I think the title says it all for me. We're constantly reminding everyone that 'they are not alone' when experiencing hardship. Its such a paradox! Why, because for some/many of us, we do feel excruciatingly lonely or alone, right? Remember the song, 'all the lonely people' by the Beatles, where are they?...its saddening to read how many of us are feeling this horrible pain and void everyday...you would think that the simple solution would be to unite and get together, forming friendships, thus eliminating the loneliness? But, we all know life is not like that..many of us don't live within close proximity making it impossible, so we go on to live the torment of loneliness or feeling all alone. Is this really a choice like everything else were told is? Or, is it a flaw in our character? Is it because of mental illness? Is it a mid-life crisis? For me personally, the older I've gotten, the harder it has become to meet others, and hopefully form lasting friendships.. Loneliness has become an epidemic, and can have real dire consequences on both mental and physical health. Just 'google it' right? Whether this increase is due to technology, an aging population, or finding yourself having no family or friends, experts are now saying the constant ache of this dreaded feeling, emotion, can create a long term negative impact. Great, more to worry about. Not sure where I'm going with it all, but wanted to share, and welcome any feedback, especially for anyone who can relate. Its a long weekend here, sometimes that intensifies loneliness for me, can anyone identify with that? Thanks for reading everyone & anyone. For those with faith, God bless.🙏
tired of hearing 'your not alone' - Anxiety and Depre...
tired of hearing 'your not alone'
Hi, totally get what you are saying. I do think however, being lonely and being alone aren't the same thing. I am on my own literally, but after years of it, I rarely feel lonely. When I was in a dreadful long-term relationship that emotionally starved me ... I felt incredibly lonely.
So, what to do? Loneliness is like being lost, incredible feelings of isolation and despair. I genuinely believe that being physically on our own doesn't necessarily mean that loneliness has to follow.
I am alone, you are alone. It doesn't make sense to call it something else or tell each other that we aren't, I agree.
When we say to one another 'you aren't alone' I think it is just a way of trying to reach out and offer comfort. But, I totally understand your analysis.
So, what are you going to do about it? You are intelligent, a little bit out there! Lol.
Hi Hollick,
You’ve definitely made me think.
I agree with you on a lot of what you have said. I’m not 100% sure what I think.
I do sometimes get frustrated with “You’re not alone” when it feels ‘empty’ - friends who say it because they feel it’s the ‘right’ thing to say. I also agree that there are plenty of people, young and old, who feel lonely. It is sad.
Equally, I think there are plenty of people who say it and mean it. I know I’m guilty of having said it. With my friends and family, I mean it literally. I would never knowingly allow them to be alone, physically or emotionally.
I think I sometimes use it on here too, maybe, I’m not sure - I feel I probably have done. In that sense, I mean it more that there are always people here, myself included, to listen.
A lot of society has become ‘digital’ - it probably does stop us having as many ‘real life’ conversations. I think there are definitely positives and negatives to it. I’ve connected with lots of people experiencing similar things to me on these forums who I’d have never met in ‘real life’. I think I’m unlikely to make many more ‘real’ friendships in my life - forming new friendships in adulthood is tough.
It’s certainly an interesting thought.
I think perhaps no one has to be alone - there is always someone who will support anyone in a difficult time. Whether that thought and support alleviates actual loneliness is a different matter.
Eleanor
Many will NOT admit to loneliness, like depression, there's a stigma.
Ohh my, I can so relate.. I truly am physically alone in a fairly new small town.. lost my 3rd job in 4 months..due to my depression & anxiety..don’t know how I’m going to survive🙏🏻..I hear that so often too, “ you’re not alone” but my life is so removed from everything & everyone I know.. my new apartment is so strange & I try but I can’t relax in it..I truly don’t know what I’d do without my lil dog..who I’ve had for 14 years..I’m forcing myself to eat..so she’ll eat..I try to hide how I’m feeling from her..but she’s know my lil girl can sense it. I won’t say, “ You’re not alone” because I know how you truly feel..and I’m sorry 😢
Thank you, I'm sorry as well, also have a little dog, 11 years, she's my world..
Unfortunately as much as I love dogs, they don't replace human contact, although it is God spelled backwards..lol..and if more ppl were like dogs, the world would be a better place. Here's to our little girls..I hope you find some solace in your new place, good luck, and God bless us and our little furry friends.🐶 Bye.
Dogs are my therapy!
Hi, I totally understand. I cant take this loneliness !! But whenever I try to make a friend I end up devistated and hurt by them. Why is it so hard to find someone with something in common to do and talk with? Everyone seems to like to use me for 1 thing or another, they bring trouble into my life and set off my anxiety. It was not like this at all when I was younger, things use to roll off me, but now its loke knives in my heart when others use me or disrespect me.
I'm sorry that this has happened to you. At an older age, I find it difficult to make new friends. But I believe that it is my own fault. I go to this one meet-up a few times, and there are a few women there my age. And I am a pleasant person to talk to, and so are they. If I really wanted to kick it up, I could try to stay in touch with them, ( outside of meet-ups), but it just doesn't feel right. When I was a kid, I had my best friends on my block, and my best friends in school. ( Some of them had remained friends as we got much older,)but now none of them communicate with me, either me breaking it, or they breaking it. So what am I trying to say? When we were kids, we had a real BOND with our friends, either being from the same block and seeing each other every day, or in school. Now it's just like-ok-do I want to try to remain friends with this person? She is basically a stranger. And for ME, I am picky about who I am friends with. Am I making ANY SENSE when I say that the "connection" is just not there, with a new person, and I really don't have it in me to pursue it??
