She's going back home today,.....heartbroken

I deleted my post yesterday about my spouse's decision to leave me after 3 years of living with me. When she moved in she knew I had serious health disabilities and she knew the situation was never going to be easy on the pair of us by her having her own health issues either. listening to quite a few responses I took it upon myself to talk to her face to face calmly giving respect and understanding and told her how important she was to me as a companion but a true friendship also had blossomed between us over this time. I expressed to her in tears how mum must have felt with me looking after her in the latter stages of her life also feeling so vulnerable knowing she had to place every bit of trust in me to take care of her needs. both mum and dad were very proud of me knowing I had given them both peace of mind and allowed them both dignity to die knowing they were in very safe hands. I have no one to turn towards, no friends nor family network and my partner knew this. Taking the advice you gave me I sat down with her and laid my heart on the line. told her not only we had become good friends but we but great companions despite their being nothing sexual for a long time now due to her menopausal state and health issues.

She told me she had already pre-arranged a man with a van to pick her up next weekend and move her things out, now as I told many of you she has not got anything here, a couple of draws of clothes and half a wardrobe and boxes of well-packed things in the loft and that is basically it for her. I burst out crying saying why wait until then putting me through hell and torment for another week, why not just remove yourself now and stop putting me and my 2 dogs through this pain and rejection so she has now texted her daughter to come and pick her up and she is leaving today.

I honestly can't tell how I feel, I spoke to her in the room asking her for one last cuddle and we both cried. she told me she has given up far too many things in her life to move here, like going to the opera, the cinema, various trips out with her daughter and mum. She told me this is her biggest regret. you can see it in her that in many ways her going back home is a monumental relief for her even though we have come this far, living and surviving through covid she feels it has come to a head and she can no longer ignore the fact she has been miserable for too long.

As I cried and told her the frightening position it has left me in trying to cope and build a solo life back again and taking full charge of my circumstances is a daunting one. There will be benefits to correct, council tax and sever all her parts of living allowances to consider. she has assured me there will be no malice and she will do her part to recorrect all that needs to but this you understand relies on faith and trust after she is gone.

I am hurt beyond words and wished her all the very best, told her I was glad to have bumped into her and thanked her for being part of my life and then we cried and cuddled.

her daughter is well on the way now and I am in the bedroom staying out of her way while she is on the mobile ringing around as I can't stand to see or hear her do this, it feels like she is mortally wounding me by talking to these people. I have said to her, her things will be safe here and of course, at a better, more appropriate time to come with a van and collect the rest of her belongings all at 1 go with as little fuss as possible.

She is also taking her cat Tabby, with who I have built up a relationship with and that hurts like hell also as she has never considered the sheer upset for the animals re-rooting to another location. it's sheer madness. someone said you have to learn to love yourself first before others, let me just say even as a little child I wanted to be like someone else, I have never loved myself that much and never will so please do not message me saying to do this as it just feels like another go at me and a stab in the back, it does not help me or the situation.

[Hb2003]

In so sorry 😞 lots of support

[Hidden in reply to Hb2003]

thank you for your message and concerns. appreciated....In so many ways it's best to face the truth and get on with life, I let her pack the van quietly and without a bad word which her daughter brought up. I kissed her and cuddled her and wished her well on her way and told her to be brave and look at all the positive good times we shared together, not to show and speak malice and move on. I blew her a kiss and watched the huge van drive away slowly, I did my crying to my neighbours behind closed doors over a glass of wine. to me, people can be bitter, fight over the slightest thing but if you love someone truly you will also be able to let go and release their hand to say goodbye, despite me hurting inside. I hold no regrets about meeting her, once the dust settles I hope we can both meet up on a local beach together and walk my 2 dogs, I feel given what the World has just gone through with this Covid these are extreme extraordinary times with people not seeing their families and loved ones for 15 months or more, it must have broken thousands of relationships around the World. yes! I am hurting like hell badly thinking about what may lay ahead for me but I have been here before and hope this time will be any harder to rise up from. my neighbour is a total star and a rock to turn towards and she and her husband have sat me down and listened to me all night. true friendship comes out when you least ask for it and times like this proves it exists. 👍

[Hb2003 in reply to Hidden]

True I hope that your day will get better . I’m glad that you have kind neighbors who listen to you and are kind ☺️

[Hidden]

I am very sorry that you are dealing with this, DeepBlue1965.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

it's so difficult to put into words as you never go in something to break up and dissolve it, she hasn't been happy now for a long time, this covid19 15month lockdown hasn't helped as it has shut her family off totally, it's difficult. once the dust settles hopefully we can still be good friends, we never broke up with anger or resentment, just understanding and respect for each other.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Sorry about your situation saying goodbye is never easy , is there any chance of the two of you staying in touch as friends ?

at least you have your dogs

[Hidden in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I said my goodbyes to her and she has gone now, hopefully back home safely. time to heal and move on now.

