Relationship and Anxiety

Well it looks like my anxiety has destroyed another friendship with a lady. I lost my wife in January this year and have had great support through Cruse Bereavement Care. When I first went to my local group I met a lady there, I became close to, well in my head anyway.This lady lost her husband to Cancer 4 years ago and has told me she is not looking for anyone else. I have been out for Sunday lunch with her 3 weeks ago (her invite) but my anxiety got the better of me and I felt nauseous and had difficulty eating. I organised for us to go to the Dinosaur event at the Birmingham Botanical Gardens last Saturday and I had to organise parking as the BBG has none. The lady friend rang me a 6:30 on Friday night to see if I had organised the parking and to sort out the time I was to pick her up. However I got a bit nosey and asked her about her day, this I wish I had not done as she told me she was going out with another guy Friday night and would not tell me who it was. She said it is nobody I know( but would have told me if it was somebody I know, confused me!!) and that she wants to keep private things private as people talk. This really triggered a very bad attack and I felt really ill. She had implied from earlier conversation she would be home around 10:30, so I stupidly watched the clock round until 10:30 the time I thought she would be back on her own again, crackers really. I was so bad, I was crying my eyes out at midnight and not even sure I could go to the BBG. I got about 5 hours sleep if that and felt quite awful. I was up early and called the Samaritans as I felt so desperate. They were supportive and helped a bit, I did go to the BBG but could not get Friday out of my mind. The day had cost a bit of money and I had spoilt it a bit for myself. But we had a good day and got on very well although I struggled to eat.

I had a meeting with my Cruse councillor today and told her about the events of the last few days. She listened and then commented, the best thing I could do she said was to have no more contact by text or phone and do not suggest any more one to one meetings. I was shocked but if you ask the question you have to be able to take the answer but even so I was quite shocked by what she said. She went on to say I am very close to stalking this lady and it will only end one way, badly for me. I did ask my lady friend about next weekend, I was contemplating trying another Sunday lunch with the risk of not eating particularly after Friday. We had a group outing with the Cruse group today and my lady friend was there. I tried to keep distant and she did not say much to me and did not say anything about Sunday. I guess as she likes to keep things private she did not want to mention it or has decided not go and just didn't tell me. I am in a complete mess, my stomach is painful on and off and with what my counsellor said today I don't know what to do. Part of me is saying the only thing to do is to break all contact with her but I would see her at the Cruse meetings. I am finding it difficult to accept her going out with other guys but my sensible head tells me I can do nothing about it. As somebody said in a previous post we are not a couple, she can see and do whatever she likes. I am in absolute hell tonight, I have no idea what to do and see my counsellor again in 2 weeks and feel I need to do what she has suggested but part of me won't accept it although the situation is making me feel quite ill. I would be grateful for any advice and guidance as I am lost with this issue. Thank you and apologises for a ridiculously long post but I felt it needed detail for people to see the mess I am in.

Regards laverdasf1000


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41 Replies

  • Hello

    From reading your post I think you need to wait before you start getting close to someone again as to me I sense you are still grieving and maybe to stop you feeling the pain of loosing your wife you are trying to mask that by clutching on to someone and please don't take this the wrong way but obviously does not want a relationship

    It is not going to be easy going through all this but you are making it more difficult for yourself as this women is just out for having friendships and nothing more even though I find it a little strange why she has to keep everything a secret because even as friends we will normally tell our friends who we are meeting but when the time is right this would not be the women for you as she wants something totally different from you

    It will be impossible to ignore her as you are in the same group unless you stopped going which would be a shame if you are getting something from this group like support unless there was another one in your area you could go to but if not then you will have to be pleasant and say hello , how are you but be strong and not ask her out as you are no where near ready and yes you have anxiety but more than that you have lost a loved one and your emotions will be all over the place and you have to get yourself in a good place before you can move on to more serious relationships with others

    Tell yourself this was never meant to be and that you will work on you , have friends and go out and enjoy yourself but don't go looking for more , when the time is right you won't have to look love will find you :-)

