Every year my 76 year old mother in law INSISTS on hosting Thanksgiving dinner. This has been an issue for me for many years but that is a post for another time. Cases of CoVid are on the rise and we live in a cautionary zone which could well mean more restrictions at any time. This year my husband and his sister discussed Thanksgiving dinner and whether or not it was safe for her to have everyone over. Originally my husband planned to have dinner here with our two grown children. But once his mother went out and bought a turkey he gave in and said we would go. My husband is a nurse. My daughter is a nurse. My son is a firefighter-paramedic. The way her house is set up it's virtually impossible not to be on top of each other. I am LIVID!!! This is not safe and goes against every guideline I have heard. But my daughter thinks we should go because Grandma doesn't understand why she can come up here sometimes and it is ok. It's because of the layout of my home. My husband doesn't want to argue with his mother about it so he just said ok. I don't want to go. If she gets sick I want to be 100% sure it wasn't because of me. Now everyone is mad at me. Accusing me of using the pandemic as an excuse to get out of going this year. I went every year while my kids were growing up. Sometimes I went there then came home and made dinner for my side of the family. The past several years I decided whether or not to go based on how I felt and if I have the energy to deal with toxic people. Now I am thinking of what's best for her and I'm getting crap from everyone. If I don't go I won't see my children or eat. She likes to punish me by not sending home leftovers. To make things worse my husband and daughter are working on Christmas Eve, my son on Christmas day. I really don't know what to do. But I will most likely stay home alone. I simply don't understand why healthcare professionals are doing something so risky. When I asked my husband he said it will be okay. There's only going to be 8 or 9 of us and we can open the windows.
Thanksgiving : Every year my 76 year... - Anxiety and Depre...
Thanksgiving
Yes
I can relate. I hate that we have to spend every single one of our Christmas holidays (2?weeks) with my mother in law who is generally rude and overbearing. She lives a few states away so it is not cheap to visit either. I have given in every single year so my child can see his cousins, but this year I’m putting my foot down as they live in an area with a high number of cases. My husband is still fighting me on this, saying it’s miserable to spend Christmas at home!
Mpm,
It’s best to be Safe. The news looks pretty bad right now. Protect yourself, even if that ruffles some feathers.
😎
That is a good idea not sure if it's possible where I live unless I am showing symptoms. My level of comfort is generally pretty good. I don't mind running errands or going to appointments. Where I get uncomfortable is being around people at high risk when I know my husband is exposed on a regular basis working in the Emergency Room and my daughter cares for Covid patients in the hospital. There has also been several cases at the firehouse my son works in. I am around all of them, mostly my husband and could catch it quite easily and be asymptomatic. That is why I am so upset with them. I feel they aren't being careful enough around my mother in law. She is in her seventies and has underlying medical conditions.
Hi Mrspjs, thanks for being so candid and bringing up a subject that I think most people want to shy away from. The traditional family Thanksgiving Dinner. Is the risk worth it?
This year life is no longer carefree and easy. My nephew is a firefighter/paramedic and
I see the same concerns on my sister's mind.
We all have choices in life, some are good, some bad. What we don't want this year is
a choice of regret. Stay Safe 
xx
I don't fear getting sick myself but I do fear getting someone else sick. I have two very dear friends I haven't seen due to Covid. One is the friend I have spoken about before who was so desperately ill we thought we would lose her many, many times. She didn't get out of the hospital for over a year and has still been in and out since July. The other has heart and breathing problems. They both know me so well they understand why I call and text but don't feel comfortable visiting. And they love me even more for it. I guess my point is falling on deaf ears so I will watch the local trends for the next week and decide based on that. I'll eat peanut butter and jelly sandwich if it keeps someone safe. Now that I think about it a PB&J sandwich tastes better. Only joking.
I really understand that fear I was afraid to go outside even in the backyard I wore a mask every time there is a gathering or party so does everyone else 😊
Great advice. Thank you. Before he had his own family I used to call my brother to come and pick me up.
It's sad but the best thing to do
I've been thinking about you. Write me anytime personally. xx
What about joining them via Zoom, etc.? We'll be doing that for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, when we would normally be travelling home (alternating years between Thanksgiving and Christmas)
Anyway...just an idea. I didn't feel like I'd be helpful to this thread since I don't live in the States, but I changed my mind when I saw that social media hadn't been mentioned. I do hope this helps.
You are always helpful. Having others to listen is priceless. Zoom is a great idea. I have suggested it to friends.
