Does anyone else feel like they are n... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Does anyone else feel like they are not important?

Red_Ruby1981
Red_Ruby1981
43 Replies

Every time I talk to my friends or family they get annoyed with me. For example, I was talking to my fiancé about that time of the month bc we are trying to get pregnant. He got so annoyed with me bc apparently I was taking too long to tell him what was important. He said I was going into unnecessary detail. And everyone always says this to me when I am not. I am just trying to explain what was going on. And y’all it’s not like I was going into gory detail either. I just feel like I’m not important enough for people to listen to me. It hurts very much because I always listen to everyone else even if they go into in-depth detail. It really makes me want to stay quiet and not participate in life because of this.

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borderriever

Could it be you are to bubbly and you get carried away when explaining situations you are trying to do, it may be you are wearing your heart on your sleeve and given that you feel people need to be to informed what is going on in your Life. Given the subject you explain above people may freeze because of been directed down a road you need to take, not others.

Now if you were to arrange a day for a marriage, you may get a positive experience, beware however, try not give a blow by blow account of the Wedding Night Lol

BOB

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Red_Ruby1981

I really feel like you are mocking me and that is not cool. I posted on here for support because I have depression and I have nobody else to talk to. I figured this was a safe place to express how i feel. I may wear my heart on my sleeves, but that shouldn’t mean the people who are close to me should get annoyed. Obviously I wouldn’t be saying everything on my mind and go into immense detail with everything. All I do is say what is important and for my fiancé and close friends and family, that shouldn’t mean I have to stop being who I am for them to accept me. All I do is listen to their problems and fears and excitement even when they are going on and on about it. Why? Because I respect them and value them and I know how it feels to have someone not listen to you.

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All_alone

Very Well said!! Kudos to you! 💪

I hope you keep posting when you need to. I have found most people on here to be very supportive but occasionally there have been a few that aren't. ❤

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Red_Ruby1981

Thank you and hopefully it doesn’t happen again.

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lorianxiety

hello there I can identify with this and ive reached an age when it shouldn't matter ,but it does cos im very isolated and alone and had been trying to get a life throughout the summer months ,which are now over ;LIving in the UK and have no companionship.everybody need s to be heard and listened to,however all my family live away from me and never encourage me to visit as they are getting on too'Right now I can cry buckets as ive not succeeded in speaking over the phone ,in the past it was ok to skim over things well they didn't care and they treat my sister whos spent most of her life institutionalised.they don't understand Mental Health ,and that's one of the reasons they cant be considerate.....and caring,they wont change im 1 of 8 …..and dread this coming winter without my wee cat who passed in March this year.If your fiancé and family really care they will give you the time of day ,im sitting typing this with one finger --I get so stressed when I hear of your plight and how it should be important to them to express your feelings without having to feel guilty or made to feel less important.please pm if you like and I will listen and understand your plight!

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Red_Ruby1981

Your story has hit me deep, I am so sorry about your family and your cat. I have lost my best friend, he was my world and his name was Elvis. He was an orange tabby cat and it destroyed my heart. Please feel free to message me if you need anyone to talk to as well. ❤️

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Sodown
Sodown
in reply to Red_Ruby1981

Your not alone. Depression is exhausting and also with it becomes people like us who feels as though no one cares. But they do but it's hard to accept in our heads. A hope your ok always here to talk xxx

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Red_Ruby1981
Red_Ruby1981
in reply to Sodown

Yes it is exhausting! Thank you ❤️

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All_alone

Hi Red Ruby. I'm sorry you feel like your not important enough for people to listen to and that makes you not really want to be involved. Over the last year I have stopped talking to people who ask me questions about my business when they dont have a clue what I do. I have found that I don't have the energy to give to them. Also when I did try to explain that lead to more questions and on and on. However, communication between you and your fiance is very important as well with family and friends. Please continue to participate in life and dont become quiet. You have thoughts and a voice and you deserve the respect to be heard. Hugs!

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Red_Ruby1981

I have been dealing with this issue my whole life. I am currently working with my counselor to help figure out ways to not be so sensitive. I went many years being inside my head and not being involved in socializing. Thank you for your support!

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All_alone

Your welcome. I also can be sensitive at times but over the years have learned to accept who I am and who I allow in my life. I hope your counselor is helping!!

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Hidden
Hidden

That is rough. I wouldn’t stay quiet and retreat. Just keep on being you. That’s what I would do.

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Red_Ruby1981
Red_Ruby1981
in reply to Hidden

Thank you!

