I feel hopeless, exhausted, and lost

[BeagleHeart]

I wake up every four hours in the midst of a panic attack, maybe one or two days out of the week I get a full 8hrs but it's only becuase of exhaustion.

When I do actually start feeling better it'll last a week or two before it comes back even harder and accompanied by immense depression.

I'm currently on buspirone for what they told me they think is generalized anxiety disorder.

Until about two years ago I never had to deal with anything even remotely close to this. I desperately want it to stop. I've been going to therapy but it feels pointless, besides having two cousins whom I'm estranged from I don't have any family left nor do I have a single friend to confide in.

It's gotten so bad at times I want to seek medication which says a lot given my distrust for medication and the fact that for my entire life I've never dealt with anything this severe.

I don't know what to do let alone what to ask. I'm continuing with therapy and at the moment waiting to go give blood for lab tests. I am also reading a book recommended by another user on a similar post. I feel I am doing everything I can and nothing is improving my quality of life. To make it worse I'm very isolated where I live and becoming agoraphobic.

[froggymom88]

Hello Beagle heart. You are really being proactive and that's wonderful. That in itself is key to healing . It seems healing comes two steps forward and one step back. Don't give up! Make a list of any improvements you make,no matter how small. Try not to look at the end desire now, just for an improvement.Hugs

[UglyDuckling546]

Hi I am going through something very similar to you, apart from a little anxiety in my teens I have never felt anything like this before, I have overwhelming anxiety that debilitates me, I feel like things are better if I try something new for a short time but then it comes back in full forceIf you don't mind me asking which book are you reading?

Feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to

[BeagleHeart in reply to UglyDuckling546]

"Kick The Thinking Habit" by Richard Paterson, a fella from your side of the pond

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to BeagleHeart]

Thank you, I'll give it a try 😊

[Scarletsunrise]

Hi

I just wanted to ask are you waking up because of a panic attack or because you can't breathe? I just wondered if it would rightly be called a panic attack as panic attacks are our brains overreacting to non threatening stimuli aren't they? So they shouldn't be happening when your asleep right? I was just thinking it could potentially be sleep apnea or somesuch which might explain it. Still super scary and a health issue but not likely to be helped by anxiety medication I don't think. Obviously get a drs opinion.

Regarding medication, if you need it take it. You wouldn't not wear a cast if you broke your leg. It's not the answer to everything but it gives you the means and wherewithal to actually get better. Your not still cooking over a fire because that's the "natural way" and you should be able to. As someone who resisted medication for a long time and did not real start getting any better until I was on it I highly highly recommend, and not just getting on the lowest dose possible but the correct dose you need. No point delaying getting better!

I know it sounds stupid but go out whilst you can! The worse it gets the harder it is to overcome. When it feels hard remind yourself of this,wherever you are now ifbyou keep doing what your doing think about where that ends up. Be kind to yourself but be firm too. Even if it's only a little bit at a time, doing things you enjoy will put you with like minded people.

Join a club or use those meetup groups etc. Going to park run will get you up and exercising once a week and as someone who literally every week talks to someone new there it really is a bunch of people who are there to meet and support one another. Whether that's a few words of encouragement or ending up running (or walking) together with someone, having a coffee with them and making friends. The point of it is the community so I would highly recommend to anyone go put yourself in that community until you feel a part of it!

[BeagleHeart in reply to Scarletsunrise]

Hi scarlet, thank you for your response. I wish it were sleep apnea but unfortunately no, I may be looking at cptsd but I've not been diagnosed. I am attending therapy to try and figure it out. I live in a very rural area that doesn't offer much of anything. Thankfully I have my wife, our dog, and a small business to care for which gives me reason to keep pushing on through this despite how horribly F'd I feel. I appreciate your suggestions, I try to get out for walks but with winter in full effect here it's been difficult leaving. At the very least I take the pup outside for a few hours everyday to play games, and try to spend at least one hour doing a combination of light cardio and weightlifting.

[Scarletsunrise in reply to BeagleHeart]

I'm sorry to hear there isn't a simple solution and you are still working towards diagnosis. Hope things imrpove for you. Keep up the hard work and I'll cross my fingers that you and your drs figure out the right solutions for you soon

[BeagleHeart in reply to Scarletsunrise]

Thank you

[Franklin68]

Do you have a clear diagnosis. Took me a long time to figure out I was bipolar and after trying many things inc medication I found answers. One was increasing my Busiprone by ten times. Stopped my anxiety like that.

[BeagleHeart in reply to Franklin68]

No, unfortunately, still working towards a diagnoses with my therapist. I strongly believe I am bi polar but I have to wait to figure it out. Currently taking 20mg of buspirone a day, may I ask how much you're currently taking?

[Franklin68]

the max 60 a day

[BeagleHeart in reply to Franklin68]

Do you take it throughout the day, or all at once? I've been taking 10mg twice a day, if I take it in the morning I feel sluggish till around noon though, and if I take it at night I swear it's giving me dreams despite not remembering most of them.

[Franklin68]

am n pm 30 each

[BeagleHeart in reply to Franklin68]

Thank you for sharing

[Zhangliqun]

If the title of the book means what I think, it's good advice. I have GAD among other things and as I like to put it, you have to get your mind off your mind -- and onto gentle, pleasant things. Bunny rabbit videos to fall foliage pictures to just thinking of pleasant memories -- anything that soothes.

It's like trying to sleep -- as long as you're thinking about sleeping you'll stay wide awake. It's only when you get your mind off sleep and onto gentle things that sleep can sneak up on you and take you away to dreamland. So get your mind off your anxiety and onto these things.

Also very important: If you are isolated you need to DE-isolate, and quick. You need to be around people or it will get worse, period. People are social critters and isolation is slow death.

Best of all is to find someone who needs your help. Carrying someone else's burden is the best way to relieve your own -- and to get your mind off your mind...

[Fefe09]

I’m sorry you are having to go through this. Do you think something happened 2 years ago that maybe triggered this? Anxiety can sneak up on you though for no reason. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know how you feel . Don’t give up . Have a blessed day.