Feel I've let everybody down including myself

Went to CBT and she told me not to google or seek reassurance, which I did initially. Went to see my GP Monday and she noticed that the muscles in my legs weren't very good which she attributed to lack of exercise. I immediately asked if it was motor neuron disease because that is one of the symptoms and she said no. Initially ok but the day after started googling and actually spoke to an online doctor. I think I have let my GP down and my therapist. I seem to be going backwards. I do think I will ever get better

5 Replies

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  • I just knew what you'd done Holly, the minute I saw the question heading!

    It's okay. I've fallen off the Google wagon more times than I can remember. You haven't let anyone down - it's just how it is with those of us suffering from health anxiety.

    Just keep on and you'll find you'll have days then weeks when you won't Google, but I'm afraid if you're like me, the temptation will be too strong occasionally.

    Incidentally I've also had times when I've called online doctors for help/reassurance. You're not alone.

  • Glad to know its just not me. What worries me is that I think we are vulnerable and can be exploited financially. Thanks for replying

  • Holly

    You havnt let anybody down ,this is all still new , habits take a while to break & you are doing your very best & you will get there , this is a slip , but you will get back up :)

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Hi Holly,

    I'm sorry you're really struggling.

    Please don't beat yourself up about this. It is human nature to seek reassurance when we are in distress. You've done nothing wrong.

    It takes a really long time for your mind to process the new information ~ you cannot look for reassurance because you cannot be reassured. Nothing anyone says lasts. Our fear is so great it cancels out any reassurance. I know I was only able to stop looking for constant reassurance when I fully understood that if I'm in the grip of a health obsession I cannot be reassured, by anyone, ever.

    It's so hard, darling and I have no real answer. My best bet is to try and head off an obsession before it takes hold which is of little use to you as yours has really got a grip. However, I can assure you that all our obsessions loose their intensity eventually (even if it is only to be replaced by a new one). You won't always feel like this.

    Please keep posting. You aren't letting anyone down. You are trying to cope as best you can :)

    Love,

    Lizard.xxx

  • Thanks everyone, I certainly need the support

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