Finding control or a point.

[Arc8]

Currently I'm questioning this depression. It's so strong but I keep asking why. I have so much to be grateful for and so much to be happy about but I'm not okay. All I want to do is sleep and just not deal. Some days it's hard to see the point in all of it. I'm still trying out new meds and it scares the hell out of me. Some make me feel sick, some make me feel lost and some have no effect. I've had mental health issues for 21 years now and I can tell when I'm getting close to an anxiety or a breakdown but I want to be to finally function like I'm supposed to. I know I'll never be "normal" but is there truly a way to feel at least a little more in control. I have OCD too so no control triggers my anxiety. My doc also believes I have ADD.

[NorwegianWood]

Depression doesn't carry much logic with it. Our thinking doesn't always reflect reality. Our lives may be great but our brains may tell us that we're dying. For me anxiety attaches itself to anything it can find, including old memories that pop up, distorting reality by blowing up what are normally considered minor events into what feels like serious events where we doubt our integrity, our value, and independence.

Depression is not reality but it feels like it. Daily exercise has shown to have the same positive effect on depression as medication and will surely assist the meds that you're trying.

I'm glad you're on this forum where you can get perspectives other than what depression tells you.

[Arc8 in reply to NorwegianWood]

Its definitely hard some days to be rational with my thoughts. I question everything and it makes me feel so crazy. Thank you, I'm glad too that I joined. I've been looking for a group like this.

[fauxartist]

Depression is chemical....it's a disease....it's not curable...only manageable. There can also be contributing factors that exacerbate your depression such as trauma, abuse, childhood neglect, etc. You will have days where you feel sad, just because your sad does not mean there needs to be a reason to feel sad.....it's the disease. Some days your going to feel okay, and think maybe this thing has passed, only to find yourself going back down again eventually. It's cyclical for most of us, and it ebbs and flows....but you can learn your own coping mechanisms as everyone is different, some take SSRI's, and therapy helps to understand depression and see it for what it is. We learn to live with it, not let it define us.

[Dolphin14 in reply to fauxartist]

Well said

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to fauxartist]

Faux: Ditto Dolphin!

[Arc8 in reply to fauxartist]

I was diagnosed when I was 7. Been on and off meds and in many different therapies. My trauma honestly started with bullying which causes alot of self doubt. I feel like it should be something that seems so minor because alot of kids get bullied but I was already battling depression at such a young age that it just has created this huge impact. But my big demon lately though is a wedding that is coming up....its my spouses friends. I want to go but the groom's cousin will be there and I have some trauma history with her. Been thinking alot about it lately, having alot of flash backs which then opens up alot of other doors to other demons and then I just feel like the biggest pile of shit.

[fauxartist in reply to Arc8]

Well your not a pile of shit for having PTSD about trauma, you are just in need of help to navigate through what happened and how to cope with this. If your not able to go to your friend’s wedding, then you have to be up front with your friend about it. Let them know ahead of time you just can't go....and be clear. You don't have to tell them anything personal, but you don't want to leave them hanging either. 6-10 people are bullied at some time in their lives, I think that statistic is much higher now because of social media. It leaves some of us traumatized for life. No one who was severely bullied goes unscathed from the experience, and many of us need therapy for years because of it. You can be bullied not only by school jerks, but parents, siblings, so called spouses, a boss, a fellow worker, the list is endless.

Self deprecation isn't the answer....getting help is.... I know ...I ran myself down for years.

[Beevee]

I had really bad anxiety which brought on depression. Thankfully, i recovered by learning to accept all those negative thoughts and feelings.

I am not convinced depression is a disease, especially if triggered by some sort of trauma or stress. It's the brain's way of coping and will eventually sort itself out if the sufferer accepts things how they are for the time being and doesn't waste time questioning why they feel the way they do. That just magnifies the problem. Adding more stress to a stressed out mind and body.

I could not pinpoint what led me into the vicious cycle and gave up trying. I suspect it was stress induced and crept up on me before announcing itself as a massive panic attack and constantly feeling uber stressed and fearful. I kept myself in the cycle by spending all waking hours worrying about how I felt.

I then bought two books which explained exactly what was going on in my head and body, why it stuck around and how to overcome it. It took a while but i got there. I got myself into this pickle so it was up to me to get myself out of it.

I strongly believe that anxiety and depression doesn't gave to be managed or put up with. With the right attitude of acceptance and learning not to question any of if, no matter what those thoughts were saying (a by product of anxiety and depression and all complete bollocks as I duscovered during the recovery process) the mind and body will fix itself.

Overcoming anxiety and depression is like recovering from a broken bone.

You don't have to do too much as the bone heals all by ifself. An anxious person will continually poke and prod at the broken bone, worrying and stressing about it not healing.

Those books I mentioned are called Essential Help for Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes and At Last a Life by Paul David.

Like someone said to Paul Davud when he was searching for answers to his anxiety and depression, you won't get better until you stop trying to get better.

It's the trying to think and feel differently that stop people from recovering.

[Sunshine425]

Sometimes depression doesnt need a reason for occuring.. it just happens. To the best of us...

Anxiety causes us to live in fear and depression causes us to not feel satisfied.

Its a battle. But I suffered for 10 years... and learned its a battle worth fighting for. The sun will come. Keep hope a part of your daily life. ☀️