My Week: PMDD, Stolen Joy, and Radical Acceptance

[MermaidFairyPrincess]

I've been dealing a lot with depression this last week - nowhere near the lowest low I've been, but it doesn't feel good to be experiencing after I've been doing so well the past few months. I can identify a few things that triggered this, and I thought I'd share just to get my feelings out there, see if my experiences and coping strategies are helpful to anyone else, and see if anyone has any advice for the pain I am still feeling.

Firstly, it is the week before my period and I suspect that I have recently developed premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I never had premenstrual issues before, but this past year my depression always gets much worse during this week like clockwork. Multiple professionals have agreed I likely have PMDD, and while it helps knowing what the cause is, knowing that my moods work on a clock and that the depression will not last, and being able to plan ahead for these low weeks, it is also very disheartening to know that this is just something I'm going to have to deal with every month for the foreseeable future.

The other thing that has been bringing me down may seem a little silly, but I cannot deny that it has been affecting my mood. I have been trying to bring as many things into my life as I can that can bring me joy, and my absolute favorite new thing is a love of stickers and stationery. I signed up for a sticker subscription service called STICKII that I absolutely adore. This month's subscription has been severely delayed in customs by the crazy tariff situation, however, and although the company has been communicative about it, there is no knowing when they will be able to finally ship them. This has really brought my mood down. Without getting too much into it, one of my biggest triggers and causes of fear, anxiety, and depression lately has been politics and the state of the country and world. I have been trying to do the things I love, like using stickers, to distract from those things, but this situation just makes me feel like no matter what, the people in charge have the power to even take those things I love away from me.

When I got into dialectical behavioral therapy, I found the concept in that school of thought that is both most necessary for me and the most difficult to master is that of radical acceptance - the ability to recognize that you can't change something and stop trying to fight those things you can't change. I'm trying to apply this to both of my big triggers this week, both knowing that I can't cure my own PMDD or solve STICKII's tariff problem. I know what I can control is my own reaction to these things: as much as I love stickers, there are other things I love, too, like writing, reading, and video games. And I can use these joyful things to try and push against my hormonal depression. But I still find myself checking my email constantly for sticker updates. I think I am still trying to resist reality, even though I know I can't change anything.