    There is a Bereavement Community on Health Unlocked , I am not sure if it will be an interest or help to you but I will put you the link on so you can have a look :-)

    Take Care x

  • Thank you for your reply to my post, I had to make it a long one to try and be clear where I am with things. Being out with her and the group today felt a bit strange and we did not talk much. I made a point of keeping my distance and talking to the other members of the group. I think you are right and somebody else mentioned in a previous post that me and this lady want and need different things. I am making up all sorts of scenarios in my head regarding her going out with this other guy and it is all such a waste of effort. As you say it is strange she wouldn't say who it was or where they went but I think she is worried of people thinking she is in a relationship with someone else, who knows. I will never find out so may as well forget it but it is very difficult as I can't stand secrets like this even if it is none of my business. When my counsellor today said I should stop this now I was quite shocked but having thought about it I guess she is probably right. I feel like a wounded animal that needs putting out of it's misery lol. I will not ramble on any more, one long post in an evening is enough. Thanks for the link and all the very best with your journey through life.

    Regards laverdasf1000

  • Even this reply I feel as I said you are still grieving , it was only January when you lost your wife which I am sorry to hear about your loss this alone is a massive thing to deal with and could be why you are reacting as you are and feel like a wounded animal

    It will be strange seeing this women but well done interacting with others that will have taken willpower but you have to move on from thinking you can be anything more than acquaintances as she obviously does not want anything more than casual friendships

    Give yourself time and don't allow yourself to get in situations where you give yourself more pain , time is a great healer and your wounds will heal and you will be happy again with someone that wants what you do :-)

    Keep occupied and keep talking , you will work through this in time :-) x

  • Thank you for responding at this late hour, I really need to go to bed but I have not slept well for months and this friendship going a bit pear shape has not helped. It is just when you find somebody that seems so nice and it then becomes a mess I realise I am trying too soon to find somebody. I met my wife whilst working in Germany purely by chance and no doubt that could happen again somewhere down the line. Life can throw up some interesting things now and again. This is a .com site are you located in uk, you don't need to say of course if you don't want to.

    Good night and thanks again for your support.

    Regards laverdasf1000

  • Hello, I have been out for my first run, well run jog since 1995, when I ran the London Marathon. It felt a bit difficult at times, I am 62 but now I am beginning to feel the old endorphins so it was worth it. I am hoping to run the Birmingham (England) Half Marathon in October and raise money for Cruse Bereavement Care and the local hospital radio.

    Regards laverdasf1000

  • Well done this is an improvement and more positive than yesterday , good for you !

    And yes you met your wife when least expecting it and when you were not looking so of course it can happen again , just not with this lady you have met like I said previous I feel it is to soon , if you do not allow yourself to grieve and heal after loosing someone you will take that with you into the next relationship and eventually it will catch up with you so go through it now and keep doing positive things like you have today :-)

    We are from all over the world on here which I think is fantastic that we can all come together no matter where we are from , relate to one another and support each other but I am also in the UK like you

    Enjoy the rest of your day :-) x

  • Thank you for your reply, I do feel better today although still anxious and irritable but it will get better. I have been to the Halifax BS today to sort out something with my mortgage that went well and felt I had achieved what I wanted to. I saw a doctor today and have got some different tablets and something to help my stomach so I feel I have made progress. I have spoke on the phone with my brother and cousin so with the exercise this morning and walking the dogs not a bad day. I have not heard from the lady friend and have decided to make no contact and if she does contact me I will tell her that I have got too close and it would be best to let things lie a bit. I think a bit of positive thinking and feeling that you are doing something with a situation rather than let it dominate you does help.

    I have had more good advise from you and other members of this site over the last few days since I joined than I have had in years. Thank you so much I really appreciate it.

    Take care



  • Laverdasf1000, I've been following your posts and it's so nice to sense some progress in your last post. Taking the well meaning advice of others when we are down and out is a blessing. It's like we've fallen and couldn't get up and then along came some good people who gave us hope that time and patience will once again give us joy in our lives.

