My dilemma

I haven't really spoke much about things going on in my life on here, it's mostly been about my symptoms.

When my anxiety first started I had a lot of problems with my other half, we just constantly broke up, got back together....and so on, this must have happened about 30-40 times over the last 3 years. Anyway when I started having panic attacks I just didnt think I could be strong enough for 2 people so I broke it off...few weeks later we got back again and then the cycle of on off on off on off started again.

My insides have got so used to being anxious as the feelings I feel now everyday were exactly what I felt everytime we broke up that I wonder if that's how I've ended up with this anxiety.

Does anyone else think this is entirely possible?


11 Replies

  • Hi Ashley

    I have done my best , trying to work out what you are saying , so forgive me if I get it wrong ;-)

    So before you split with your OH , you never were an anxious person , you feel this is what caused your anxiety

    I have noticed you seem to have health anxiety as well , did this start at the same time

    I don't really have the answer , only what I think , but for me , sometimes my thoughts on this , is it maybe under laying is the anxiety & then a trauma can trigger it of

    Even though mine started as I child , I do feel I no it was a trauma that I remember that seemed to start it

    I bet this has been no use , sorry :-(

    You can & will move forward though with this , don't give up




  • Hello whywhy

    Let me say it's lovely to see you back :-)

    I tried my best to explain the above as best as my mind would let it make sense lol but I do get maybe it sounds like gibberish lol.

    Before the problems with my Ex/OH whatever you want to call it lol I was only anxious at the times when I should have been like if I was scared about something etc. but every time we broke up which was a lot I was constantly filled with dread..churning stomach all the stuff that goes along with anxiety symptoms so what I wonder is if I was experiencing them so much did my body just start getting used to it and now I can't turn them off so to speak?

    I worry about my health now but not really before this all happened

    I didn't really give it a second thought.

    I hope I'm explaining this right :-(


  • Yes you are explaining right lol

    I think , but its only what I think , so don't take this as gospel :-D

    When our anxiety starts , if it was nipped in the bud straight away , which is rare as at first we think it will go away , then yes , it can become a pattern , a way of feeling , that then can be heard to break , as our minds get programmed in to these feelings & thoughts

    Then the hard work comes when we have to try & reverse all this :-o

    Which can be done , takes some doing & slow process but can be achieved

    Don't no if I am explaining well enough now :-o


  • I think what you have said is very right. I think that I just think sometimes some of my worst symptoms happen when we either are arguing or have broke up and I wonder to myself if there is some sort of link and that these feelings are telling me we just shouldn't be together x

  • I can see what you are saying , but with a relationship does come arguments


    I think anyone that says they never argue with OH , is maybe not quite as it is , so I think if it was this one or another , you would have to learn how to deal with arguments , unless you stay single ;-)

    Sounds like you feel you cant win though here , as if you are with them you are anxious , without them you are anxious

    I feel you may still love them & do they still love you , if that was the case , maybe just trying to be friends if you could agree & go out now & again , as I see it that you need to work on you at the moment & nothing they did , would help , as these feelings are yours you are feeling

    Has anyone else ever made you feel this way , or was this the first serious one that you fell in love with

    I am going on now as usual , but only my thoughts & just to say , no matter who you are with , it has its ups & downs , an understanding OH though does help & if two people are in love , they can work through it , but it needs two to want it :-)

    I wish I could help more


  • I think that's where a lot of our recent arguments stem from I tried to explain to my OH(we will call it that lol) that I was having a bad night the other night. I was scared cos my heart kept killing about and basically my OH was like "buck yourself up and get on with things like everyone else does" so then I start to think I'm just looking for sympathy which I'm not but it's hard that you can't even get a sympathetic ear of the person who says the love you. I guess am just venting today because we had another "that's it it's over for good" argument this morning and I'm now sitting feel on edge cos half my mind is saying "good get rid and you might start to feel better" and the other half of my brain is saying "you love this person don't let them go but be prepaired to but up with shit forever lol"

    I hope that makes sense whywhy lol, my mind is a mess today :-)


  • Yes it does

    My first hubby was like that , he always saw anything if it be anxiety or other things as a weakness & that you could pull out of it if you wanted , it was so frustrating as no matter what , he could just not see the other side

    We did split , but not over that

    It is a big help though if someone you are with can try at least

    To me there would be two ways I could go , accept they will never understand my anxiety , so stop trying to explain to them & keep that side of me for people that do understand or maybe ask myself can I be with someone that understands

    Having said all that , they don't have to understand us , just been patient with us is enough , which I don't think is a lot to ask for

    Hun I wish I had the answer , its a tricky one I no , some where though , you will have to say , its on or of , or your anxiety will be all over like today , but I do no its such a hard one , the heart can rule the head at times


  • You are completely spot on. My OH has said before that they have suffered from anxiety in the past and they just "sucked it up and got on with it, as there is no point worrying" but what I try and say Is that it's not as easy as that. I feel like I bang my head off a brick wall lol.

    I tell you though relationships are hard work..I always think strong enough to cope on my own but then a few days pass and I think what if they are the love of my life and I let them go for nothing but I know that's my anxiety brain working cos I'm sure before I started all this I was very much cutting my nose of to spite my face kinda person but I haven't been able to be like that.

    I'm just waffling now whywhy haha!

    Thanks for your advice and you do make perfect sense :-)


  • Hi Ashley

    I think you're right, anxiety (like anything) can become a habit - our mind/body gets used to reacting in a certain way. You think of a dog - he gets used to associating his lead with going for a walk, and gets excited. Take his lead off the hook, even if you're not taking him for a walk, he gets excited!!! The same thing happens with us - if we're subject to constant stress, then stress becomes "normal" and we feel it even when the cause of the stress in no longer there.

    You could try some exercises to "reprogramme" your mind/body to feel less stressful - relaxation exercises, yoga, tai chi - there are loads of them around - you do have to do them regularly and they're not a "quick fix" - but if you can reduce the level of backgrund anxiety, it might help you deal with any relationship issues better?

    Dunno if any of this makes sense or is helpful

    good luck, and keep blogging




  • Hi Rose.

    Yeah I totally see what your saying, I think what I was meaning was I'm so used to feeling these feelings my body has just become used to it. My CBT lady also said something similar, cos the night I had my first panic attack me and the OH had had a fight and I was lying in bed with the usual churning stomach and all of a sudden out of nowhere the beginning of all my troubles started. Maybe it's a coinincedence I don't know.

    I've been doing a lot of Mindfulness at the request of my CBT lady and it does work in the short term but as I told her I can't just walk about doing it all day lol. I've been wanting to do Yoga bit trying to find one near me has been a pain, there is a class near my work but it starts before I finish work. I'm sure ill find one though. I built up the courage to go a jog the other night. I'm still here to tell the tale but my chest was hurting afterwards so I was like aahhhhh lol.


  • Hi Ashley - sorry for the delay in replying, haven't been good myself.

    I suggested yoga to my sister for her high blood pressure, and she found a DVD she can use at home, which she finds quite good. You'd find some in your local library, or on Amazon, if you can't get to a class - better than nothing, maybe?

    Hope this helps.




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