I was in a peer support group last week and I was explaining that I want peace and calm in my life. One of the group members used the term, not my circus, not my monkeys. This really hit a cord with me. I have had very angry, bitter and complainy people around me for a long time. These people seem to have constant drama going on in their lives. Sometimes, they would try involving me in their drama. For a long time I would listen to them complain, because I thought I was being a good friend. The problem with these chaotic people is that they never had time to listen to me because of their constant drama. After a while though, that anger and bitterness they carry, rub off. They also left me feeling mentally and emotionally drained. There is nothing calm or peaceful about these relationships. Recently though, I have let go of these people.
My life has become quieter and calmer. I still struggle with C-PTSD and anxiety, but I am healing. Letting go of these people was hard but necessary. If I want a calm and peaceful life, I have to be calm and peaceful myself. I also have to be careful of who I associate with.
The term, not my circus, not my monkeys reminds me that it's ok and necessary to set personal boundaries.
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Bigoldogsmiles
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I’m glad you set boundaries that protect yourself from others negativity. It’s a life saver.
When I was a teen, all my childhood friends (and I) were into drugs and alcohol. I realized that I had to leave them all and take care of myself. I quit the drugs and drinking and stopped hanging with them. That led to a bout of depression but I kept the boundaries and focused on my education and working.
That was the best decision I’ve ever made. I finished college, and had a successful career. All my childhood friends never finished high school and most of them died young from heroin use.
Keep the boundaries and save yourself, which I’m glad to say you figured that out for yourself. Great ideas.
Thank you Cheetahone for sharing your story and for your support.Kudos to you for making such a wise and brave decision as a teen. My story is similar with the exception that I held onto one long term friend who is currently an alcoholic. After 50 yrs of friendship, I had recently put it on pause because I realized that we really have nothing left to offer each other. Our life choices have taken us down different paths and I can no longer relate to her. Nor she to me.
I went through this same thing in a group setting. No one was getting better, they just kept up the drama and loved to have the lime light.
The .... not my circus... comment is an odd one for a group support setting. Were they suggesting you to use that quote to help you through the family issues?
In my eyes that would be the statement telling me it was time for my exit.
Boundaries are huge. I just set one with a neighbor and she opted not to speak to me. That's her choice. My peace is key
Hi Dolphin14,The person mentioning the quote was saying this is something their mother used to say when someone was trying to involve her in their drama.
I feel very blessed to have a wonderful support group and all of you fine people on this forum.
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Food for thought. ((Suicide trigger warning))
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