Well, thank you so much for saying so! We actually use Messenger, but people seem to know Zoom better so I thought I'd mention that instead. Zoom requires payment if you want to use it for more than 40 minutes at a time. I am so glad I could help! Yay!
On Thanksgiving Day Zoom will be waiving the 40 minute limit so families can spend the holiday virtually. My family is all local so we are able to call each other and text. I also have a somewhat open floor plan so my children can come up and it's quite easy to stay six feet apart. Just to be extra careful when they came up last weekend for dinner we opened the kitchen window and the sliding door to the deck. As long as we aren't all in the kitchen at the same time some of us can be in the living room with others in the dining room and we are socially distant. I also have three different entrances and two bathrooms. My son has started giving me "sideways hugs". He puts his arm around me and gives me a hug while we face away from each other. I am incredibly blessed to have such a creative family. But hugs or not we love each other dearly. They were actually here to cook me dinner. My birthday was November 5th but work schedules didn't align until a few days ago.
Happy belated birthday! I'm glad that your family cooked dinner for you!
Ooh, I did not know that Zoom was going to doing that! Very smart thinking on their part! I heard that some are dubbing this Thanksgiving Facegiving because it's going to be online. Have you heard this? Anyway...that's besides the point.
Thank you for a "look" at your house. Sounds lovely. Meanwhile I'm looking at my 53 square meter, u-shape apartment... (I'm just having fun with you; I like my apartment).
My family is creative as well (especially my sister-in-laws,) so I'm looking forward to what they'll come up with for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My husband and I are the only family in Norway; everyone else is in the States. There are big time differences between us, so, while setting things up will be interesting, we'll make it work.
That is what family does! It's funny, my in-laws hate my house. It's not a big house but my lot is 1/3 of an acre with a wooded area behind it. My husband and I love it and love the view. We never wanted more house than we needed and especially didn't want to move and "downsize" once our children were grown. It suits us and I have never cared what the in-laws think lol
😊
My husband has cancer and hopefully will be starting treatment soon. He will not be able to be around anyone when treatment starts. That's the way it is and if people don't like it or can't deal with it then too bad.
Exactly and some people put it under their nose not even on the nose What’s the point in wearing it if your not gonna wear it correctly? I have been only wearing cloth masks now because when I wear the medical ones my asthma gets worse
Same me too the COVID cases are going up at my school because most of the boys don’t cover the nose and I am afraid that school will close
Wow. Sounds like your a success. Your kids and husband are all professionals.
COVID is real. People don’t seem to think it is.
His mom is probably getting old too. Maybe you guys will regret not going if she dies, oneday.
Im glad you have a family to have turkey with.
I can SO sympathize with your situation. I have been there, have put my foot down, and have dealt with both positive and negative consequences. At the end of the day, I have a lot more self respect and the world did not end. In fact, it revealed and simplified things a lot with respect to family relationships and holiday expectations.
I certainly have NEVER dealt with the life and death aspect of things that you are facing this year, and I am in agreement with your stance 100%. If you don't go to the dinner, you have more options than staying home alone and worrying though. How about telling everyone that, in light of the pandemic, you'd prefer to wear a mask and serve Thanksgiving meals at a homeless shelter this year. Or some such volunteer service activity in a controlled, safe environment. You could even go out and look for small ways to just "pay it forward." There are thousands of things you can do that will leave you feeling a lot better and less alone afterwards, and maybe some folks whose company you enjoy will actually decide to join you!
As far as eating goes, you can gobble down your favorite foods (ice cream, anyone?) while thinking about how thankful you are to be safe. And there's no law that says you can't have your own Thanksgiving dinner on any -- or on many -- days of the year, and with whomever you choose.
Let them be mad, and warrior on.
Thank you so much. I am used to dealing with the negative consequences. I am trying to "play nice" but every day it gets harder. Today my MIL was on the phone asking what pies to make. Knowing I really wanted an apple pie my husband asked for one. Her reply was I'm not making an apple pie. It's too much work. I have one in the freezer I could get out but it's probably not good anymore. On a good year my in-laws are mean to me. I can only imagine this year. My husband and daughter told me this yesterday "what's more important? Being with us or being right?" Then I found out today my new countertop are being installed Tuesday and our dog has to have seven teeth pulled on Wednesday. Feeling as if the universe is trying to tell me I shouldn't go to Thanksgiving dinner at my mother in laws but I think I'm fighting a losing battle.
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