    Achieving things and moving forward is an important part of the healing process. Keep up the positive thinking. Stay Strong.

  • Hello, Thanks for your reply. I feel better today thanks, a bit clearer in my head of the way forward. I am very nervous about things with this lady but we are not a couple so I suppose we both do as we please where ever that takes us. Sorry, are you the person in Chicago? So many people responding on this marvellous website I am losing track lol. If I am right what is the weather like, I am assuming it is quite warm. It has been better here today but yesterday I had to put the heating on for a while. This country really has odd weather and really can give all seasons in one day, strange but makes Brits what we are.

    Regards. laverdasf1000

  • Hi laverdasf, Yes, I'm the lady from Chicago where it got to 90 degrees yesterday. Time to head to the Pool lol...

    As lulu-1 stated, try not to worry about the ups and downs of each day. I can tell that you are going to get better. Hey, you've got all of us on the forum to support you :)

    One day at a time laverdasf will get you to your destination.

  • Hi, I can't thank you and everybody on here enough for their support these last few days. I have been a bit like a ship without a rudder but your help has kept me on course.

    My word 90 that's too hot for me as I write this it is 17 degrees outside (around 64 deg f I guess). I have just had a text from the lady friend, I have had no contact text or otherwise since Tuesday and she does not very often send me a message unless I have sent her one. I am very nervous about replying as I don't want to upset her. I think I will reply in a few minutes but only to say hello. I want to try and keep the momentum of yesterday going. I had a better night although I had taken 2 strong pain killers for some back pain. However I think it was more to help me sleep than for the pain. Have a good day watch the UV!!

    Regards laverdasf

  • Wow :-o

    You are like a changed man today :-)

    Whatever you are doing keep doing it !

    You have achieved such a lot in one day :-)

    I would just tell your lady friend if she contacts you that you have realised at the moment you need to take some more time to sort yourself out and leave it at that , I am sure she will understand and it keeps it simple :-)

    I hope the new medication works and of course you know you have to give it time to do so but fingers crossed :-)

    Don't worry if you have days that are not as proactive as today as this is all part of the healing process

    You can do this I can tell , give yourself time as time is a great healer :-) x

  • Thank you, today has felt better and hopefully I can keep the momentum going tomorrow. The trouble is one good day is not always followed by another but I have had no alcohol since Sunday and that always helps. I have a follow up phone call tomorrow from Healthy Minds they are part of the local NHS and it will probably lead to another session of cbt.



  • Very true no two days are the same and when they are bad one's I am glad they are not but remember the good one's and reflect on them when you are not feeling so good

    Alcohol can be a depressant and as you are feeling better sustaining from it for a few days maybe that is telling you something , not sure how much you have been drinking but as I say we can't and never will find the answers we need in the bottom of a bottle :-)

    Sounds like you are getting quite a bit of support which is really good , keep accepting what ever is offered support wise again I always think we cannot loose anything from giving things a try we may just gain something instead I have never heard of Healthy Minds and maybe I should have done as it is part of the NHS but I am glad they are supporting you :-)

    Take Care x

  • Hello, Thank you for your message.

    Healthy Minds is part of Wolverhampton NHS trust so unless you live in the area it covers you won't have heard of it.

    The alcohol certainly is a depressant and never really helps only when you are drinking it. I have just had a text message from the lady friend. I have not contacted her or spoke with her since we were out on Tuesday. So this message is one of the very few since I met her that is not in response to one of mine. I am not sure how to reply because I don't want to betray how I feel but I don't want to upset her. Oh why is life so difficult at times? or am I just making it that way. I have written something to help me say what I have to say to her when we do speak but I am very nervous about it although I know it has to be said. Have a good Anxiety free day, that's a nice thought. Take care.



