More questions than answers

Hey guys so I met my ex yesterday and its over at least I think it is as she's still not sure what she wants or how she feels. We spine for nearly 4 hours and I told her how I feel I asked the questions I wanted to ask and she couldn't really answer all of them. It was plainly obvious she is having doubts about her decision and she pretty much admitted it, but for what ever reason she has convinced herself she has made the right one. I could go over everything that was said and not said, but I don't really see the point.

I text her today and said I think it's for the best if I cut off contact with her for a bit because I can't handle the just being friends thing. I'm not sure if that's the right decision or not.

I'm completely broken I've been in tears most of the morning and I feel like I can barley function. I was hoping for a straight answer either way from this but now I feel like I've got more questions. Not sure where I'm gonna go from here.

Hope you guys have had a better weekend than me.

Willrich

19 Replies

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  • Hi Will

    Im sorry it didnt go the way you had hoped, and you will feel crap now...... But you have your answer and thats good..... No contact is definately the best thing....... Im going through the same thing so I definately know...........

    Its crap really crap, but now you can start to get better........ I think its worse with the anxiety of not knowing where you stand.............

    Its a greiving proces that you have to go through....... and Im right there with you........

    Even though I was the one that finished the relationship, Im still going through the same stages........

    And I promise you , you will get over it and you will feel better..............

    Be strong............ have no contact, you have to be cruel to be kind.............

    Let us know how you are..

    Lots of love Ker xxx

  • Hey Ker I got some of my answers but was left with questions to. Just think I need to be on my own for a bit and just be selfish for a bit. Things are just so emotional intense at the minute I'm struggling to see a way out.

    Hope your doing good x

  • Yup its crap..... its an emotional rollercoaster and all you can do is ride it............ take it day by day,,,,,,,,,,,,, if youre like me your feelings will change day to day.......

    But one thing I know for sure, is no good comes out of keeping in touch, not for the immediate future anyway.......... its confusing and only human nature to hope things will work out........ look at me saying this and I was the one that finished it.......... but thats still how I feel......... I still have exactly the same feelings in fact in some ways worse, cos I question what I have done.......

    But anyway I know it prob feels worse now, but it will get better........

    I googled how to get over someone and it really helped.... practical things like getting rid of reminders and also it gave you the stages of grief you go through, this really helped me cos you realise youre not on your own!!

    Wish I could give you a big hug and make you better..... but you will be better one day soon

    XXX

  • Dude, oh bless you,

    Now listen to Auntie Cookie, you made a big leap forward, you told her you needed YOUR space, which shows you are thinking about your well being, which is great. As much as we ladies would like to think it, the world does not revolve around us lol

    Of course you are hurting Will, you wouldn't be human if you weren't, I'm hurting as I lost my father in law yesterday, but I know I'll get through this. We will be strong together, deal ?

    You are a good person who deserves to be happy will. So be strong, be brave, put them slippers on and have a peaceful, restful day.xxx

  • Ahh Cookie... you always say the right things............ I hope you and your oh are doing ok!!

    Lots of love Ker xx

  • Hi Anne, I do try lol

    You are hurting the same as our will and I really hope you both find peace of mind. I hope you enjoyed casino night xxxx

  • Im fine ta........... stayed out a little longer and it was an ok night........ I think your pain is worse than mine anyway, so sending you and your oh lots of love and strength......... keep smiling cookie xxx

  • Yeah was just hoping for some straight answers yesterday and I'm still left with questions. But I've for to start getting my head together and moving on. Then hopefully given time we can just be friends as she is a very special person and I would like to think we could stay in touch.

    Was so sorry to hear your news puts my problems into perspective and I really shouldn't be this upset over this. Hope you and you OH are ok.

    Te slippers are on and I'm watching crap tv and trying to arrange a night out for my birthday in a few weeks which I'm really not look forward to at the minute.

    Take care cookie willrich

  • Hey you

    Maybe the best thing is to cut contact. It may make her realise what she has lost once she knows you are not around.

    I am not one to comment properly on these things at the mo. Not exactly right saying do this and do that the way things are going in my life at the mo. You have to do what is best for you. Give yourself some time for you xx

  • Yeah I think it's best she said she needs time so I'm giving her and me that. It's so hard she has been such an important part of my life. I've just got to concentrate on me for a bit. Hope your ok what's going on with you if you don't mind me asking I probably have read about it, but my brain has shut down today. x

  • My OH has anxiety and has shut down. Only seen him once this year. Its been 8 months since it all happened. He has a lot going on, bankrupcy due to a ex, and a friend died that pushed him over the edge.. I get the silent treatment when he has a complete shut down. People say walk away, but you dont walk away from someone who is poorly. A lot of people dont understand anxiety. Thats why i come on here to find out and be able to support him.

