Hi Everyone,
I was on this site several months ago and since then have been in a psychiatric hospital, been seeing a psychiatrist, had EMDR and ketamine treatments, had weekly therapy sessions and am about to try a new therapist, and have tried five different anti-depressants. I'm still struggling with severe anxiety and depression. I don't have any family locally, have managed to lose my friends, and my husband of 25 years has had it with me. I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid of going through the process of getting on and off these antidepressants.....my psychiatrist is running out of ideas except to keep trying drug combinations and has suggested ECT. I'm so afraid of that. I'm also wondering if I'm an addict.....I've been on a sleeping medication (I don't think I get real sleep.....it just seems to sedate me for several hours) since I was in the hospital (6 months ago) and I've been reading about addiction to prescription medications. My psychiatrist keeps telling me I'm not an addict, and that I have severe depression and my brain doesn't work right. I've been in a 12-step program off and on for many years.....but I haven't been honest about doing the step work. I'm realizing what a horrible, selfish person I've been, and how I've always been a "victim" in the process.....and I don't know what to do to change. Sorry to run on and on about this, but I don't have anyone to talk to outside of my doctors.....thoughts? Suggestions? I used to feel very connected to God, but at the moment feel abandoned, hopeless and helpless.