New and need help/support

[bfarraye]

Hi all

The last few days have been some of the worst of my life. I've struggled with anxiety, depression, panic attacks, depersonalization and derealization for some time now but this has been exceptionally bad. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I feel like I am in a dream like state. I'm questioning all of reality around me.

I'm forgetting what I did a few minutes ago and all of "the past" is just hazy in my mind. I can't stop ruminating on existential thoughts - who am I, why are we here, what is life. I feel like I'm losing my mind, like I'm forgetting more and more about what it's like to live. Almost like I'm digressing with my mental capacity, going back to a child like state.

Nothing feels real to me and its throwing me into repeated panic attacks.

I'm so scared of this and I don't know how to break it. I don't know where to turn or what to do. I'm absolutely horrified of dying but I don't know that I can live like this much longer

Please help.

[Cjonesabq]

hello bfarraye, I am sorry you are suffering at this moment. i have experienced similar feelings of depersonalization and unreality. I try to just be in the moment with my feelings and allow them to pass. I remind myself that they are simply feelings and will not make me go crazy or insane. I just allow them to be there.

[Cjonesabq in reply to Cjonesabq]

all will be OK

[bfarraye in reply to Cjonesabq]

Thanks. But it's so hard to feel that when I'm going through all of this.

[Cjonesabq in reply to bfarraye]

You are right, it is hard and you are worth the effort. I first suffered with panic attacks at the age of 13 and feelings of unreality which were terribly scary and I felt certain that I was unique and would go crazy. I knew no one could understand and I felt so alone.

in my 20s I read a book written by Claire Weekes "Hope and Help for your Nerves" and it was the first time that I felt understood and thought "I am not alone" . this is best book I have read on anxiety and I was comforted to have put to words the cycle of anxiety and feelings of unreality.

for many years my anxiety was controlled and the panic attacks subsided until about 6 mos ago when my now adult family relocated to another state. the stress of the move and loneliness in a new place has brought back anxiety and panic attacks. Again, I have pulled out my Claire Weekes book and am finding the reassurance and knowledge that I have within me, the tools to accept and float through the panic.

I share all this because I find the my own anxiety is relieved when I can step outside myself and try to help others.

[Hidden]

Completely understand how you feel.

[Kobojunkie]

so what are you waiting for? Run to the nearest hospital for help please cause that is the best place for you to go get real help for your situation.

[Ddorne]

Bfarraye, I am sorry you are going through this. Do you have a therapist? Are you on meds? I remember when I was a teenager having depersonalizations. I would doubt if I were dreaming for periods of time. I don't have these feelings now. I think they are a form of depression. I have OCD which is called the doubting disease. I question myself and have scary intrusive thoughts. Have you talked to a psychiatrist about this? This is treatable. If you fear hurting your self you need to talk to someone. There are numbers on this site for suicide hotlines. I wish you well.

God bless you

LD