  • Hello

    O I see that is why I have not heard of it then :-)

    We do make life complicated at times and keeping it as simple as we can is the best way to go even though it can be easier said than done

    Not sure what message your friend sent but keep it simple , don't make your reply to complicated or go on in to much detail as when we do we tend to tie ourselves in knots :-) x

  • Hello, Thanks for your message. I am waiting for the follow up call from healthy minds at 1pm so we will see how that goes. The message from my friend basically asked me; if I am ok, if I enjoyed Tuesday afternoon with the group, she thought it was nice but with her RA was a bit tired as we walked a fair bit, Wished me a good day and take care. So it was a pretty basic sort of message but not much else to say I guess.

    I replied after 20 minutes or so, told her I enjoyed the afternoon and then went on to say about my anxiety at getting my new life going and saw the doc yesterday and he changed my medication again. Told her I was off to vote, take care.

    After about half and hour or so she replied saying she was sorry I was feeling that and maybe I should slow down a bit.

    From no contact for nearly 2 days 2 messages in an hour. Oh well see what happens I have not responded to the second message. I was thinking of calling her tonight but I don't think I will as I am thinking of finding the local Amateur Radio club and have a chat with some other radio amateurs.

    I think it best I try and do my own thing and try and put out of my head what she is up to and who with as it is pointless. I will be much better doing that I am sure.

    Do you have any particular interests that take your mind off things, even for a short while the relief is priceless I think. Oh well mustn't ramble on any more.



  • OK

    So I have read what messages were passed between you and I will be honest , she was been polite in her replies nothing more nothing less so don't read into anything because she replied twice :-)

    I do enjoy gardening to be honest I get so much from it but that is not a full time distraction as the weather for one raining of course as this is the UK and Winter stops me in my tracks getting out there even though I do give it a go at every opportunity

    I am a bit of a cleaning fanatic a well so that keeps me occupied

    I am a terrible TV addict so much I like watching but again it distracts me so as long as it does then it is harmless

    I like baking again a distraction but not sure how many males that will appeal to :-D

    Music , that can be a good one to relax and listen to music you enjoy but at the moment the way you are feeling I would suggest not the kind that could make you start feeling upset if you know what I mean

    Even coming on here and helping others is a good way to take your mind of you , I mostly spend my time trying to get the other anxiety site on HU called Living with Anxiety active again so was by chance I answered you post on here when I came on to browse

    A good book can also be a good distraction

    Some people find meditation helps and there are so many relaxation exercises you can find on You Tube

    Nothing really exciting I know but they help me :-)

    Sounds like a lot more interesting plan you have with the Amateur Radio Club and I would say go for it , this is exactly the kind of thing that will help you to start to put your life back together again :-)

    Enjoy ! x

  • Thanks for your reply, I have to take my dogs out now but will comment further later.



  • Hello again, Yes it all looks good to me, OK on the music, I have listened to the song used in Coro by the meercat, 'All by myself' I think its by Jamie Neal. But it was a bad idea. I have found a superb Shadows tribute act on U tube, I think they are German or something. They are called Shadows Magic Tribute band excellent they are. Ok on the cake baking one of the guys at the group bakes cakes really good. He baked a chocolate/madeira layer cake for one of the guys birthdays and it was superb. I think it is great that a chap can bake a cake, I can't but wish I could. My wife was good at cake making and used to make an apple cake to a German recipe. Her mother was German and her dad an army chef so I suppose it figures that she could cook.

    The latest 'bulletin' on todays texts, she sent me another one about an hour go saying I could phone her but no pressure if I didn't want to. I have, against my counsellors advice organised to call my friend tomorrow evening. I thought after the number of phone calls we have had over the weeks it would look a bit odd if I didn't want to call her. I may tell her what's going on with me, not sure appreciate your thoughts on that one. I want to stay friends with the lady but I don't want to feel anxious about it as I know it really just isn't worth it. Crikey wasn't meant to be this long need to go and check on my rabbits and sort me dinner out. I dug 2 gammon steaks out of the freezer and will see what I can do with them. If I get it wrong I can always use them to resole my shoes lol.