[b1b1b1]

This is a sad, difficult situation. She also may have led you on a bit in allowing you to assume it was a permanent arrangement. From her point of view, though, I can understand that she may have felt tied down and did not want to become a carer. It would have been better if she had discussed this earlier in the relationship, before such a strong attachment developed.

Are you able to get someone to come in, at least a few days a week, to help you? In any event, the best thing is that you still have your two dogs. Let us know how you get on. xx

[Arymretep]

Just wanted to say I’m sorry , going through a break up is so hard, take care

[Hidden in reply to Arymretep]

thank you, it's very kind and descent of you, it's all done and dusted now as she's gone so healing can begin.

[1jill2]

I'm thinking of you. You are not alone. Most everyone here has gone through a break up and we feel for you. It can be hard to believe, but happiness awaits you. Hold on and it will happen. ❤

[Hidden in reply to 1jill2]

thank you for your message and concerns.....In so many ways it's best to face the truth and get on with life, I let her pack the van quietly and without a bad word which her daughter brought up. I kissed her and cuddled her and wished her well on her way and told her to be brave and look at all the positive good times we shared together, not to show and speak malice and move on. I blew her a kiss and watched the huge van drive away slowly, I did my crying to my neighbours behind closed doors over a glass of wine. to me, people can be bitter, fight over the slightest thing but if you love someone truly you will also be able to let go and release their hand to say goodbye, despite me hurting inside. I hold no regrets about meeting her, once the dust settles I hope we can both meet up on a local beach together and walk my 2 dogs, I feel given what the World has just gone through with this Covid these are extreme extraordinary times with people not seeing their families and loved ones for 15 months or more, it must have broken thousands of relationships around the World. yes! I am hurting like hell badly thinking about what may lay ahead for me but I have been here before and hope this time will be any harder to rise up from. my neighbour is a total star and a rock to turn towards and she and her husband have sat me down and listened to me all night. true friendship comes out when you least ask for it and times like this proves it exists. 👍

[mydogs]

So sorry for your break up such raw emotions,you have friends on site who have been through this and will support you in your down days big hug sent your way 🤗

[Hidden in reply to mydogs]

thank you for your message.....In so many ways it's best to face the truth and get on with life, I let her pack the van quietly and without a bad word which her daughter brought up. I kissed her and cuddled her and wished her well on her way and told her to be brave and look at all the positive good times we shared together, not to show and speak malice and move on. I blew her a kiss and watched the huge van drive away slowly, I did my crying to my neighbours behind closed doors over a glass of wine. to me, people can be bitter, fight over the slightest thing but if you love someone truly you will also be able to let go and release their hand to say goodbye, despite me hurting inside. I hold no regrets about meeting her, once the dust settles I hope we can both meet up on a local beach together and walk my 2 dogs, I feel given what the World has just gone through with this Covid these are extreme extraordinary times with people not seeing their families and loved ones for 15 months or more, it must have broken thousands of relationships around the World. yes! I am hurting like hell badly thinking about what may lay ahead for me but I have been here before and hope this time will be any harder to rise up from. my neighbour is a total star and a rock to turn towards and she and her husband have sat me down and listened to me all night. true friendship comes out when you least ask for it and times like this proves it exists.

[hypercat54]

I am very sorry to hear this and wish you all the best

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

thank you for your message.....In so many ways it's best to face the truth and get on with life, I let her pack the van quietly and without a bad word which her daughter brought up. I kissed her and cuddled her and wished her well on her way and told her to be brave and look at all the positive good times we shared together, not to show and speak malice and move on. I blew her a kiss and watched the huge van drive away slowly, I did my crying to my neighbours behind closed doors over a glass of wine. to me, people can be bitter, fight over the slightest thing but if you love someone truly you will also be able to let go and release their hand to say goodbye, despite me hurting inside. I hold no regrets about meeting her, once the dust settles I hope we can both meet up on a local beach together and walk my 2 dogs, I feel given what the World has just gone through with this Covid these are extreme extraordinary times with people not seeing their families and loved ones for 15 months or more, it must have broken thousands of relationships around the World. yes! I am hurting like hell badly thinking about what may lay ahead for me but I have been here before and hope this time will be any harder to rise up from. my neighbour is a total star and a rock to turn towards and she and her husband have sat me down and listened to me all night. true friendship comes out when you least ask for it and times like this proves it exists. 👍

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Yes you certainly have lovely neighbours. I don't know whether I upset you on your first post and this is the reason you deleted it. If so I sincerely apologise.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

no, you didn't upset me, it wasn't your post, I just didn't want to believe it was really over at the time and didn't want to read this also.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Oh it's good to know I didn't upset you. Facing the truth is very difficult sometimes isn't it?

