Newbie here

Hoping to eengage with others here. I am a baby boomer who was first diagnosed with social anxiety in 2005 and prescribed Alprazolam. Still on it and it still works. Depression is something I've kept suppressed for probably 40 plus years. I only last month revealed to my new primary I wanted to die. But convinced I wouldn't succeed at it. She prescribed Bupropion and I think it's helping. But we didn't really discuss it. I think she knew after 3 years but she never brought it up. I wonder why. She knew maybe but didn't think it was that bad? Tried therapy when I went on Alprazolam and never again. ThoughtThoughts?