I need opinions asap

[ShinaJazelle]

okay so this is going to be a decently long thread.. my apologies in advance

This past year has been absolute “heck” I’ll try and be nice with my language…

Around early July. I was starting to be sexually harrassed by my step father. Or to be more precise my brothers step dad.

he took me in at the start as a family which at first I was very happy for and I thought I could be happy. Unfortunately things took turn.

he started off with small comments that had me feeling off. I kind of told my partner who was also feeling off about it but I decided to shrug it off as I’m a overthinker and overthink alot of things. Well i should’ve trusted me self I’ll tell you that.

after a short few weeks of him making off comments he started more so turning into conversations . For example he works at the same job as I do. And so I would go to him for work related things. And he’d change the subject to innaproppriate topics which I just kept trying to avoid. I know at this time I should’ve told him off or even mention it to someone but I stayed quiet.

Before I continue going with this . Please understand . I did not will not and WILL NEVER like this ever. I hate it. I never once enjoyed any of this.

anyways…

After a month of dealing with conversation..

Then came in the sexual physical things.

he did not rape me which I’m very happy about. But he did touch me in places I did not like and it still makes me comfortable today..

now I have to be honest so that I can get the feedback that’s proper and not make myself. Look all angelic..

I have no doctor, I have little to no patience when it comes to health issues and he was like a dad to me (at first) so I’d go to both him and my step mom about health issues which involved my 🐱.

On that end I was wrong I’ll admit it.

but I never once asked to be touched there.

and during then he saw how uncomfortable I looked and even said “I know you didn’t like it but I’m only trying to protect you” when I can clearly do it myself when I’m home. (This was during our work)

here is now my problem. I give people who don’t deserve it chances. I’m just that kind of person where I’m trying to learn not to. I kept going back to him after these things happen. I’d take a few days of avoiding him but then go back not at all because I enjoyed the attention of sexual things. Not one bit. But because he was a step dad to my brother and he was apart of my job and I just wanted to ignore it all and act like nothing happened.

a few months later.. I finally spoke up to HR and my step mom.

he is getting into trouble yet still has his job.

and I’m in trouble for holding it in for months.

Now before I end this off.

My exact feelings why I didn’t come forward sooner is I did not feel mentally prepared to., I had many worried thoughts as well as I knew I’d ruin a family who took me in when my bio parents aren’t here for me anymore.

I felt embarrassed angry and I held it bottled up. That is why I never came clean until this week where it’s been the hardest week of my life.. anyways that’s it

[ShinaJazelle]

I forgot to mention a few things.

1: about the whole uncomfortable I can do it myself part. He was applying a rash cream to my cat area. I was in the FFF moment all frozen up in fear.

2: when I opened up to my HR and step mom. I had 1 thing I fully regret but did under reasons I was starting to feel crazy. I screenshotted some proof but deleted our conversations . Not in intention to hiding anything. But I did not like seeing his name on my phone.

3: I was dumb to keep going back to him expecting a change which was never going to happen and unfortunately had to realize that now.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to ShinaJazelle]

Your #3 hit me hard. You were not "dumb" to keep going back, hoping for better. Childhood emotional neglect and abuse has a lifelong effect. Trauma has a lot to do with both of our actions. Please forgive yourself. I'm doing my best with that too.

[ShinaJazelle in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I know, my sibling is very mad at me and my parents telling me I was wrong. All throughout my choices were anger and fear. Not once did I know how to handle it on my own yet I couldn’t come clean as I wasn’t mentally ready to

[Nothing_but_books in reply to ShinaJazelle]

I hear you. We're none of us perfect. Expecting perfection from yourself is crazy-making. We learn as we go.

You have no obligation to anyone to "come clean." When it's good for you is when it's time.

💜💜🦜

[bethelbee]

First of all you were brave for finally reporting him. Not an easy thing to do. Even though you deleted proof of what he did, document it did somewhere else, keep it in a journal. He was not protecting you at all but using you for his own pleasure and that was wrong. Has his abuse stopped?? If not, keep reporting it and report it to authorities if need be. Tell him you will not tolerate it. And only go to your mom(stepmom?) about private issues. Try to stay away from him at your job. If you have to, find another job. He should be fired for what he did. Do you have a therapist or someone you can speak to about it? I was 7 when I was molested by my oldest brother. It 'only' happened a couple times but I repressed it for years(was originally told not to talk about it) and it affected my whole life later on. I am presently in my late 60's and dealt with depression and anxiety my entire adult life. Please seek counseling if you are able. Remember, you have done nothing wrong.... Take care. Keep me posted if you want to.

[ShinaJazelle in reply to bethelbee]

Unfortunately when I reported what he did to HR they decided the most they will do is ban him from the dealership I work at which is right across from his.

He lost his partner (my step mom) but that’s the worst of it .

Thank you for your help and your words though these past two weeks have honestly not been easy