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

facing the truth is hard sometimes, but the truth is undeniable.

[Hidden]

That stinks to be in the position you're in. I've been there before. Caution get any agreements etc in writing, witnessed notarized. People have a way of turning on one another no matter how amicably they separate.

I'm going to spare you the chin up and carry on platitudes

I wish you strength to make it through this time. It hurts. Mourn the loss and allow yourself to grive.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

thank you for your message.....In so many ways it's best to face the truth and get on, I let her pack the van quietly and without a bad word which her daughter brought up. I kissed her and cuddled her and wished her well on her way and told her to be brave and look at all the positive good times we shared together, not to show and speak malice and move on. I blew her a kiss and watched the huge van drive away slowly, I did my crying to my neighbours behind closed doors over a glass of wine. to me, people can be bitter, fight over the slightest thing but if you love someone truly you will also be able to let go and release their hand to say goodbye, despite me hurting inside. I hold no regrets about meeting her, once the dust settles I hope we can both meet up on a local beach together and walk my 2 dogs, I feel given what the World has just gone through with this Covid these are extreme extraordinary times with people not seeing their families and loved ones for 15 months or more, it must have broken thousands of relationships around the World. yes! I am hurting like hell badly thinking about what may lay ahead for me but I have been here before and hope this time will be any harder to rise up from. my neighbour is a total star and a rock to turn towards and she and her husband have sat me down and listened to me all night. true friendship comes out when you least ask for it and times like this proves it exists. 👍

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hang in there. Allow yourself to go through the four steps of grieving. Keep close friends close and carry on. Try to recognize and not get caught up in a " rebound" situation. They are notorious for match destined to crash and burn. Embrace being single for a while or longer. Re introduce yourself to yourself and reassess your relationship requirements.

It will get better. I've been " there " myself a couple of times.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I have begun a new start this morning and done exactly that cleaning my living room spotless how I like it and it has made me feel so much better as I feel I have taken back some of my life again. somebody referred to it as a toxin, it embeds and latches itself deep into you feeding on all your vulnerabilities, nerves and weak point until it begins to suffocate you entirely. That initial release of deep hurt, pain and tears yesterday was my bodies way of purging the system of such a long time of worry and stress looking after her also and keeping a solid roof over her head. She lived here monitory free as I paid for all the bills, she worked part-time from home so she brought a wage in for herself but all she chose to pay for was the electric bill because of all the electricity working online she used and her part of council tax. I covered everything else. I basically ran this home single-handed even though she was my carer and I am disabled. I sadly caught covid twice and was even bedridden for well over 3 weeks solid after my first injection as I became really poorly with it again. The way I treat this is it helped me and got me through the world worst time, we ended with no malice, no bad words, smiles and cuddles and a kiss.......so as they say life moves forward. tomorrow as they say is another day.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

COVID twice! Good Lord!.It sounds like you're well on the riad to recovery. Good for you! Stay the course and stay safe and strong@

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

yes, it was a real struggle and touch and go for a while, the first time being the worst as I refused to go into hospital due to her also being disabled and also my 2 dogs who needed looking after so I decided to stay at home in bed and my body fought the virus twice.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Wow! It's good to know you pulled through. I wish you a full and speedy recovery

[TruckersWife4life]

I'm truly sorry for all you are going through, I can fully relate to this, I was married for 25 years with one child that once he turned 18 he told me the only reason he was with me was because he didn't want to pay child support. I truly thought about taking my own life. I have suffered from anxiety, depression, and bipolar along with have cancer at the age of 23. I know you are hurting and take that time to work through it and I don't want to offend you but it will be what you want it to be. You sound like a very caring person and only wants the best for the both of you. Keep your chin up and I'm here for you anytime.