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Want2BHappy3

Please STOP talking to friends and family about what your going through, they don't want to hear it. No one talks to me, not even my kid (very little). So to keep the Peace I say I'm Fine.

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Red_Ruby1981

So basically you’re saying that I should just say fuck it and just keep to myself while everyone else around me can express themselves? I don’t know if you are trying to help me or if I’m not understanding what you mean exactly. But I can tell you that my whole life I have always just told everyone that I was fine just to “keep the peace”. You know where that got me? I started to lose my mind, I attempted suicide and not just once. Last week I held a loaded gun to my head and wanted to pull the trigger so bad! I had flashes of images running through my mind of me pulling the trigger and just being done with it all. The only thing that brought me back to reality was my 7 year old niece and her 2 year old sister running in through the front door. I did not want them to see their aunt lying on the floor with her brains blown out. Damn it I am so tired of never being able to express myself or be accepted by the people I care about the most. I feel like I will never be accepted for me. You know sometimes all people need is an open ear who is willing to listen without judgement. I am so sorry that you have no one to talk to and you feel like all you can do is tell people that you are fine. If that’s what you chose to do then by all means continue to do it. But please don’t tell me that I should do the same.

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Want2BHappy3

Didn't mean to upset you, just telling what Worked for me, my story. You do sound consumed by this, so HOW do you plan to STOP them? Suicide will work? (Don't do that) At least You won't hear them anymore? (Guess What they will continue to talk about You). Try therapy if you haven't already? You can't let others define YOU.

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Red_Ruby1981

Wow, ok.... Obviously I was not saying they were talking about me. And yes this does bother me a lot bc I have been dealing with this my whole life. And if you would have taken the time to read any of the above comments I do mention I see a counselor. Which means I am working on it. But thanks for your help...I guess.

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Want2BHappy3

Change therapist?

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Sodown
Sodown
in reply to Red_Ruby1981

Every ones different no don't hide anything let it it out. Don't keep fuckall in that's the most stupidist thing to do Hun xx

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Red_Ruby1981
Red_Ruby1981
in reply to Sodown

Yes, that is what I have done for so many years and since seeing my counselor I have come along way. I wouldn’t want to sabotage my own progress, but it is so hard when people tell me to or act like I’m annoying them.

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Sodown
Sodown
in reply to Red_Ruby1981

Do what ever is best for you simple as. Everyone has there own opinions but not nice when you get dragged down

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borderriever

Ruby I was not trying to judge or mock you and your concerns, you asked several questions and I tried to explain how your concerns affect you.

I am a sixty nine year old man who has had very similar this happened to me and even though both Parents are dead my Mother on Her Deathbed was still causing me grief. My problems are still really going on my Siblings have tried to get me disinherited, and now seem to be trying not to pay out my very reduced share of Mothers estate. Solicitors are fighting to even get my share, my Sisters running away my Share. I would hate for someone to go through the situation I have been placed

my

What I wrote above was thoughts I have suffered over many years and I still wonder in what way I could have sorted the condition out. You asked a question, my reply was heartfelt. Sometimes the truth can hurt and like me and my condition that has now lasted for sixty years. You really have an itch that needs scratching and you have to deal with that problem before anything becomes a problem with your relationships

My problems were even broadcast at work, my Family knew all the Managers I worked under, my Parents would talk out against me and, my work would talk and tell what I was doing in Employment. I am disabled, I lost my Job under disability laws and never worked again, that was thirty years ago.

You need help to be able to move on here and if your family is becoming problematic towards you and your Soul mate is you need to find out if your relationships are still safe.

Personally I wish you well, it is difficult to give advice here on personal issues on site. Sometimes in life people need to be cruel to be kind, I would hope sorting out your problems become easier as you move though life.

Again sorry I have upset, However I do wonder how to confront a personal issue when we do not know the actors

Keep a hold

BOB

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Red_Ruby1981

Thank you for reaching back out to me to give further clarity. As I did feel like you were mocking me bc of the last paragraph you wrote. I did have to call my counselor bc I was very upset. However, since you have given me an in-depth view on what you were really trying to say. I feel that you didn’t mean any harm. As you can tell with all the comments, I have issues. I appreciate you giving me some background into your life. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles and I hope you can find a solution. I hope you have a great day! :)

