Severe depression / not taking the meds

[blimpsgo180]

I want to say I took meds for 11 years and I stopped taking meds about 2 and a half months ago. It's something I was hinting at doing for a while. I would tell people "I don't want to take meds for the rest of my life," or "I don't think meds are necessary for the rest of my life," but two and a half months ago, I pulled the plug.

I'm spiraling into a deep depression. I keep thinking about the past, and thinking about how, due to circumstances that were outside of my control, my life has not gone the way I wanted. Only recently, my girlfriend broke up with me so she could date another man. I'm 35 and I live alone. I have very little contact with other people aside from my parents. I'm very lonely.

I tell my parents I'm lonely, and they say "Why don't you join a club?" I'm a member of two clubs, and they never meet, because people have jobs / spouses / children. I collect a disability check. I'm trying to have a part-time job, which I'm allowed to do on disability, but I'm having a hard time landing an interview, let alone getting hired. Fact is, if I'm awake for 16 hours, 90% of that time, I'm all alone in my apartment, with no one to talk to, hang out with, make love to, go out to lunch with, or anything. SSDI is a good idea to get people income until they *can* work again, but I'm too depressed to even walk out the front door for an interview.

I'm not going to take meds again. That's NOT an option. But I think without the meds, the chemicals in my brain are out of whack, and it will be a while before things get better more naturally. I am not suicidal, FYI.

[Hidden]

Hi. First off, I'm glad you're not suicidal. Secondly, while I hear you about not wanting to take your medicines, the thing is that they do make you feel better. It's your decision, though.

When we're alone is when the brain goes haywire with all sorts of thoughts. One of the things it's really good at is criticizing us for things not in our control. It's also really good at focusing on everything but the here and now. The ironic thing about this is that the here and now is the only thing we can control. The past is the past and the future hasn't happened yet.

[Blueruth]

stopping meds too quickly actually causes depression. This is well documented. When I stopped an SSRI I tapered off over more than a month…longer than my doctor told me I needed to because I was paying attention to my mood. I would reduce in very small amounts. That is probably why you are sinking. It isn’t because your chemistry was born wrong

Going back and titrating slowly is one option. If you are really resistant to that and I can only speak of my experience, you can try modifying your diet according to evidence based recommendations. Whole 30 is a good short term option. WFPB is a good long term option. Raw beets which you can combine with apples to make it tasty is good for your gut. The theory is seratonin is stored in your gut aka second brain. Raw foods help clear the excess. Gluten and refined sugar are documented to affect your mood so eliminate them completely. You have to go slowly with sugar though.

Taking care of your physical body and mind will help you through this period. In addition to food exercise and mindfulness. I’m not an advocate for life long medication if there is a known way out which there is for depression. But the caveat is you might still have life long depressive episodes so you need to find a way to work through them. It is hard work. Think of it like being a life learner. I know from experience that what the issue was 10 years ago is not the same as a year ago.

Last comment… learn to love yourself. Everyone ultimately dies alone so either you learn or you die lonely because there is no other option. Depending on others for your happiness is always going to lead to disappointment.

[blimpsgo180 in reply to Blueruth]

Thank you for mentioning WFPB. I've actually been vegan for eight years, and been WFPB for six months. I feel a lot sharper mentally eating this way, and have lost a good ten to fifteen pounds since going WFPB.

[Blueruth in reply to blimpsgo180]

I would look at how many cleansing foods you eat to support what you are going through. Raw beet with apple in a smoothie is a good choice for example. Sounds like you are clear on choice and balance. You can still try titration as it is temporary.

[blimpsgo180]

Thank you snowdayze. This is kind of how I feel too. I will get better in time. I honestly felt so awful on the meds, and feel so much better without them. Feeling so much better makes it hard to even want to taper, like the other posters are suggesting.

[hypercat54]

Meds can be very useful in helping you to feel a bit better so you can concentrate on sorting your issues out. This often involves therapy too so are you doing any?

[blimpsgo180 in reply to hypercat54]

I have an appointment this Saturday with someone new. I used to see someone who charged me out of pocket, but this new appointment is covered by insurance.

[Sunshine2424]

Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am sorry that you experience loneliness, as humans we need interaction, any interaction. You are though doing something beneficial for yourself, which is joining this online community. It is a step to feel more connect with others, so thank you for sharing.

In regards to medication, I hope that through professional advising you will start to find what works bet for you. Keep taking it step by step, look for the small achievements that will add up to bigger ones. I believe that you are capable of doing what is best for you. You seem like a smart, caring, and kind person.

[BrahmNm]

you shouldn't think of medicine as you think. Getting some quality or relief to life is important. Whether with or without medicine. But medicine do give some push may be little to life get function which could enable you to stand up and face life in someway.so my suggestion you should continue medicine unless you able to run up well

[designguy]

There is nothing wrong with taking meds if your body needs them and obviously not taking meds is not working too well for you. At the very least if you quit a med you should make sure you are in a prolonged healthy mental state and then do a very slow taper to give your mind and body time to adjust. You may also supplement with natural medicines to ease the transition and support. If the quality of your life is better on meds and you aren't having harmful side affects why stop them.

[redmama2]

Would you tell someone who needs glasses to go without glasses because they shouldn't be dependent on them their whole lives? Some brains aren't able to regulate neurotransmitters as well as they should and need a little help. Nothing wrong with that. Therapy can help otherwise.