[Hidden in reply to TruckersWife4life]

Thank you for that kind message, I hold no malice for the decision she has made as she is missing her family she has not seen since Covid 15months ago. I know it hurt like hell today watching her go but once the dust settles I am sure both of us will look back with fond memories. I have been through divorce twice now so know breakups well enough to know I am stronger than I give myself credit for. my 2 dogs are reliant on me pulling through and I still have them. I have a similar story of my son who I solely brought up since he was 3 and lost him at 21 so I do understand how shocking it can be. Maybe I can offer you some advice and support if you need to talk, just reach out as I am here to help despite my ordeals. take care stay strong x

[TruckersWife4life]

You are so kind and thank you. I promise you will find that special lady to spend the rest of your life with. When I went through my divorce I swore I was going to become a nun because I never wanted to get hurt again. Then one day I was on Facebook and met my husband, I don't know how because I have everything on private. None of my friends knew him. Something was telling me to just talk to him and I was a open book hoping I would scare him off but I ended up marrying him. So never give up there is someone out there for you my friend.

[EsmeLu]

Never ever beg anyone to stay with you. If they don’t want to stay let them go. They’re toxic to have around. If you’re seeing a therapist talk about this and start anew again. Something better is waiting for you.

[Hidden]

yes, I have considered all this which is why I chose to let her go without any resistance at all, any efforts would have been futile and she could get out of the home quick enough and I know that. for me, there was never any coming back as i told her this, she knew my situation from the onset and she knew what leaving me would also do to me, this is after leading me to believe we were solid together. I may need to talk to someone eventually, I have seen too many therapists in my time to really know whether they actually do me any good or not, in the end, it boils down to you and you only. thank you for your reply and concerns though, appreciated

[Shezza1]

Please dont take this the wrong way. Everything happens for a reason. Why cry over pebbles when theres a diamond shining brightly. I know you're hurt and I'm really sorry for you're situation. Hopefully you'll get through this. God does these things to try us. I wish you all best for the future. You just keep on cuddling those dogs or yours. My cats are my therapy I talk to them and stroke them. It does help

[Hidden in reply to Shezza1]

Thank you so much for them kind words and thoughts at this troubled time. yesterday was the worst, I went to bed and prayed to mum and dad to help me and take my pain away and help me through the night. I had a great nights sleep actually, never moved hardly at all, woke up feeling nervous and sick which is usual but had this notion in my head to strip the living room down totally, wash all the cushion covers, sofa blanket and polished everywhere within an inch of its life. I then carpet washed all my carpets so smelling great now and all sparkling clean. I have my kitchen to do tomorrow and my bedroom and then all done, I will valet my car out after that. I watered all my plants in the garden and took my dogs out for a small walk and run. I strangely feel ok and releaved it's all over as stupid as that sounds, yes, I still have no idea financially what lies ahead but as I paid all the bills anyway apart from electric I did it all and also pay for the maintenance and billing for my car. initially, it cut me like a knife just to sit back and watch her leave as I felt helpless but knew I had to let her go, it was the right thing to do. i have no regrets as we didn't really fail, Covid19 changed the world and we have gone through extraordinary unprecedented times and millions of people must have gone stupid and broken up because it has thrown lives into turmoil. at least we survived the pandemic and are alive. I wish her well on her journey and hope she finds happiness.🙂

[Shezza1]

Your life will be like a rollercoaster over the next few months. You'll have your ups and downs. It's nice too see you kept busy but you must also slow down a little otherwise you'll crash and burn. You seem financially stable which is a very good thing. Having no bad vibes between you is a good thing. However dont be used. People see kindness as a weakness. And your not weak. You've got this sweetheart

[Hidden in reply to Shezza1]

Thanks for that sound advice also as you are perfectly right. it's terrible to ever think people use people and lead people on this way feeding of the weak and frail but you are so right. I'm not stupid, I'm thinking of me and me only from now on regarding her, the deed is now done and like I've always told her you never look back or at least I never do. she's chosen and made her bed now so trot on I say?

[Shezza1]

I fully agree with you. I've always said taking my ex back is like warming up chips in the microwave. They was nice the first time round. Second time round they are good for the bin. You know what?? You are an amazing person. You've taken this so well. Keep listening to head not your heart. She wanted this. Just keep thinking you reap what you sow love ta-ra. Chin up my lovely. You've got this!!!

[Hidden in reply to Shezza1]

thank you, it makes me happy to know I have done the rightful thing and in a way that not only makes my life far easier but also not with a bitter twist as that was never my intention regardless of being used. you could say we used each other to a degree. I just wish my health was not so impeeded and my ability to walk was so much better than it was. strangely today I have hardly been in any pain or weakness cleaning my living room and gardening. the sleep did me the world of good and in many ways, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted as I have little choice but to get my own independence back again. I was so well organised before she moved in changing everything for me. at least now I have my entire home back and eventually, the way that I like it,. thank you again for the support, appreciated x

[Shezza1]

Your very welcome. Just listening to you made me forget about my own struggles in life. So I want to thank you also. If you ever need someone to talk to just message me. A problem halved is a problem shared