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Tulip2019

Please put the gun far away. You’re life is too precious. Although it doesn’t seem like it, your loved ones do not want that for you. I can relate. It’s difficult and very unfair when you listen and others don’t. I did so much for others until I realized when I needed help no one was there. It was extremely frustrating. It felt like everyone had expectations of me but I wasn’t allowed to have any expectations. I didn’t help people to get something in return other than the good feeling it gave me. But it hurt when I did need help and I couldn’t rely on anyone. It takes a great deal of patience and understanding. Both of which I am working on. It’s hard for others to understand if they have not experienced it and I find it’s hard for those closest to you to be supportive. They will be your biggest critic (and fan at times) and many don’t know how to support a loved one with anxiety or depression mostly because they have a hard time seeing their loved one go thru something they are having a hard time understanding and they can’t just fix it for you. Don’t shut yourself off from others. I’ve done this and I have many regrets. Try to embrace the giving loving person you are and try to have patience with your loved ones and understand not everyone is like us and we can only control ourselves. I know it’s way easier said than done. My husband told me I obsess about something and it consumes me but he understands why I have been like this lately with having medication reactions. It’s a step. I agree with him and it’s hard for me to admit. I didn’t say much at first cuz the criticism stung probably because it was true. Lol. I’m sorry this is so long but I hope it helps and didn’t offend you. Just my experiences and opinion. I haven’t slept a wink and need to shower and get to work. I am sending hugs and know that you are loved. I wish you the best! Xoxo

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Red_Ruby1981

❤️ Thank you! It is so hard trying to explain things to people who have not experienced it. I am learning every day about who is for me and who doesn’t really care. Like you, I haven’t slept at all from my mind racing all night. I have to be up in a few hours for college so it’s going to be a long day! Also the gun is gone, I had my sister take it home with her that day because I knew at that point I couldn’t trust myself with it. It’s very scary when your mind overloads your reasoning and your depression takes ahold. I am under strict supervision for the next week and a half because of it. I hope you have a great day at work and hopefully you can squeeze in a nap at some point. :)

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Want2BHappy3

Saw your private message, people interpret things differently, some like you want to hear what you want to hear? Write and tell people on this site what we should say to appease You and maybe someone will? If we do that? Then we're being dishonest with You? It's not my intention to Not seem uncaring, your SO ANGRY that you don't get the message? Take care

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Red_Ruby1981

Well I am sorry that you think I was angry bc I wasn’t angry, I was disappointed and hurt. My point is I wanted support. If you can’t support me then what is the purpose of commenting? And I also find it so hilarious that instead of messaging me back you felt the need to respond on my post so everyone could know that I messaged you privately. If you like I can totally screenshot what I wrote and post here so everyone can see too. I’m already over my initial post, and your comments. I hope you have a wonderful week.

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Red_Ruby1981

Message between Red_Ruby1981 and Want2BHappy3

Me

From reading the things you have posted on here. I really expected so much more empathy from you. Seems to me like the only difference between us is our age. It seems like you know exactly how I feel yet you want me to just pretend everything is fine. My grandma was 69 years old and she was my world. She died of cancer and I was the main person who took care of her. She died May 19, 2019. She was the one person who I could talk to and could help me keep my mind straight. So you see there is a little more to my story than anyone might think. Also I know suicide is not the answer. I am Christian and I believe that if you commit suicide then you will go to hell. The problem is that my brain is so tied up in this depression not to mention my anxiety and bipolar that it starts to take a hold of me. I have so much going on that you or anyone else knows. That’s why my counselor suggested I reach out to this support platform. Because she thought it would be good for people who also struggle with the same thing to be able to help me. I hope you have a good night.

2 hours ago

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Spinner1916

Hi! I know how you feel. I’ve dealt with this my whole life too. Have you ever read Running on Empty by Dr Jonice Webb. I’ve found it immensely enlightening and helpful in figuring things out. It really helps with the invisible person feelings.

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Red_Ruby1981

Thank you for the suggestion! I am headed to the library now, I’ll see if I can get it ordered. :)

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Spinner1916

👍👍👍

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Hidden
Hidden

YUP. I 100% feel you there. It can feel like no matter how much you change, no matter what you say, it's always a problem for someone. I've always felt that 'you're annoying' vibe from others too and it can just destroy your day. I've never quite figured out what it is that I do because like you, I feel like I'm pretty reasonable when it comes to explaining myself. And yes...sadly, the result from this sort of treatment is silence on your end because you feel as though you're just going to make matters worse by speaking (again). It's very unfair when you take the time to listen, but they can't be bothered by you.

