Pushing him away

Hi all,

I'd love some advice before I really do lose my boyfriend. My anxiety has been getting worse over the last few months as my job prospects have got more shakey. I'm scared that I won't have enough money coming in and am finding it hard to look for work. I cannot relax and stop thinking about it. I'm studying as well, which is suffering.

But the real problem causing me to write is I can't help taking it out on my boyfriend. Whenever we talk on the phone I end up tears. He is always trying to find the solution to my work problems or reassuring me that it will be ok. I have told him I just want someone to be there but the more he cannot solve my problems the harder he finds it and the more scared and anxious I get leading me to have panic attacks on the phone.

While we have had a solid relationship I know I can't take it for granted. He is really frazzled and stressed at the moment and I can feel him getting more and more fed up. I am so tempted to call him and show him how I can be ok but it doesn't work. And I'm still being selfish and not supporting him - he really needs it too.

Basically it's my anxiety that will end up killing it. I need to get a grip. I feel like I can't breath right now and I'm exhausted. Any advice at all would be much appreciated.


5 Replies

  • Hi

    For some reason with this anxiety we seem to take it out of the ones we love the most

    I to can be guilty

    I no this doesn't make it right , but you are not on your own

    He sounds like a good one & so I wouldn't want to loose him , they can be hard to find

    Have you thought about writing down how you feel to him , so you don't explode , because if he were to see how you feel like your blog reads , I am sure he would have a better understanding & you both would be able to sort this out

    I hope someone will come along over the job front that can give you some good advise

    You will feel exhausted , anxiety & stress is the most exhausting thing there is , be kind to yourself , do something nice for you &try & allow your mind to clear , all your thoughts are becoming a bundle of fear at the moment

    Hope you feel better soon & you sort this , let us no




  • I agree with this too. All the best x

  • Hi,

    Sorry to hear about your problems and that you are feeling down. Whywhy is completely right - we often need an outlet - and those closest to use end up in this role. Not all of them find it easy to deal with it. I am sure he feels frustrated if he is on the other end of the phone, worrying about you, and can hear your anxiety. You say you have always had a 'solid relationship'. I am sure this is still the case, and he loves you for all the things that always made your relationship work - your personality, your views and opinions. Just remember this when you speak to him.

    You have recognised it is your anxiety that is changing the relationship. Do you live far away from each other? Surely when you are face to face you are not so anxious with the panic attacks? Maybe trying to meet face to face, or emailing/writing down is a good solution in the meantime, so that you are not always communicating via phone, which seems to put strain on your relationship.

    Have you considered talking to someone from the Samaritans? Just a one off conversation might help you get some of your issues off your chest, and make you feel better rather than doing it through your boyfriend. Its anonymous, and really helps just to talk through things. Just a suggestion. If it means you can be more lighthearted on the phone with your boyfriend I am sure it is worth giving it a go.

    The fact that you are worried about your boyfriend shows that you really care about each other. I hope I am lucky to find someone as wonderful as you have.


  • Have you ever thought of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) or DBT (dialectial)? I have found its a great way of learning more about yourself and why things seem to get in your way.


  • Thanks so much for your help everyone. It was really helpful to be able to share on here. While I did get tearful when I saw your replies, I was able to leave off calling him the rest of the day. I got a call from him the next morning telling me that it is going to be OK. I've just been put on beta blockers (am about to ask a load of qs on another blog re that) and we're still struggling but I'm seeing him tomorrow which should be good. We live quite far from each other so the fact we've not been together for a month hasn't been helping. Thanks again everyone. It means so much to feel your support xxxx

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