    Bye for now.



  • Well sounds like music could be a help to you , it can be great looking up the old songs on You tube as long as you can deal with any memories they may bring up

    Yes men can be excellent at baking better than women at times and may I say it is never to late to learn , maybe start of with a simple Victoria Sponge which anyone can manage :-)

    Your wife sounds like she made delicious cakes and like you said with her background you can see why :-)

    The phone call , if you want to stay " Just Friends " and you feel you can control your emotions then that is fine but if you can't control them then sometimes we cannot be " Just Friends " but only you know how you feel and the answer to that and I am sure you will make the right decision :-)

    I do hope the Gammon steaks do not end up as soles on your shoes and you manage to make something nice , I am sure you will

    You sound like you have a little zoo there what with the dogs and now the rabbits :-D but pets can be very therapeutic as well as good companions :-)

    OK then I hope everything works out for you :-)

    Take Care x

  • Hello, Thank you for your reply earlier. I have read and noted all your points and particularly the on going saga of the friend and the phone call, sounds like the title of a book, not much of a plot though lol. Had quite a good night at the radio club, it has really fired up my enthusiasm for this interesting hobby.The only trouble with this hobby as with most others it can take a lot of money which I haven't got so I will need to look at used equipment to get going again I was one of the youngest there (I am 61) which is of concern to me for the future of the hobby. Unless youngsters can be attracted to it as with anything it will eventually die but there we go.

    I am interested in politics and I am watching the General Election results programme. I am going to try and stay with it all night. I have nothing on that I need to be too alert for on Friday, apart from that call later on!!

    I was speaking to one of the guys at the club tonight who is bipolar and has lost all his friends to the condition. I told him the great and supportive people on here and hopefully he will join and get some help.

    Oh well best go for now.



  • Well you should feel good if you were the youngest at 61 :-D

    As you get older it is nice when you can think I am the youngest and I would say just enjoy it for now as you never know what the future holds :-)

    I am interested in the end result of this election and a friend has messaged me they are going to stay up to see the results coming in , I said just tell me when it is done and who got in , I feel with everything that is happening at the moment it is a worry , this can actually make me feel anxious to be honest and I have to try and have faith that they know what they are doing but I do struggle with that one but votes will all be in now and so as we say what will be will be , lets hope we have got it right :-)

    That is very sad to think someone has lost all their friends because of a MH problem and all I can think is they were not true friends in the first place if they walked away and I hope they may come on and take a look at us as we do not walk away but hopefully we let each other know someone is listening and we understand :-)

    Take Care x

  • Hello again still here, it is going to be a very long haul and the level of tiredness on Friday will probably fuel my anxiety but I am staying with it regardless. It is looking very interesting but early days. Do you stay up late regularly, I think night time, especially in bed can be a bad time for the worries and stress to raise their ugly heads. I know sometimes like last Friday/ Saturday morning I was not feeling too good.

    Just before xmas last year we had to spend a lot of time in the bedroom as we had the decorator in doing the front room. My wife was in a wheelchair and I often can see her in that chair. She reached the point were she could not stand and was taken into hospital on 22 Dec. We had at the same time as the room was decorated new carpet all through and new suite. My wife never walked on the carpet or sat in the reclining chair I got for her. We celebrated if that is the right word our 20th wedding anniversary in hospital on the 28th Dec we saw the new year in and then the worst day of my life 4th Jan she passed away.

    Sorry this is a bit depressing at this hour.

    I will leave it there for now.



