Having "a not here type of night"

[AnxiousGal]

Hey have anyone ever experience a not here type of moment. Where you just sit around and everything seems like it's not there. It's hard to explain. It's like you're actually there in the moment but you're not. It's so hard to explain!!!! I have a headache and I'm sleepy and now my anxiety is really bad. I'm shaking my leg and I just have a feeling I'm just going to go over the edge and go crazy. It's really weird the way I'm acting and feeling.

[mimii]

My daghter has that she feels like shes wathing herself in a film and nothing seems real detached from reality think its called dissocaiative disorder.

[Cookster99]

HIYA, i feel like this quite often, i dont know if its the meds or what. ill be sitting watching tv, my partner will be talking to me and i wont take any of it in. i seem to dissapear for a bit mentally. makes you wonder about alien abduction lol xxx i think id notice the probe though lol xxx

[AnxiousGal in reply to Cookster99]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's going through this. I thought I was going crazy. I thought going to sleep will help but it only helped a little. Should I go to a doctor to tell them about this? Plus I'm not on meds so it's not a side effect from meds.

[Cookster99 in reply to AnxiousGal]

i would tell your GP, they can at least monitor it or give you some kind of explanation. just dont mention alien abduction, they will lock you up lol xxx do you have alot on your mind at the momment, is there something stressing you out xxx

[AnxiousGal]

Well thank you lol I do not know what a GP is but I see it everywhere. All I have is a counselor and OBGYN.

[Cookster99 in reply to AnxiousGal]

lol GP is general practitioner, your doctor. it wont hurt to have a chat. have you mentioned it to councillor, i had one of them, he didnt listen so i fired him lol xxx

[AnxiousGal in reply to Cookster99]

Lmfao. I haven't told my counselor but I think I should. Because it's getting worse.

[fadedlizard]

Hi AG,

It's definitely depersonalisation and it's a common symptom of anxiety disorders. I get this a lot, especially if I'm involved in social situations. Try not to let it frighten you. I know how disorientating it can be. Definitely mention it to you counsellor though as she might be able to help.

Best Wishes

Lizard.xxx

[AnxiousGal in reply to fadedlizard]

It's soooooo hard. I'm trying to calm myself down. Plus I'm going through something and it's not making it any better.

[fadedlizard in reply to AnxiousGal]

It is so hard, love, especially if you feel like you're watching yourself through a glass.

It's important you remember you are not going mad here. We haven't chatted before but I imagine you have been under pressure or unwell for some time now. Your mind is exhausted. All the strange thoughts you're having are the product of a tired mind, nothing else. Even the depersonalisation is your mind acting in self defence, trying to distance it's self, to protect it's self from the stress you're under.

I know you're in the States so I'm not sure if these books are available there but I'd recommend anything by Dr Claire Weeks. The writing's a bit heavy going at first but the advice is sound and so comforting. Also "Living with IT" by Bev Aisbett which is in cartoon form and is very accessible ~ it helped me so much when I was first ill.

You will get better. It doesn't always feel like this.

Keep posting too so we are able to support you.xxx

[AnxiousGal in reply to fadedlizard]

Thank you so much. I think I'm suffering from health anxiety too. I'm driving myself nuts and I'm crying and getting depressed. It's really bad. I know people said to stop googling it but I keep googling. I spent 2 days straight looking up a disease and it's horrible how it affects me.

[fadedlizard in reply to AnxiousGal]

It's hard to do though as when we feel like that we want all the reassurance we can get. The trouble is googling never reassures us. To be honest when I'm like that the doctor can't even reassure me. I don't believe him. My health anxiety is better than it was but I still struggle. I've been laid up all afternoon with an awful headache and the little voice in my head is still there saying haemorrhage, stroke, etc. So hard to keep my breathing normal, to relax, to keep saying "no, it's a headache" to the little voice but I'm getting there and you will too.xxx

[AnxiousGal in reply to fadedlizard]

I have this anxiety that I have HIV and I just started researching and digging up old flames I slept with. And I've been researching for 2 days straight. Nonstop. It's crazy. I'm trying to see if this is my anxiety or if it's real. I got tested and it was negative but then I was researching online and it says that if you test early it can give you a false negative so I started freaking out and called a STD place and the ER and I just got depressed and now I'm just super anxious. To make sure I'm negative I'm going to the hospital tomorrow for a test. I have to go to another hospital because I went to the same one way to many times that I think they are going to lock me up. I went to that hospital so many times in 1 single month.

[fadedlizard in reply to AnxiousGal]

Be retested to be certain. I know here you can walk into an STD clinic without an appointment. However when the test comes back negative please try to be reassured. It sounds as though your anxiety has latched on to this but I know how dreadful it is making you feel. Try not to think about it anymore today. When the thought comes up tell yourself " yes, I know I'm worried by this but I'm sorting it out tomorrow" and then distract yourself with something else. Try to give yourself a break from the panic. Look up some breathing exercises and find one that works for you. It does help.xxx

[AnxiousGal in reply to fadedlizard]

It's the weekend so I can't go today but I'm going tomorrow. It's so hard to stop thinking about it. I'm trying to get my mind off if it but it's just SO HARD!!!!! I cried for about 10 minutes today because I think I may have the disease. I'm just a mess. I freaked myself out looking up things on google.

[fadedlizard]

Oh darling, if it helps I think it's unlikely that you have got it. I think what you have is anxiety which had fixated on HIV. I've been there. It is so awful and I know how afraid you feel. I know you can't go today but keep telling yourself you are going tomorrow. Nothing will get worse between now and then. You are going to be ok.xxx

[AnxiousGal in reply to fadedlizard]

I've been researching a lot. Just like I was researching a cut on my labia minora and it kept on showing up herpes. I got fixated on that I had herpes. I went to my OBGYN and he said it was nothing and I still didn't BELIVE him. I went to about 6 doctors in one month. I got a paper a ER doctor print out saying in big black capitalized letters saying "you do not show signs of herpes" I still believed that I had it but I took a test and it was negative. Now it's like there are signs everywhere saying you have hiv. Every time I turn the channel or hear a conversation I say there are signs you have it! Like I was watching a show and the guy on there said "I was doing RENT rehearsals." I automatically thought rent is about people with HIV so that is a sign that I have HIV! I freaked out! I couldn't sleep for hours. I woke up thinking about it. Every time that commercial comes on about HIV testing I freak and say you must have it because it keeps showing up on tv.

[fadedlizard in reply to AnxiousGal]

That's the health anxiety thinking. There are no signs. You have become hyper sensitive. Your mind is so fixated by this it's seeing it everywhere; selecting evidence to prove its theory. I do understand. I used to be obsessed by signs and premonitions. I still see them but I now try to challenge them. There are no premonitions - just thoughts in a tired mind. And your mind is exhausted AG.

I'm going to try and get some sleep now. All being well I'll feel well enough to go to work in the morning.

I'll be thinking of you though.

Let me know how you get on.

Good night.xxx

[AnxiousGal in reply to fadedlizard]

That does makes scenes. It makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much. I really really appreciate it. You have no idea how much you helped me. I hope you sleep well.