satisfied do you regret your choices and just COMMUNICATE

[Wyominganxiety in reply to kevoreally]

I get that but where he has already been unfaithful her self esteem us already shot I know I've been there unfortunately more than once... It does take communication for sure but there is no need for him to be offensive about talking, and there should never be any fear to talk to your husband!

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

I totally agree 😣 it's like why am I so scared to talk to him? He's my husband, I shouldnr feel like that'

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Elizabeth04]

I think our anxiety and broken self esteem makes us over think situations to the worst case scenario, I think if you find your voice don't leave any of your feelings out pour them all out I'm sure your hubby will understand

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

I asked him about it and he says because I *cuss word* can that's why

😭😭 I had to walk away... My chest broke out in a rash and almost had a panic attack

[Elizabeth04 in reply to kevoreally]

Thank you. I understand where your coming from. It's good to hear a guys point of view. When I've talked to him before he's like..." idk I just do it, of course I think your attractive... thats why i flirt with you all the time...etc"

For me it's like in the times when I'm feeling bad bc of my anxiety symptoms...and don't do things with him..i feel like he runs to that. But idk, I'll talk to him about it. Again, thank you

[Hidden]

Hello

I am a women and maybe a man would have a total view on all this but I would feel just the same as you and I would not stand for it but I also have I think what they would call today old fashioned values !

If a couple are happy that their other half is watching it or sometimes couples watch it together then that is all well and good but if one is feeling as you do then it is not good

Have you asked him why he feels the need to watch it and how it makes you feel ?

I am not sure he is watching it because he can no longer cheat on you as you are married as this does not stop men cheating because they are married but some men can even be addicted to it !

You need to talk with him and get this out in the open before it makes you even more depressed , if when you get the thoughts you would rather no be with him are just down to him watching porn then it is well worth trying to work this out but if your marriage is un happy in other ways to then stopping together for the sake of your Children never works in the end

Children can be just as happy if parents live together or not but what makes Children unhappy is sensing their parents are not

I really hope you can work this out

Take Care x

[Ashleyp]

Its like I wrote this myself.. I dealt with this while pregnant. We had to have a sit down...it was no easy subject esp for him and there was lots tears. He saw a counselor for this issue. It was very deep. The embarrassment alone for him was enough to want to seek help...

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Ashleyp]

He won't even barely talk to me about it... he just gets mad and says I do it because I ******* can. And then he says okau I won't do it anymore... which I heard before. I think he's on dating sites too.

I doubt he will go to counseling... I wish... But I don't think so 😔

[Ashleyp in reply to Elizabeth04]

O sweetie sounds like you dont need to be with him

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Ashleyp]

Yeah, it's tough 😞

[Hidden]

You know, it’s okay to take your children out of a poor setting. Don’t let your anxiety convince you that your worries aren’t founded. Sometimes you anxiety can save you too.

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much... I guess I'm scared of the "what ifs"... Like I don't want him to not let me see them or something. Idk I just can't stand the thought of not being with my children

[Hidden in reply to Elizabeth04]

HE should worry. Not you. There is no price you can put on raising your kids in the right environment.

[Hidden]

And be thankful for anxiety. Sometimes it helps you make the right decisions that others can’t!

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Hidden]

Your so right. X

I am thankful for it in some situations. I called my sister, we are having some time together tomorrow. Thank goodness

[Hidden]

If you can't beat him, join him? Sounds radical; but, maybe that could change things drastically.