  • Hello , I am still up :-)

    I have to admit years ago I would find night time the worse time for thoughts etc

    Now I am just a late owl :-)

    For me I always wait till I am really tired as I find then when I go to bed I go straight to sleep and saves this mind of mine from working overtime , so that is the reason I can be quite late going to bed

    I have just put the voting on to have a little look at how it is looking even though like you say it is early days yet , I am telling myself not to get to interested in it because I know I will pay tomorrow if I do with the lack of sleep , because anxiety is so much worse when we are tired

    No that was not depressing at all speaking about your wife , I am so pleased you got to have your Anniversary and to see the New Year in together :-)

    You know when someone dies it is so much harder for those left behind the person that has died is no longer suffering and because we love them we didn't want to see them suffering but for us the void loosing them leaves can feel unbearable but she left you with so many memories , 20 years worth so while you have those and the love in your heart she is always here with you :-)

    Have you thought about maybe changing the room around a little , maybe moving the furniture round , it could work and take those images away that cause you sadness , just a thought :-) x

  • Hello, Yes I am pretty certain I will feel a bit down tomorrow as you say anxiety feeds on tiredness. But I am absorbed now and will try and stay with it.

    I get the feeling but maybe I am wrong, you have lost somebody close not too long ago. You seem to have the clarity of what I am feeling that only a loss of someone close can give. It is the worst feeling and without Cruse, the support of my friends and there and brother I would be in a much worse situation than I am now.

    The idea of changing the room round is a good one but due to the size of the bed the options are very limited but I will give it some thought.

    I was wondering which region of the uk you live in, not a problem if you don't want to tell me. We have to be very careful on the internet to maintain our personal security. I don't think it gives much away if I say I live in Wolverhampton but come originally from Newark near Nottingham.


  • Hello

    I lost my Mum , it is a while ago now but she was my rock and to this day I miss her so very very much , she was to young I feel to have left us and it was with no warning

    I also lost my Dad which was 2 years ago and part of me is ashamed to say it but I do not feel the same over that loss but that is due to how he was with me but as far as my Mother goes the pain is always there I feel but you do learn in time to carry on and you know that is what they would have wanted for us so in their memory I think we have to :-)

    You are right I would not announce which part of the uk I live but will say I know Nottingham and Wolverhampton

    Good luck with following the election results , I am going to wait to see what has happened in the morning

    Take Care x

  • Hi Lulu.. I have also lost my mother sometime ago but it seems like it was yesterday. I think that yes it was also hard the loss of my father but the mother was the hard core of the family.

    What can I say... I lost my dad in January and that same year in April lost my mom to a car accident. It has been hard but like you said life must go on.

    I believe they are taking care of us from above and will be there to great us when the time comes... which hopefully will be many more years from now.

    You take care for now and I'm here: :)

  • Hello :-)

    I am so sorry to hear about your losses and you are so right the Mother usually is the core of the family and loosing her no matter how old you are or young leaves a gaping hole , feels like part of you is missing and I am middle aged shall we say been polite as a lady never gives away her age but you still want your Mother to be about

    Was different with my Dad as the relationship we had was not good at all and like I replied I felt so guilty because the grief has been nothing like it was with my Mum in fact I can say I still grief more for my Mum than my Dad which I feel awful at times that it feels this way but as people say and I know it is true I did love him but because of how he was with me I won't feel the loss to the same degree as the Mum that was always there for me

    Thank you for your reply and the same if you need to talk , I am just a message away :-)

    Stay strong & Take Care :-) x

  • Yes! will stay strong and we are here for each other. Ha.. I am of middle age also.. :) No matter the age you always want to you mum by your side. I'm sure they are watching over us..

    Have a good day and play music and enjoy! :P)

  • Thank you for your reply. I don't know if you have seen my other posts, my wife died on 4th Jan this year so I do know exactly how you feel. I am assuming you are in UK, (no need to say of course) I have had tremendous support and help from Cruse Bereavement Care, both one to one and through a local support group.

    I am working through the grief with good days and bad days. I have only been on here a few days but it seems a really good website. lulu-1 has responded to my posts with lengthy helpful replies and I do appreciate the time taken to type it and send.

    Oh well I will not ramble on any more. Probably be back later.

