Low self esteem = alone forever? - Anxiety and Depre...

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Low self esteem = alone forever?

Librarylibra
Librarylibra

Dealing with extremely low self esteem tonight. I’m not exactly sure what triggered it but I just want to crawl out of my skin. I really wish that I didn’t feel this way sometimes. I’ve done a lot of therapy, I take meds, I literally do everything I can and know to do for self care. I eat pretty decently, I walk every day, I get my nails done and my toenails done, I spend hundreds of dollars on my hair, I use expensive skin care and make up, I get my eyebrows done, I have nice tattoos, and I even buy nice clothes. However, it seems like no matter what I do, I never quite feel attractive or good enough. I feel like maybe this is true because I am single, and I have been single for a long time. Not because I want to be, but because that’s just seems to be what happens. Don’t get me wrong I’ll go out on dates every once in a while, they never seem to pan out for more than a few dates, but I do try. I’m almost 40 and I’m afraid I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. I was married once before but that ended a long time ago. I’ve had a couple of boyfriends since, but mostly it’s been me, me and my daughter that I’ve been raising on my own. I really don’t get it. I am successful, I have a degree, I have a nice home, that everyone tells me it looks like it’s out of a magazine. I am kind and caring and funny. I feel like I just don’t know what to do. Does anyone else feel the same as me?

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Hidden
Hidden

Have you discussed these concerns with your therapist? I don’t feel the same way even though I am single. Then again I am content being single. I think if you aren’t content being single then I would say your reaction is normal considering the circumstances. I would ask your therapist.

Librarylibra
Librarylibra in reply to Hidden

Thank you here_am_i for responding. I have discussed it some with my therapist. I know it comes from having a narcissistic mother that no matter what I did, I never fully received love. Certainly not unconditional love. I constantly had to mold myself to fit what I thought she wanted so I could get love. My dad pandered to her as well and made sure I stayed in line with that too. I don’t want to be single. I’ve done A LOT of work in figuring out what I want so I don’t change myself to fit others ideals. I genuinely enjoy my line of work, I genuinely like my hobbies and interests, I like taking care of myself (I finally feel worth it), I like my few friends, I like being a mom and a dog mom. I just feel like something is missing.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Librarylibra

It sounds like you have made lots of progress. I am unable to offer any helpful advice. You have a lot figured out. You are on sound ground.

Hi, I feel the same way in that nights are the worst for me. It seems like at nights theres almost nothing to focus on but anxiety.

Thank you saramele for responding. You are right, nights are the worst. I try to distract myself with a tv show, book, skin care routine, etc. but when it comes down to it, it’s not enough. I try to be grateful for what I have, but something is missing, and anxiety causes too many unknowns. I hope you find peace with the discomfort too.

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