Letting myself go

This is skyrooms. I NEED HELP.I can finally tell everyone,that I think Ive given up on myself or life. I just want to stay home all day. Right now,I watch US politics daily. I am sitting in bed. I DONT GO out. I ALSO have IBS and depression. I think I must be depressed. I dont want to take care of myself anymore. My hair is a mess. I am in pjs daily. I try to make the best of my situation. I dont know how to get out of my house or my bed. Theres more stuff that I dont do to take care of myself. I am not happy. I want help. But I want to go slow. Can anyone relate? My panIc attacks started when I was 17. They did not know what it was then. I am ok with panic for now. I just dont know how to get up out of bed and go outside anymore. I could watch the news 24/7 AND be happy?What is wrong with me? I dont want to go out to see therapist,so I do phonecalls.Now, i am afraid to go into the shower. :( This is where I am drawing the line. Doctors dont know what to say to me.This has been going on since my IBS diagnosis and now,I am at my worst. I dont think I have hit bottom yet.Any thoughts? Its 1 am here. Thanks for being here with me since October. Hope everyone is feeling ok. Thank you all who have already helped me. I did not want to tell you how bad my anxiety was. I have vivid anxiety dreams nightly. I am on prozac which stops my panic,but I wake up with high anxiety every am.

Much love and thanks,

Sky

22 Replies

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  • Hi Sky

    I can relate to some of what you wrote. Good that Prozac is working for you. Yesterday I had a hard time leaving the house. I talked myself into going one step at a time..literally. That "agreement " got me outside but with my chest feeling heavy. I also resist showers but eventually you just stink and feel better by getting clean

  • Why do we resist the showers?

  • Thanks Daryn,for your quick reply. I was hoping to meet a moderater one day.:)

    Good Nite.

  • For me, fear that the water temperature will be too cold

  • For me I resist in fear of something happening to me in the shower, like passing out....because I am a hypochindriac, but for some it may be simply depression and not showing much interest anymore.

  • We resist and feel anxious about showering because we are vulnerable during that task, think about it, we're naked, alone in the bathroom and usually with the door locked or closed, its understandable that an anxious mind will find this very frightening and uncomfortable, I've experienced this problem first hand in the past, its very unpleasant to say the least, I got over this showering problem by firstly spending short amounts of time in the bathroom, fully clothed etc, then I gradually built up the length of time I spent in there, then I built up to just having a strip wash, then gradually built up to a full shower, try taking your phone with you, play something soothing or reassuring on youtube through loud speaker and remember, nothing bad will happen to you as a result of being in the shower, I understand completely how hard this is, but if you try taking it slowly and gradually build up to it you'll manage and overcome it, I felt fantastic and sooooo refreshed once I'd managed to take a full shower after along time without one, you'll be ok, your safe xxx :-)

  • Hi everyone,Guess What?

    Thanks to this group,I got dressed today and stayed out of bed all afternoon.Halleluja!!

    There was fear coming in and out most of the day.But,I just kept hearing all of your poweful words. Everyone here got me through this day. I plan on getting dressed tomorrow. There is some ugly anxiety trying to change my mind right now. Sigh... Hopefully I will get out of my bed tomorrow also. What a bummer. I'm sorry. I am just down right now.Thinking about it hurts.

    Namaste

    Much love and thanks again to everyone here.I could not have made it without you.I made it through 2 break through days.

    For me,this group is better than any therapy I had all this year. Yes,its really true. I feel very grateful to all of you here.

    Thank you

    X

    Sky

  • Hi, its been almost a year battling with this thing called anxiety and depression and am on my way out, I have fought a good fight and kept the faith, and I want first of all to tell you that I love you, God loves you and you WILL overcome this enemy thru faith in God and by keeping your body moving, please don't stop praying because he hears you, read the bible and every morning declare that this will be a good day, renew your mind by walking outdoors ,beach, parks, listen to the birds, watch the leaves fall breath in the fresh air, remove everything that causes stress you can go back to it later if you want, but move your body ,a body that doesn't move dies, that how we were designed, see you at the finish line and don't tell me you cant :)

  • It sounds like you are vitamin deficient and in need of a good probiotic for your gut. That's a start. Can you get yourself in for some blood tests for Vitamin D, magnesium, and more?

  • I am now on probiotics!

    Thank you.

    Hug,

    Sky

  • GET UP AND GO! Just do it, don't give yourself time to think!!! Shower, throw on some music while you shower, something up beat...go for a 10 minute walk around the block and then you can go back to bed and news. But you have to move at least a little to shower and get some movement in there. Trust me I know what it is like and I force myself to shower, and take a short walk, even if it is hard. You still have you! 😊And all of us. Come on do not give up on your own self care. Turn off the news, honestly the news is the worst thing to watch. I stopped watching it and my mood improved slightly. Plus some of the news is all hype and scare tactics that we don't need. You CAN do this! 😊😉😚

  • I did it. And my shins hurt. Lol

  • Baby steps! Remember. What you give power to has power over you! We all struggle every day over little things and it is very hard to move forward but taking baby steps out of your comfort zone can do you some good. Face your fear! Look it straight in the face and don't let it control you! You will be okay! I myself dread the shower! But I still do it and still take care of myself even tho id much rather lay in bed all damn day! And when you get in the shower let the fear be there and take all the time you need. Its not going to hurt you!

  • I did it.

