Adjusting to Retirement - My Journey so Far

[Bigoldogsmiles]

Hi everyone.

My spouse and I had retired recently, but I honestly did not realize how tough adjusting to retirement would be.

Everything from having to let go of your old routines and recognizing that they no longer work. And then having to develop and adapt to a new routine. This has also prompted personal growth for each of us.

( no one seems to talk about that aspect) Change is hard. It leaves us feeling scared and insecure. Adjusting and feeling comfortable will take time and patience on both our parts. We recognize that we need to kind and gentle. Both to ourselves, and each other as we both evolve and grow. We are trying to give each other space and room to grow as individuals and lower our expectations we have for ourselves and each other. We are trying to go with the flow. We are not growing apart, we are simply growing. This part is not easy.

We try not to dwell on the past because it cannot be fixed or changed. When I have past resentments I journal about it. He has his own way. After 40 years of being together there will be some, but I recognize that both of us have become older and wiser. We are not the same people we were when we got married.

I struggle with C-PTSD. Recently I noticed I have been having panic attacks in the kitchen. I guess after 40 years of meal making and feeling taken for granted for it has taken it's toll. I start making dinner and then my spouse has to finish it. When I clean the kitchen now I have to take my time doing it. I have to remind myself that's it's ok to take my time and not berate myself for doing it. I have to remind myself that I am not pressured or expected to make a meal when all I am going in for is a cup of tea. I have to remind myself that it's ok for me to just cook an omelette for dinner or for us to each have somthing different for dinner or to order out if we can't agree on what to cook. My spouse likes to eat a lot of meat. I'm not a big fan. The kichen is a biggie for me. I need to go slowly, gently and kindly. I will probably also have to grieve.

My spouse and I have both worked very hard our whole lives as well as raised a family. We have both put the needs of our family before our own. We now need to learn to relax and look after our own wants and needs and neither of us knows how. This is a learning curve for both of us. It is a time of self discovery but also a time to grieving It is also very overwhelming.

As I write this, I realize that there are probably a lot of books and advise columns to help to ease you into retirement and in theory it all sounds well and good. In reality, as we are both emotional at times and struggling to adapt to the many issues retirement brings up, It is messy and it takes time.

I had a friend tell me that when she retired she just sat on the couch for two years and watched tv.

I'm sure that there are many more issues regarding retirement. These are just a few that are pressing to me at the moment.

Thank you for reading! Best wishes on your healing journey!

[optimismrus]

Hi Big. I know about how tough it is to adjust. You sound like you're doing everything you can to find some peace with it. It takes time to rebuild/reinvent yourself. After I retired, I was in support groups, too. When my husband retired a few years later, he was totally clueless how to change and grow. Talk about stuck! We're separated now and much better. I hope you can work things out with your husband. Just remember, you can only fix yourself. Best wishes 🥰

[Bigoldogsmiles in reply to optimismrus]

Hi Optimismrus Than you for your feedback. I'm glad to hear you are both doing better.

[MM08]

I am in a very similar situation. I had no idea how strange and hard it would be to retire. My husband retired as well, but went back to work two weeks later!Everyone congratulates you, so you think it's a great thing, and in many ways it is (not setting your alarm, no Sunday dread, etc.) However, I found that I felt very lonely and had no real "purpose". As a social person who was a leader in her workplace, I had little interaction with others, and didn't know where to start.

I was just looking in to joining a local health center and volunteer opportunities when I got sick, first physically, then mentally. While I'm so thankful that I now have the time to focus on healing, I have a hard time seeing my life after that because I don't feel I got the chance to establish a new me.

I hope we both find a positive, fulfilling future. It's a much harder adjustment than I expected.

[Bigoldogsmiles in reply to MM08]

Hi MM08,

Thank you for your response. Yes. It seems everything about this is difficult. The best of luck to you both!

[Sitaqui]

I very much appreciate your post. We're also dealing with "retirement fallout". All our time together is triggering negative feelings. We're navigating our way thru but it's messy and slow. Your post gives me a more positive perspective that really helps me approach this better and feel less alone.

[Bigoldogsmiles in reply to Sitaqui]

Hi Sitaqui,Thank you for your response. I'm glad that sharing my thoughts on this was helpful.

I wish you both all the best for the future!