I need advice, asap

[easiertalkingonline]

Hi.

I don’t know what to do, and I’m scared that if I don’t find help soon, I’m actually going to go insane overthinking this entire situation. My family doesn’t seem like they’re listening to what I’m saying, so I’m hoping that someone on here will.

So, I’m the maid of honor in my cousin’s upcoming wedding next month. This wasn’t something I necessarily agreed to, but was basically decided for me at a VERY young age because of the bond that my cousin and I shared. Now that the time to actually be maid of honor is right around the corner, this role is no longer as fun as 8 year old me thought it would be, and is taking a toll on me now that I’m older and understand the responsibilities that come with it.

Mainly, the bridal party dance is what’s freaking me out.

Just THINKING about it gives me severe anxiety. Typing this now, my chest is so tight that I can’t take in a deep breath. I cannot handle even the idea of slow dancing with a stranger, regardless of whether or not the dance only lasts a minute or two, and no one seems to understand that.

I know I sound HORRIBLE for this, like a selfish brat throwing a fit over such a small detail and taking attention away from my cousin on her big day, but the thing is, I really can’t do this. I’m so scared. This will be my first time ever slow dancing with someone, and it will be wasted on a guy I hardly even know - not at all like I ever pictured in my head. But that’s not even the thing that’s upsetting me so much.

On top of that, I immediately start to tear up the second anyone touches my waist, because of the fact that I used to be overweight and still am currently hanging on to a lot of those insecurities from back then. When we’re doing this dance, when he touches my waist, I’m going to panic, and I know it.

I don’t want to ruin her night by being so selfish over a dance, but I also don’t want to ruin my fun by dealing with an anxiety attack for the rest of the night - but whenever I tell people this, my side of the story is not even considered, since this event is all about my cousin as it very well should be. However, I don’t feel like my mental health should be shoved aside.

Right now, my only options are to “let it go, suck it up, and deal with it” (which, as I guess my family doesn’t know, is a lot easier said than done), or to drop out of the party, which I really truly don’t want to do. I’m just so anxious over this dance, and I really don’t understand what it would matter if the best man and I sat it out, especially knowing that he doesn’t want to do this any more than me.

Another problem about the same situation: tomorrow I’m going to be talking to my cousin about her bachelorette party, and while on that call, I’m going to talk to her about this and see if maybe she’ll be willing to let me sit it out after all, despite the rest of my family telling me otherwise. The thing is, I’m not sure how to bring it up. Everyone else is already so upset with and disappointed in me because I can’t do this simple, normal task, and I don’t want her to be that way too.

What should I do? How do I talk to her about this? How do I help my family understand that I’m not upset just because I don’t WANT to do this dance, but because I CAN’T do this dance? Please help me out here. My anxiety is driving me crazy over this situation.

Thanks in advance.

[hypercat54]

You don't have to do anything you don't want to or feel uncomfortable with, so just tell your cousin how you feel. You haven't got to make a big drama out of it or anything so why not tell her you are definitely going to be at the wedding but would rather not be her maid of honour. If she is any sort of a friend as well she will understand. She is probably worrying herself silly about the wedding too. x

[gerg]

If you break this problem down into facts and emotions, the facts will show that you can do this dance but your emotions are saying that you don’t want to do the dance. There is absolutely nothing physical that is preventing you from dancing.

If we agree to this point, then we can try to address the real problem. Fear is a powerful emotion. It gets more powerful every time that we give into it. Most of the time fear is based in ignorance, the state of not knowing something. To remove the ignorance we need to investigate and learn. This will always take effort and will.

If you decide that you would like to do this dance there is a path to do it. You are far from the first person that has felt as you do, and many have worked past their fear.

I would start by eliminating the irrational thoughts of “I can’t” and find a new rational belief of “I would like to” or “I choose to”. Then start the education process. Watch videos, take lessons, and ask for help. Be honest and open about your fear. This is a awesome chance to make change in your life, by changing your perspective on your true ability. I think that you will be wonderful as a bridesmaid, and that it will be an important part of your life.

[PuppyReader]

Hi Easiertalkingonline. I am currently planning my wedding and we aren’t doing a dance like that (I honestly didn’t know it was a thing) so it’s not something everyone does. I would never make my bridesmaids do something they don’t want to so I would strongly suggest to talk to your cousin. If you are as close as you were when you were little she should understand if you say something like: you know I am dealing with some mental health stuff and this dance would cause so many issues. Is there anyway I could sit out or do something else?

Good luck!

[Hidden]

First, you are normal. Weddings, any occasions that draw attention to us, anyone. It is nerve racking. I bet your cousin, who is getting married is a wreck. I bet her dad is freaking out. Father daughter wedding dance, walking down the aisle. Best man's toast, thankfully maid of honor doesn't have to do that, eek. Everyone is on stage at the wedding. So remember, everyone there including the guests are freaking out. We have to doll up, wear clothes we don't wear everyday. You are normal, you're a bundle of nerves, everyone there will be. Once the wedding starts, everyone including you, will forget everything and just be staring at the bride and groom. You and everyone else will just be white noise. Some people take something to calm their nerves, have a drink, one drink and of course be of legal age. Don't get drunk, that is a whole other story. My daughter has a form of autism spectrum. She is high functioning however she has a thing about being touched. We don't hug, hold, shake hands. We do knuckles, it's cute and people are much more educated, evolved these days. People are becoming more aware, understanding that we are individuals, unique beings. If you are not diagnosed and probably to late for doctors tests etc prior to wedding day. You will probably have to do the dance. Maybe a dance, a practice dance, just to get out it out of your system. Your first dance, very sweet however maybe your dad, a practice dance. Some of your friends. My first dance was with my mom, sister in law. Guys really don't like to dance, lol. I think I finally danced with a guy when I went to the dance club and everyone was drinking lol. Now go have fun, everyone especially your cousin, the bride and groom are going to be a nervous wreck and everyone will be focused on them. You and everyone else will just be in the background, white noise. It will be fun

[Ragdoll15]

What is the worst thing that can happen to you? Im sure you can overcome them, they are only feelings they cannot hurt. If you give in to them they will always be with you and become stronger. The only way to overcome these feelings is to face them and confront them. You could always try telling the best man how you feel while dancing, he might help you. Who knows. He might be suffering anxiety as well. Good luck.