I just want to let you know, I am so sorry you feel this way. It breaks my heart to read this, yet I understand what you're dealing with. Something I like to remind myself (and you) is that you're dealing with a very debilitating illness. It would be no different than you having a broken leg or arm. It's an invisible ailment which can make people not always consider your feelings correctly. What I mean by that is sometimes the people we want to have understand us most (family, friends, significant others) may have no idea how to handle depression, anxiety, bi-polar, etc. They treat you how they treat everyone else thinking (perhaps unintentionally) that it's helping when in reality it's not.

You're not doing anything wrong. It's more that you need people in your life who can truly understand what you're suffering with. Folks who won't make you feel worse about yourself. And while you DO have people in your life who love you, they may not be the kind of support you need for this particular issue (and that's OK!). I'm currently dealing with the same exact problem and I can tell you from my experience, I feel like an undesirable person to be around. However, I know it's not true and with therapy, I'll find ways to get over this dark cloud.

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope this site gives you the support you need. I am always here to chat if you need it!

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All_alone
All_alone
in reply to Hidden

Well stated! 😊

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to All_alone

Thank you kindly!

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Red_Ruby1981
Red_Ruby1981
in reply to Hidden

Thank you! You totally explained it so much better than I could. I still have trouble expressing what I think in my head from always feeling the need to be silent. I appreciate you reaching out to me and if you ever need someone to chat with, please feel free to message me as well. ❤️

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Red_Ruby1981

That's quite alright! I think that's what makes sharing your thoughts here so helpful. There have been so many times I've felt the exact same way. Usually, when that happens, I just let them know it's spot on and that I understand (because there isn't much else to say at that point hehe). But I am so glad I could help you feel less alone. And thank you very much :)

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livingote

I totally understand. My anxiety has me over thinking everything, thus every detail runs though my brain and I see the importance in the details, which others don't feel matters as it's not their life. Accepting that no one wants or needs more than the 'bullet points' is a tough one for me. Learning that it's my anxiety feeding the overthinking which I want to 'talk out' is difficult. Most people I know don't overthink and fret about the details of anything. They have the pleasure of just winging it as things need to be done. Hell, just to make a meal I have to spend a half-hour thinking of it. Like nothing is automatic anymore. In your post being about pregnancy you might find a great support system in other women on the same path. I also have no one who cares to hear me out very often. My cousin is there for issues with my mother. A fb friend helps me with the damage from a Narcissist. I have a group where all we talk about is Cannabis (Hemp & Marijuana). I can only go in depth on my son's death in a group of grieving mothers. How I wish there was ONE person would take the time to listen to my various life issues and goals. But hey, imagine how many hours of their day would be all about me? I spend way to much time thinking about me.

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Red_Ruby1981

Thank you for your support, it means so much to me. It is really hard having bipolar, depression and anxiety all in one! I understand how you feel and I am so sorry about losing your son. I couldn’t imagine the pain and heartache you must feel. I understand the grief part bc I have lost people close to me all too soon. I use CBD for pain, if I wasn’t in pain management then I would use marijuana, but unfortunately my doctor doesn’t approve. You can always message me if you need someone to talk to. I hope you have a great day! ❤️

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All_alone
All_alone
in reply to livingote

I wish I was able to wing it and not be concerned about the details. A few people I'm keeping away from are very much like this and when they say I should do this or that, or why do you do..... they dont understand that I'm doing something that will affect my business 6 months from now. And also every single decision falls on me. I have tried to explain but it doesn't work. So I have chosen not to engage these individuals bc it goes back to I have limited energy. Details can be very important to us when making decisions regardless of topic especially regarding our health and for me finances included.

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StayPositive333

Red Ruby, if youcam, read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". It had helped me understand the goings on of the opposite sex! Men tend to hold themselves sheltered in caves (uncommunicative) where women like to vent, not necessarily looking for an answer but like to express their feelings. As you will be getting married i think it's a good read for both you and your fiance. I think you will both be enlightened. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just men feel they have to solve the problems and that is just not true...

I've learned to share my feelings mire with my sister's and friends.. a helpful eat may be all you need

Xx

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Red_Ruby1981

Thank you and I will definitely give the book a read!

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mjcll41

Also, if you have Netflix or something similar, look up comedian/marriage counselor, Mark Gungor. He explains it perfectly that women's brains are like plates of spaghetti where all the thoughts are connected to all the other thoughts. Men's thoughts are compartmentalized like a file cabinet, but we can't have more than one drawer open at any given time. Plus, we have a "nothing" drawer, allowing us to actually think about nothing.

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