    Its hard when someone plays a huge part in your life. You just have to look after yourself. Believe me i have only grasped that this week. Not walking away but having time for me. You need to do the same. Its hard, but what use are you to yourself if you dont. x

  • Your story has really helped me Lou, I did wonder if I was pushing Stephen away cos of my anxiety, I too went through bankrupcy last Nov, then all the crap with my son not talking to me, and I wondered if thats what I was doing with stephen, but it doesnt alter the fact of how his mohter is,,, and you are standing by your oh and doing what you can..... mine on the other hand has done nothing to try and keep me....

    I realy hope your oh can find some stregth to give you what you deserve cos he doesnt realise how lucky he is.....

    xx

  • Will

    (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

    Cant add more than whats been said , but we are here

    Love

    whywhy

    xxxx

  • Hey whywhy thanks. She just confuses me she has just text saying how much she cares and how she wants things to be different. It just confuses me if she feels that way why can't we just try or am I just a complete mental case. The thing that's left me with so many questions is this last week when we have been speaking and yesterday wen we saw each other proved to me she isn't sure she's made the right chocie I'm just getting conflicting messages from her. Hence the confusion lol

  • Will

    I am a woman , maybe I shouldn't say this but I will , when we are not sure , we can play games a bit , like I want him , Im not sure & so on , especially if we think they want us

    At the moment it sounds like she is playing with your emotions & you

    You have to stay strong , its hard I no , but if it were me I would say "I do still love you , but until you no what it is you want , I don't want or need these mixed messages , contact me when you no it is what you do want "

    It may sound harsh , but us ladies need telling sometimes & you need to keep your sanity , this must be playing havoc with your emotions , mind , & anxiety

    In the meantime , look after you , get yourself stronger

    Someone suggested to someone on here , which I thought was good , they should put am elastic band on their wrist , & when they thought about OH to ping it :-D have a go , it will distract you when you start thinking, about the situation

    I do feel for you , I really do , don't allow yourself to be pulled one way or the other , you are worth so much more than that

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • As always thanks whywhy. I said as much as that when I text her about me cutting off contact and I was hoping she would take some time to think about things. Then I get that text and again it just makes me think she for what ever reason has convinced herself shes made the right choice, but her actions have contradicted that.

    It's just been hard this whole situation has been weird for me. I feel like I've come across as a really needy neurotic person and I'm far from that. I just want her to be sure on what she wants and if that isn't me then so be it I'll hurt and I'll move on. I just don't want her regretting get decision and getting hurt. I feel really sappy saying that, but even if its without me in her life I don't want her hurt.

  • Theres no harm in been a thoughtful caring person Will , & that's what you are & it doesn't sound soppy , saying that

    Don't worry or re think about what you might have come across like , again you will send yourself mad & the answers in your head wont be how it was , it never is

    If she regrets her decision , it sounds harsh , but that would have to be for her to deal with , you have tried your best , we cant protect others , I have learnt that along the way & trying to just get hurt myself

    Take each day as it comes , at the moment for you , making you as happy as you can

    You will be stronger from this , all pain we go through does make us a stronger person , its only after we see this

    Keep talking on here , this will get better

    xxx

  • Oh Will,

    I'm sorry it didn't go as you'd hoped. Of course you're upset, it's to be expected, love and it does get better.

    You are doing the right thing by giving yourself some distance. Please try to stand by this decision even though I know it will be hard. She sounds very confused at the moment but she does not have the right to take you round in circles with her. You cannot have your emotions played with like this so you are doing the right things taking a step back and focusing on you for a change.

    One way or another it will sort it's self out in time, I promise.

    Love

    Lizard.xxx

  • hi will so sorry you havent got the responce you was hoping for. i think that its a good thing you have cut ties with her for a while and maybe forever. she either wants you or she dont, dont let her play games with your head. dont text or call her again, if its ment to be it will. from the sounds of all this will i think you deserve to be treated better. i no it hurts now but trust me when i say it will get better and you will look back and wounder what you saw in her when your looking in to your girlfriends eyes. x

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