I am 23 and I have been dating someone who is 33 years old. Me and him both deal with mental health issues. His is more severe i believe he was diagnosed with psychopathy, depression, and he believes he has BPD. He has attempted before and cannot go a day without being sober. He doesnt tell his parents anything. If im not over he will stay in his room for multiple days, not eat etc. He also harmed himself over the summer. Since last november to about october i have been dealing with horrible lower abdominal pain and back pain. Met so many doctors, ran tests and everything came back fine. Ive told my therapist that sometimes i do have random pain over his house and it doesnt go away until i leave. Now everytime i go over there i experience the pain. He also says he is obessed with me, he doesnt know what he would do if i wasnt in his life.
I have been holding off on breaking up with him because I am a people pleaser and feel a guilty and sad. like I feel like I've let him down and i feel really bad. He is holding me back from alot of things. He has done things that have triggered me really bad to the point where i vision my current self is my younger self. My mom and therapist knows that his mental health has been affecting mine. I realize it now before i didnt because i was dealing with so much at the time with him, school, my mental health, and my physical health. But now im on an identity journey to figure out who i am, my interests and to connect more with others.
I just dont know how to go about ending the relationship. I feel like he might react really bad and then i will start to feel bad. Im just mentally drained from the relationship.
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LavendarLover
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Wow that's a very difficult situation, however you can't stay joined at the hip in this relationship, firstly your own health comes into this delicate situation, and no break up is easy, the emotional blackmail will soon become even more intense, and even threats of suicide attempt will drag you moan and more into this relationship. You can't change anyone yourself but you become owned by this person and then you'll become trapped, don't mess around cut all contact block your phone or even change your sim card, you need to be free and obviously the age gap is rather large and you still need to be free, there's a life out there for you, don't become a burden in a cage where your wings have been clipped, be as free as a bird and see more of life instead of becoming his trophy, I'm an older man, and I've chosen my words carefully, don't hang around him, it's not your fault he has a few conditions, just leave or if you feel you can't do it verbally send him a letter, best of luck!!!
Thank you very much for that! I honestly appreciate the honesty and overall the message as well. I do feel like a bird trapped in a cage and doing this will only set me free. Im going to write him a letter and hopefully we could schedule a time to pick up my stuff. Thank you very much for the words!
There's an old song that reminds me of your plight, " she's only a girl in a gilded cage " basically saying she's trapped and is losing her freedom, and stuck with someone she doesn't love 💔 be strong and go and feel the real world!
Oh you've got your stuff over there, this could cause problems, I'd get someone else to go, stay away as this could trip you into a whole different ball game, avoid ALL contact, you need to break this cycle and move on!
You are right, I will most likely have my mom go pick up my stuff because even seeing him and going back into his room would honestly probably cause me to have a panic attack. I have to be strong and stop being so hard on myself! Im learning everyday and theres a beautiful world out there for me to explore!
Yes, yes yes, it's a learning curve you've already been on, take your time in what you do, don't be pressured into making rash decisions,don't get cornered, just say let me think on thing's , it gives you breathing space and can get you out of awkward situations , don't be like a sheep and follow the " leader " instinct and survival goes a long way,everything we do can have consequences , tread carefully along life's footpath,and I'm sure you'll navigate the world we live in , best of luck!!!
It sounds like he is abusing you in your sleep. I had a friend this happened to. She kept having weird pain only when she was at his house. He was hurting her in her sleep. Please seek a different doctor and tell them it could be abuse. And block him on everything. Block his family. Do not respond to any of it. Get away from him NOW. Even if he isn't hurting you in your sleep, he is definitely mentally and emotionally abusing you. He's 33 and still lives at home and mentally unstable, and dating someone 10 years younger than him? It all adds up to a disaster. Please get out. And try to get into therapy. I'm rooting for you sweetheart! And there are services that can help you through all this. Stay safe
Oh wow I didnt think about that. I always fall asleep before him and dont wake back up until the morning. I usually wake up during the night but I never did when I was over his house. I have texted him a message and I feel 100% now. He did respond back but im leaving that alone. What doctor should I seek out? The pain was so horrible my whole last two semester of undergrad was a nightmare. Dealing with him, school, and the mysterious pain they believed was my muscles were weak.. My primary care is kinda meh. Ive been in therapy for about a year and I see her tomorrow! I have become more comfortable in being vulnerable and telling her things I haven't told her before. Thank you both so much, I really appreciate it!
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