    Take care



  • Hello, EMB1225 welcome to the discussion. I lost my wife 4th jan this year and as I have said to lulu-1 I have had marvellous support from Cruse Bereavement Care. I would recommend that anyone who has had a bereavement contact their local Cruse. I am going after this post, not to bed but staying with the election results. As I get more tired my typing may get a bit iffy. Take care all and have a restful and peaceful night.



  • Good Morning all, I just wanted to apologise to lulu-1 and EMB1225 I did not express my condolences to you both. I don't want people to think I am just on here to help myself at the expense of others. I want to help others as I am too aware of the misery that Anxiety and Depression can cause.

    Just as I thought going to bed at 05:15 after watching the election results has had an effect on me but not as bad as I thought.

    I have just been out jog/walking round the park so when that kicks in I will feel better.

    Ok just wanted to get that off my chest and hopefully I will be more considerate in the future.

    Take care all



  • Good morning Laverdasf, thank you for your thoughtfullness! Always nice to have caring people in our world.

    Have a fantastic day!

  • Hello, I have made the call to the lady friend it was a bit difficult and I got a bit upset but I got through it. She repeated that she made it clear from the outset she was not looking for somebody else. She was very reasonable about things and we did finish up laughing and joking so I guess it worked out ok in the end. I still feel a bit upset but she has left it up to me, either just see her at our group meetings or we can remain friends and go for coffee now and again. It is all a question of what I want to do. I am going to go for the stay friends option but I am going to try and stay a bit distant without ignoring her and see were that takes me. I hope a bit further down the line when I feel stronger I could go out for lunch with her without getting stressed. So that is that with that issue for now, hopefully.

    Another thing any suggestions on what to do to make Sundays easier. This Sunday is the first one for a few weeks were I find myself with nothing on and being alone. I have plenty to do but may not feel like doing it. Just wondered how other people that may be on their own get through or even enjoy Sundays. Sorry a bit long again.



  • Hello, I thought you were fed up with my moaning miserable posts and avoiding me not the case obviously.

    I have had this discussion with my friend and said to her I am not looking just to fill the space left by my wife passing away. If I ever I do find someone they will not be replacing her but somebody I have grown to love and can have a full and happy relationship with. It is dreadfully unfair and very selfish just to fill the gap with someone else. I think a relationship based on that is not really a relationship at all surely it has to have meaning and consideration for the other persons feelings.

    As regards Sunday I am sure I will get through it. I have a chicken to cook numerous things to do and if the weather is alright a big garden that needs attention. I also have 4 fish tanks running and another small one to set up so in theory getting bored is not an option lol.

    Regards laverdasf

  • Hello there, sorry for your anxiety regarding the new lady. You are taking time to reassess what is important to you now. To fill your life with the things that make you happy and content. The better you feel about yourself the easier it will be to meet ladies and feel ok. Good luck. You'll be ok 😊Amanda

  • Also on a Sunday pack a picnic and go walking . Works for me😊

  • Hello, thank you for both of your replies. I had a difficult phone call with the lady friend on Friday. But today I emailed her some pictures from a day out we had together and the texts were flowing nicely. She says she has a book for me to read. I was told by my Cruse counsellor to break all ties with this lady as it will only end badly for me. However after Friday's phone call, a good think about things and a change of medication the situation seems more under control. I have accepted she is just a friend and getting worked up about her seeing other guys is pointless. So hopefully going forward I can feel more relaxed about the situation and continue my journey through grieving for my departed wife.

    Take care.

    Regards, laverdasf

  • Well that all sounds very positive. The more relaxed you are about things the more your personality and true self will shine . This lady obviously enjoys your company and that's great . Take care .

  • Thank you for your response to my post. I just can't break off all ties with this lady as my counsellor advised. I see her at the Cruse group meetings so it would only make those difficult. I think if I am careful with what I do and say I can work this out. I realise that this friendship got too serious on my side and I need to learn that women can be just friends, difficult though it may be for me. This lady is intelligent and I like talking to her, she has had a bad time, losing her mother and husband of 40 years within 4 months of each other.

    Oh well best go, take care.

    Regards, laverdasf

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