I have my husband of 41 yr and a best friend of 35 yr. If they were no longer around, I probably would be a recluse with my dogs, lol. I dont think I would have it in me either to pursue and build new relationships.
I think that you are fortunate to have both! 😊 I do have one daughter, who I usually see at least once a week or every 2 weeks. She has a very busy schedule with her work and her friends.She goes away a lot for the weekend, now that it's summer.
Thankyou, yes I feel very blessed. I joke with my hubby about I hope I die first so I wont b alone. Kind of selfish and morbid I guess, lol. Im 66 and he is almost 70, hoping we have time before anything happens.
Seriously this pisses me off the most. I'd be much happier being alone!
Well cause it True,. People are in themselves that they don't realize it. Saying that your Not Alone can wake them up and then they can move on?
Hi Hollick. You have surely described the way I've been feeling more and more of lately. I feel the same way too when you mentioned something more to worry about. I read the postings on it too about it being negative for your health. I live alone in my house.
I think being lonely is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Im a retired nurse. It has been almost 2 years and I know that if( or when) I can reach out to others, especially those less fortunate than me, my lonliness and depression improves. Sadly, the depression keeps me from doing things that would lift my spirits. Hoping my therapist I meet in 2 weeks can help. The lonely are often not alone but we still feel alone.
"You are not alone" to me is reading posts reflective of my own experience in "aloneness." It reminds me that I am not the only person struggling. I am not in a happy place in this situation but it doesn't make me a stand out crazy person when others have this experience. There are real contributing factors which got me here (anxiety, depression, ptsd). Thank goodness I also have a dog. And thankfully I read here; look for ideas; and feel less of the stigma. I wish things were otherwise but they aren't yet.
Hi. I totally understand where you are coming from. I’ve never been one to have loads of friendships but thought I had a few meaningful ones until I was coming to grips with my depression. I thought it didn’t bother me that people had left but I think it’s something I don’t want to admit to. I think it is harder as we get older to make new friendships.
Since going back to work after time off for my depression I only work three days and it is only really then days that I speak to more than one person. On my days off the only people I see are my mum, dad and sister occasionally. I’m glad of their company but I often think it’d be nice to have atleast one other person to talk to and do stuff with as friends.
I also have a dog which means I get out to walk her but that’s for a few hours a day and like you say they don’t replace the contact with humans.
Take care guys 😊
thank you for your comments alice, you too bring up good points..my aunt and uncle live nearby, I love and respect their companionship, just for the beautiful ppl they are, but their also really getting up in years, in their early and mid nineties...like you say I wish too, that I had another person close by, closer to my age to talk and do things with..I never in all the years I've been walking with my dog really met anyone that I could have a friendship with, really wished I could have as I always looked at that as an opportunity, you always read about it? that's truly when you do appreciate your pets, look at them and tell them how lucky you are to have them, because at that moment in time, you truly feel vulnerable, alone/lonely, and there is a difference, but I think depending on the scenario, you can feel both at the same time...😥
Hi Alice and Hollick and everybody else, have you thought of volunteering, you meet all sorts of people and you might just click with someone you meet. I have friends, 2 very good ones, but sometimes I still ask myself why they like me/put up with me. I also have a feline fur baby and sometimes I feel like my feelings for her are stronger than my feelings for my partner who is the sweetest kindest and sometimes laziest guy around, go figure? I go to work, it makes me a valuable member of society, whether I like it or not, and then I come home to an empty house, apart from the cat, and ask myself why I'm doing it, why don't I just bury myself somewhere as I am worthless etc. Well I am not really worthless, I help other people in my job and outside of work, I just have to keep that in mind and that a few people would miss me very much if I was gone. I try to be positive, not worry about the state of the house and/or my finances, I've survived this long,; I am trying to look forward to actually doing what I want to do when I retire in about 9 years time, whether that be volunteering in a charity, run a cattery or continue in paid work, only time will tell on that one
Our lives have become so complicated with all the ongoing new technology. The brain has a lot of work to do to catch up. The brain disorder is a real challenge.
We have to be on the alert to new ideas. That means the ideas we haven't tried for ourselves. Individual difference do count.
What can you do that you haven't tried before or it's been so long that you forgot that tool was available.
My immediate go to place is tapping and breathing.
Wow! I can relate.
We have to find ways to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.
Every morning I express gratitude for something "I am grateful for ----"
Before going to bed I give gratitude for at least one good thing from the day.
Any simple expression of positivity is better than none at all.
Let's keep changing our methods of living to find better solutions.
What are you changing?
thanks marheart, for your insight!
Your posting is so right on for me. I'm starting a positivity campaign. Override the useless negative input with positive expressions.
Wake up, say "I'm grateful for ----"
Go to bed by ending the day with "I'm grateful for ---" Pick at least one thing from the day that you were able to accomplish. Could be responding to these posts in a positive manner, completing a load of laundry, making an uncomfortable phone call to a Dr., etc.
Thank you for sharing this. I can totally relate.
I’ve replied “you’re not alone” to others here when they express something that I can genuinely relate to. One of the reasons why I love the support that I find here is because I find comfort in being reminded that I’m not alone, especially when I’m feeling misunderstood, rejected or isolated.
That said, in real life I often don’t like it when people tell me “you’re not alone”. It usually happens when I’m spilling my guts to them about something. They say “you’re not alone” with good intentions but in my head I think “well, you say that but what if I called you at 3am in the morning for the next week because my anxiety is jacked again and I’m panicking? Would you be there for me then? Would you be willing to demonstrate “you’re not alone” instead of just saying it? Would you call me regularly if I asked you to?”
Again, thank you for sharing this very thoughtful topic. 🙏
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