All over the place now: My husband had three... - Anxiety Support

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All over the place now


My husband had three children and last year he cut two of them out of his will. Neither of them gave their Dad the time of day and one of them he hadn't seen for 7 years. He turned up at the hospital once and was their 2 seconds and then said he was going to the toilet and never came back - yes it could have been shock. Both of them are adults and quite heavily into the drugs scene.

I have given both of them bits and pieces although I didn't have to and loads of photos. My husband had two ISA's, one he took out when the eldest grandchild was born and the other was for us. We spent ours on our holiday to Cyprus last year which I have only bad memories of because he was ill every day.

Me being me, always trying not to upset people spoke to his ex-wife regarding the ISA as I was toying with the idea of giving the three children something and the grandchildren the rest (there are 7). I spoke to his ex about it and she asked what I wanted to do so I said give it to the grandchildren. Today she has bought up the relevant documents in order for me to open the accounts but has said that one of the boys says its not really fair on the middle one as he has no children! I am a mess now. I know I have done what Tony wanted but why do I always feel so guilty!

The ISA wasn't even mentioned in the will, I've shared it out because I know that is what the money was for but if we'd had to go to the second executor they would have got nothing. I've decided that when I send the documents back that I am going to write a polite note stating that it was my thoughts, not Tony's, that may be the kids should have something. On top of that my eldest step-son has said that it explains the middle son's comment on Facebook - he always loses out because he hasn't got kids.

What do you think? I didn't need this today.

5 Replies

Money............sounds like either way you get blamed.

I'd of shared it with the children not grandchildren, but if they are druggies, we know how that will be spent, so

I'd just do what you want to do, tell them you love them all equally, and get rid of it asap.

You wont ever please them all, but you will be free of the money thats causing the divide.

Wishing you well in a very difficult circustance



My husband cut them out of the will so I felt it would be going against his wishes to give it to the children.

I just can't believe that people can be so ruthless about things. I guess I just expect everyone to be like me.

Hidden in reply to tinks2003

Sadly, everyone in your family are going to be on an emotional high and it is not your job to fix their issues. It is good that you have at least made a decision regarding the ISA because then you can try to move on or get on with sorting out anything else that needs being seen to.

Keep in mind that you won't please everyone regardless of what decisions you make. You do what you think is right and that will help you find your peace.

Take care. Keep your chin up. You are still a very good person.


Very good advice Buta. I agree 100 pc with you.

Bev x

The ISA was obviously intended for the Grandchildren so by sharing it among them you are carrying out your husband's wishes, even though - without it being detailed in his will - you have no obligation to do so. Stick to your guns and tell them if they don't like it, you'll donate the lot to charity instead!

You're never going to make everyone happy, so do what your husband would have wanted as that will be the choice that will be easier for you to live with in the long-term. It's sad that a death brings out the worst in some people, but you need to think of yourself and your husband's wishes, if you give to the children he cut out of his will, I'm sure the decision will play on your mind for some time.

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