They’re back.

[Aguila1794]

I haven’t had serious suicidal thoughts in over 6 months until a couple of weeks ago. It’s so intense like someone’s telling me to do it. I’m not hearing voices. I can’t even go to a therapist or my psychiatrist and spill it in fear they’ll send me to another mental hospital that won’t do anything. I’ve had my share of those. No one on here can change my mind, but I do welcome feedback.

[Rufus07]

im so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts are with you and I hope that “voice” goes away.

[Aguila1794 in reply to Rufus07]

Thank you. What makes it worse is I’m gay, but because I’m a Christian I can never be in a relationship or hell not even a simple kiss.

[Rufus07 in reply to Aguila1794]

It’s sad that people can’t accept others just because they aren’t the same as them. Do YOU feel because of your Christiananity you will never have a relationship or is it others telling you that? Sorry if this is too personal.

[Aguila1794 in reply to Rufus07]

You’re ok. It’s more me thinking that. Most people outside my family and church group are fine with it or don’t care. It’s just not easy to say the least to see so many people like me in relationships knowing I’ll never be happy with someone. If I’m bringing you down I sincerely apologize.

[Rufus07]

you are not bringing me down at all. I just feel really bad for you. It’s just sad that people can’t just accept us for who we are. It’s none of their business what are preferences are

[Aguila1794 in reply to Rufus07]

You read my mind with those last two sentences. I’ve been trying hard to do like some other people online have told me to embrace being gay. Living in the southern states of America it’s not that easy or safe. What do you think that really means to embrace it?

[Rufus07 in reply to Aguila1794]

To me it means accept

[Aguila1794 in reply to Rufus07]

Maybe the answer isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Thanks a lot and may peace be with you.

[Rufus07 in reply to Aguila1794]

May peace be with you too🙂. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

[Zerol]

Im in the same boat as you. But whats amazing about the reality of life is that you can choose how you react and what perspectives you hold. Whats helped me is that realizing that “this too shall pass”. In your post you said that you hadn’t had these thoughts for over 6 months. If they went away once they can go away again!

[Aguila1794 in reply to Zerol]

That’s a very good point, thank you.

[Mountainlover57]

I'm just reading your post. I wanted to let you know that I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I know the helpless feeling very well. I've been experiencing depression off and on the last 20 years . Just remember that it's a passing emotion but it's important to seek help anyway. I've had these thoughts but I have not been serious enough to make plans or carry it out. For me it was an emotion of hopelessness. I'm still going through therapy but I just told them when they asked me if I am having suicidal thoughts, that it's just a hopeless feeling. I hope you do seek help because it sounds like you really need it. I've had lots of friends that were gay and that should not hold you back from going to the right church. I do believe that part of the problem is your location, living in the southern parts. Have you thought about moving to an area that would help you feel a lot more accepted? I think the feeling of being judged and shamed is something that I completely understand. I live in Oregon and it would not be a problem here.

[casablancalover14]

I am sorry to hear that you are having these terrible thoughts again. I think that trying to get your family to accept that you are gay, is what is causing these thoughts to come out as suicide . I hope they will accept you as the beautiful person you are, so you can live a wonderful life.😍😍

[blimpsgo180]

Have you tried eating less meat, and eating more fruits and vegetables? I know it sounds wild, but double-blind placebo controlled trials show vegetarians and vegans have less depression and anxiety than the rest of the population.

I hope you stop having these thoughts and see how nice life can be.

[bxgirlmom]

I’m so sorry you are going through this; even more so because you can’t live the life the way you want. You are loved, appreciated, and I hope this passes. Take it day by day, hour by hour if you need to. xo