Fear of past repeating itself

[Lifesearching]

It kind of goes off the posts I have before, but I’m afraid of being friends with other women. I’ve been trying hard to be a “girls girl” but sometimes I don’t know if I’ll get the same loyalty that I give out. Like say if I have a girlfriend, I make sure she knows I’m not interested in her husband or bf. But the moment my man comes around, she’s the first to try to play in my face and see if she can seduce him🥺. Or she’ll be all nice and cute in conversation to me, but next does some passive a like call my bf or send him messages the next moment and it’s so stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t always a loyal chick in my younger years. But I’ve learned the mistakes to be loyal in my adult years where it counts especially when life gets more serious.

The same goes for the guy I’m with too. I could be super loyal, not try to flirt with his friends, make sure I’m not doing anything weird behind his back, but I literally have no clue if he would take the opportunity to betray me if it came to him you know? Is he strong enough if women who are more beautiful than me come around him? Is he who he claims to be behind my back? Or I hate those guys who low key think your friends are cute

I get that I can’t expect others to be like me, but I’m just wondering when the day will come when someone has the same level of loyalty and respect for me and I don’t hav to question it or keep bringing it up💙like I’m just so tired of giving so much and not knowing if I’ll get it in return. Im not perfect but I never realized how hard it is to find genuine people. Like usually they’re super nice but there’s a catch or hidden agenda. Or a mask to cover up hate. I know for a fact karma is real, I’ve seen it play out in my life. I just feel like right now at this place in my life I have so much I could lose. I’ve already hit rock bottom, so just been praying I do have the right people around me so I don’t hit another rock bottom. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed about whether I can trust those who claim to have my best interest I just want to disappear and cut everyone off. Thanks for reading or listening.

[Italianmomma]

That's not a true friend if she's trying to get at your man. And if your man goes along with her he's not a loyal man.I would cut her off.

And I would have a talk with him.

Your already assuming that this is gonna happen because of past mistakes.

We all make mistakes. Including myself.

We learn, we grow and evolve.

You can't change the past. But it does sound like you have learned. I wouldn't worry about it unless it happens.

Big Hugs xo

[Lifesearching in reply to Italianmomma]

I guess it’s a somewhat sticky or tricky situation when it comes to opposite sex friendships especially ones me and my bf had before meeting each other. I’ve known a few guy friends for awhile, but never hang out with them alone or my bf has met them. And he has friendships with his friends wives who have known him for years. I guess it’s all about boundaries and I’ve brought up moments I wondered if he is being too overly nice to other women. The toughest part for me is the mutual friend of people I know. I need their help professionally, but personality wise I’m not sure if they’re my kind of crowd if that makes sense. Like women I need help from have super strong personalities and I wonder if they would try to get close to my bf if they had the chance. I’ve been really trying to make better choices thank you for listening. I know my posts get repetitive but it could be my way of venting through and working through the same issues that have been challenging for me🥺🙏🏽💙🌸

[Italianmomma in reply to Lifesearching]

I think for you it's more of a trust issue.He might talk or look but he's with you. That's all that matters.

My bf looks at other woman too. Just like I look at other men.

I think it's normal to do. Long as we don't cross any boundaries. And there are times where I talk to his male friends. But again it's just talk. And vice versa.

I'm here to listen. No worries. That's what friends do. 🫶

[Lifesearching in reply to Italianmomma]

Thank u for putting that in perspective. I think a lot of times I feel threatened even with just talking or looking because I have already had my trust broken in the past, when looking and talking is a part of daily life especially at work💙💙and I can’t sit and say I’m perfect you’re right💙I definitely look at other men or have to be nice to men at work. But it’s definitely another story if I were to start hanging out with them or just doing things I would do for my bf. He is fully aware of the trust issues that I have which I have tried working on in therapy

[Italianmomma]

Your very welcome. Glad it made sense.Looking at work is definitely a experience for me.😂

I work at a gym and there's all kinds of guys that come in. There's some hotties.🤣

I have a personal trainer that works with me and trains me. He's definitely some eye candy too look at.lol

He loves Italian woman too. Which I am.

And loves Italian food. If I was only single. OMG!!!!

[Lifesearching in reply to Italianmomma]

LOL!! Especially at a gym. Yes I can’t sit here and say I’m perfect because I work in a male dominated office, but I definitely try to maintain a boundary. There are nice looking men but Im here for work! I know my bf gets a little insecure, but his field is also female dominated so it’s natural for him to be nice to women. It’s almost like a balance. And if a guy or girl is good looking of course it’s natural to look! My mom always jokes and says be glad he’s checking women and not men 😂I have a coach (for a music class) who is also male. Great guy and very nice and talented, but I love my bf🥰

[Italianmomma]

Your mom is right!I love my bf too.😍

[Lifesearching in reply to Italianmomma]

Lol😆💙