Stuck in the quicksand

[Star-loving-dreamer]

I've had an autoimmune disease since I was young and when I was young I had no idea that I had it also during that time I had already had mental issues and my family being from a cultural and religious background believed it was demons. I was always sick with something and always tired but since I was still young I didn't have to use so much energy, mental or physical, but as I grew older and the more I had to do, the more energy I have to use the more tired I got to the point where I was so tired but not even sleep or rest or time off would help and if I used more energy than I have I would suffer excruciating pain. When I went to doctors they would tell me that nothing is wrong with me that it's all in my head and possibly I have all these other issues and because I was already suspected or already had mental health issues they thought oh schizophrenia oh um multiple personality sort of psychosis a whole bunch of things, bipolar and so on. I started getting treated with antipsychotics and and antidepressants because I was so sad and always stressed. My family would always comment that I was too weak to sensitive that I'm always sick and all that stuff and it is to the point where right now I am completely drained and I have a child now due to my destructive behavior and my incessant and obsessive desire to understand why I cannot enjoy or feel pleasure from sexual activities like other people instead it hurts it always hurts now my life is a miss I have a kid I have no job and even if I wanted to work I know I'm a no physical condition to work because I have muscle pains I have joined pains I get headaches from standing just for like 30 minutes up to an hour and the headaches to get so bad that they caused blindness in my eyes and I don't know who to talk to because I feel guilty for being sick because I have the parents that is currently di cancer and I'm born only one who's like looking after everyone and these expectations of me away above what I can do and I'm already going beyond my limit I met a point with I'm so depressed and so anxious that I feel like I'm going to die and my body is just doing exactly that I feel like my body is killing me I am my heart hurts it's hard to breathe now on I just want someone to talk to hopefully and the stand I have been to many psychologist psychiatrists and GP's and still this is where I am after so many years and I don't know if I can apply for disability or qualified as a disabled person when applying for jobs and the older I get the harder things become I just want direction what can I do being alive hurts and I just want it to not hurt🥲

[blackcat64013]

Thank you for posting so much of your background. Reading between the lines, it sounds like you just need someone to say, "how can I help?" rather than putting you down.

I was a medical mystery to medicos until I was referred to a general physician, a specialist who looked at how everything in my body works together, not just the mind or lungs or ears. Not a lot of patients know these doctors exist and to me, they are the last resort after you have seen everyone else in the health system.

To cut a long story short, I got back to physical health via extensive lab testing and learning strategies for pain management.

After everything, I have been formally diagnosed with treatment resistant depression that I will need to manage with medication 💊 and thèrapy until better treatments are discovered. Finding the right drug combination was a miracle too.

I wouldn't say it was the best experience to be prodded and poked and jabbed for blood but the outcome was worth it.