Low self esteem = alone forever?

[Librarylibra]

Dealing with extremely low self esteem tonight. I’m not exactly sure what triggered it but I just want to crawl out of my skin. I really wish that I didn’t feel this way sometimes. I’ve done a lot of therapy, I take meds, I literally do everything I can and know to do for self care. I eat pretty decently, I walk every day, I get my nails done and my toenails done, I spend hundreds of dollars on my hair, I use expensive skin care and make up, I get my eyebrows done, I have nice tattoos, and I even buy nice clothes. However, it seems like no matter what I do, I never quite feel attractive or good enough. I feel like maybe this is true because I am single, and I have been single for a long time. Not because I want to be, but because that’s just seems to be what happens. Don’t get me wrong I’ll go out on dates every once in a while, they never seem to pan out for more than a few dates, but I do try. I’m almost 40 and I’m afraid I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. I was married once before but that ended a long time ago. I’ve had a couple of boyfriends since, but mostly it’s been me, me and my daughter that I’ve been raising on my own. I really don’t get it. I am successful, I have a degree, I have a nice home, that everyone tells me it looks like it’s out of a magazine. I am kind and caring and funny. I feel like I just don’t know what to do. Does anyone else feel the same as me?

[Hidden]

Have you discussed these concerns with your therapist? I don’t feel the same way even though I am single. Then again I am content being single. I think if you aren’t content being single then I would say your reaction is normal considering the circumstances. I would ask your therapist.

[Librarylibra in reply to Hidden]

Thank you here_am_i for responding. I have discussed it some with my therapist. I know it comes from having a narcissistic mother that no matter what I did, I never fully received love. Certainly not unconditional love. I constantly had to mold myself to fit what I thought she wanted so I could get love. My dad pandered to her as well and made sure I stayed in line with that too. I don’t want to be single. I’ve done A LOT of work in figuring out what I want so I don’t change myself to fit others ideals. I genuinely enjoy my line of work, I genuinely like my hobbies and interests, I like taking care of myself (I finally feel worth it), I like my few friends, I like being a mom and a dog mom. I just feel like something is missing.

[Hidden in reply to Librarylibra]

It sounds like you have made lots of progress. I am unable to offer any helpful advice. You have a lot figured out. You are on sound ground.

[saramele]

Hi, I feel the same way in that nights are the worst for me. It seems like at nights theres almost nothing to focus on but anxiety.

[Librarylibra in reply to saramele]

Thank you saramele for responding. You are right, nights are the worst. I try to distract myself with a tv show, book, skin care routine, etc. but when it comes down to it, it’s not enough. I try to be grateful for what I have, but something is missing, and anxiety causes too many unknowns. I hope you find peace with the discomfort too.