I really feel lightheaded and inadequate rn but at September finding a place would be harder. Rn staying home, procaatinating everything in university city as if i didn't escape there and tried to build a life but failed. I really need to find a place but i can't. I can't even take care of myself and the rabbit. He loves me a lot tho. And i can't take care of my responsibilities and even fun activities in my university city just because my place is terrible and because I'm really foggybrained. I need to find where to move out but i can't. I feel bad about my savings melting. The deposit and new rent, courses, my damn gym subscription because i always tell myself i will go to yoga and sports to clean my head but am too tired to.
Right now I'm at mom's apparentment and it's chaotic but i don't want to go back to my accommodation which is not an accommodation but a ceiling storage room right now. There's litterary no place for me, and after living in a wider place like here, it seems unbearable. But i can't plan deposits and moving out and telling my landlord one month before I move out...i can't even tell my gym one month before i cancel. I don't even have Netflix and BetterHelp rn because im bad with supscribtions. Especially rn. My brain is like minced meat. And usually nobody from uni city wants to see me but now everyone's "when you're coming back" and im afraid they will find someone else to replace me. I mean i got so much responsibilities like friends and sports there just for me to retreat home and depend on mom again because I'm burnt out
I am really overwhelmed, i will check your previous replies and I'm really grateful for them, idk if i can reply to everything but know that they're important to me
After that nightmareous experience at the sanatorium I don't even want to hear from Grandma. But if i go back,i will be alone all day. I have a birthday this month and i feel scared to spend on myself even though i need it. And can't even plan
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Against_the_current
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The rabbit? What rabbit? Caring for a pet might be great therapy and what you need to do for a while.
And what sports? Do you play or watch? It’s nice to read about another facet of your life.
And it is nice that people want to see you. Can you stay with your mom where you have space and food and care and go back to the city to visit your friends? You seem to do better at your mom’s place than that creepy accommodation.
I have a rabbit since 2018. And my gym membership that I'm too fatigued to go. And it's better here, maybe not better here but worse there and idk what to do with my life
Are there ways you could get exercise without a gym membership? If getting to the gym is too fatiguing (sometimes just making the decision to go can wear a person out), then give up your membership for now and save the money. And why continue to pay for that awful accommodation when it makes you sick and you have to share to the space with strangers who come and go? It doesn't sound safe. Save that money and get health insurance.
Do you know what you WANT to do with your life and are wrestling with what you think you OUGHT to do? I think part of your problem may be that you have a lot of possibilities to consider: You could continue to pursue psychology as a researcher or a clinician or parlay that degree into marketing or other business ventures. You could explore becoming a writer or journalist. You have artistic talent as well so you could go into some kind of design work or program. You can be really funny so you might want to see what you can do with your humour. If your folks balk at your shifting your focus, point out that your psychology degree can help you get a career in so many different fields.
It's OK to take time to figure things out. Rushing into a bad decision isn't going to help you at all.
I really need time. And don't remind me how bad i spend. Bulgarians aren't good with subscriptions whether it's rent, exercise or so. Yet i can't find better alternatives. Or i can but it's exhausting. My stomach pain is back. Everything is too much. I can't do this. I can't 😭😭😭😭
"And don't remind me how bad i spend." I never said that you spent badly; please don't put words into my mouth. I was just pointing out that you have some opportunities to save — opportunities you have also recognized and mentioned in your other posts. I am supporting what you have already told us; not undermining you.
"Bulgarians aren't good with subscriptions whether it's rent, exercise or so." I think your generalization about all Bulgarians isn't going to help you. You are too smart and savvy to use that as an excuse.
Since you are too ill to do anything, what will you do? What can we do to help you? Whatever I write to you seems to be the wrong thing and I don't want to make things worse. Do you just need assurances that you can learn to cope with life? Because I believe you can. Re-read the second half of what I wrote above and you'll see that I'm being very positive about your wealth of capabilities.
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its getting worse, why can't i get him out of my head.
I am in so much pain,so overwhelmed, scared, and just can't live like this anymore 