  • First, turn off the politics. It is toxic as hell right now. It will really get to you, even if you think it isn't. If you watch TV, watch funny movies or shows only. Find FUN things to do like play games or exercise. Give yourself a chance to relax. Turn off ALL NEWS and turn on something that makes you smile!

  • Thanks for your support everyone. I dont know what to say right now. I need a moment or two.

    Love,

    Sky

  • I am teary eyed now. I DONT know how to handle what everyone said. Tv is still off. This might seem like a dumb question,but can u all tell me what time it is where u are living right now?

    My legs are like rubber or jello. Do rubber and jello sound like the same description? My thighs hurt. I am underweight by a few lbs.My IBS IS ACTING BADLY today. (Irritable bowel syndrome). Stress is not good for my stomach. It makes it worse. Eversince I got this diagnosis,they put me on pain pills. :(. I keep wondering if thats why I stay in bed. I think I know all of you are going to yell back at me and say it could be my pills.Please dont be mad.I think its time to let them go and go into pain management. My anxiety is high,my pain is strong and those few pills may be keeping me in bed. Its the only thing that keeps my life worth living.

    My depression goes ok to bad to very bad. I do care about my outside life,but I think that I am letting myself go slowly. Why am I wanting to slip away sometimes? I am not suicidal.

    But,something tells me,I dont care about life anymore. Again, I would not do anything stupid. But not being active is taking days out of my life.

    I cant bear to tell my family. (Brother). Thank goodness I have @6_8 roomates in my old Victorian home. Its large,I cant afford my mortgatge,so I rent rooms out. They all know I stay in my room. I feel like there are many new people that need your help more than I deserve.

    I have replaced alot of TV by coming to your group. AM I still allowed to voice my opinion about panic attacks to others? Or am I too sick?

    My aim is to get better and not have a sympathy party, so now I feel like a jerk. Now u know alot more about me than my brother,3000 miles away. I dont want him to know how bad it is. Hes 73 and in great shape. Eats healthy,exercise buff his whole life. He will probably live a very long life.

    I am sorry if my words arent soft enough sometimes. Ive been a struggling business person my whole life. I made my own jewelry and sold it all over the country. And I was a street artist who sold to tourists. I miss that very much.If I say anymore,someone just may recogonize me. I dont want that.

    Love to all of you again and thanks for helping me. I do feel that this group might help me get back cn my feet again. I hope all of you are having a painless evening? Its 12:30 ,pm here. What time is it where you live? I look forward to hearing back from you.

    X

    Sky

  • You've already taken a huge step in the right direction by coming here and sharing your story with us, so continue by gradually taking more small steps, tell yourself you'll get out of bed, then gradually build on that by aiming to be dressed for some parts of the day, then aim for perhaps just a strip wash wash so many times a week, then gradually build on each new step you take, give yourself time and don't expect to much to soon, you'll gain confidence and strength with each little task or step you achieve, you'll begin to see that your life is in your hands, you can do this, do it for you and not for anyone else, and always remember that whatever overwhelming, unpleasant or frightening thoughts or symptom you get, someone out there will be feeling exactly the same at that exact moment, your never truly alone with your struggle, big warm, reassuring hugs to you from me :-) xxx

  • i feel your pain and my heart goes out to you

    Take it one step at a time -getting out of bed and staying out to start

    Does your IBS stop you going out ? How does it affect you ?

    Staying in your pjs and not bothering about your appearance will make you feel low Force yourself to get dressed and look better no matter how hard it is Do it and see the difference it makes You don't have to shower a strip wash for now will do

    Find something on tv that will lift your spirits

    Going out you can do in stages walk as far as you feel you can and come back Day by day you will do more and go further

    Dr Claire Weekes books are very comforting they are still available and I'm sure you will find her words a huge help

    She always says no matter how bad you feel you can and will recover and her advice is very gentle One thing she says is "Stay off that bed in the daytime "

    I wish you all the very very best for getting yourself on the road to recovery

    Take good care of yourself and remember we all care about each other on this forum and always here to listen There is an IBS forum too

  • I washed my body. I feel cleaner. But I am both depressed and I have fear of the night ahead of me. I had to force myself to wash up. It was very difficult to move my hands around to wash my body. Every movement was a big effort. There is nothing wrong with my arms or hands. It was just very hard to move my hands to deliberately wash my hair and body. BUT BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS,I DID IT.

    NOW,I AM worried about how my nite will go. I sit afraid until I take my IBS smoothie. Its full of fiber and blueberries.This stress has flared up my IBS issues.I now have to deal with some bad roomate news. Two flight attendants are giving me 30 days notice to move and I am grief stricken right now. I feel like someone died. This has to be depression.?

    I will leave on a good note: I took a bath thanks to this group.

    And I look forward to getting that womans books that you suggested.

    I also ate 6 oz of salmon,doctors orders. It was good, but I forced myself to eat.

    Well,no more buts.

    I did it. I took the bath and are some good food.

    Namaste everyone.

    Thank you all for your great support and info.Its7:55pm now.

    I have to talk to my roomate.

    Lots of love and good wishes to all of you tonite.

    Luv,

    Sky

  • Hello skyroom

    so glad you had a good day x when you feel that this anxiety is creaping up on you x just tell it that you haven't got any time for it today x so bugger off x

    this is how I deal with it x and eventually it does get easier x good luck x and have many more good days x

  • Godbless

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