Sister strife

[Bigoldogsmiles]

Hello, I have an older sister with whom I have been very close with for most of my life. She is extremely manipulative and controlling which I have always been aware of so even though we are close I always keep a bit of distance between us and don't see her too often. I also don't fall for her guilt trips or coercian to get what she wants from me. In spite of this we have always been supportive of one another. As of late though her behaviour has become more aggressive to the point where she was trying to get my spouse to talk me into doing what she wants. I am becoming so angry with her at this point that I am considering ending our relationship. I have become very intolerant of this disrespectful behavior. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

[jadeite11]

Hi there, it sounds like your sister is not going to change much.. Why dont you be honest with her about the point you have reached. How would you feel if she were not in your life, would you miss her or no? Be really honest with yourself, if she is causing more harm than good, do you need that in your life? There is a book called A dance of anger, and in this book it explains how when you put boundaries in place with otheres their behaviour will escalate. Its interesting it may help you. It really is your own decision but just because she is family doesnt mean you owe her anything. Another way you could handle it is to distance yourself even more and see if that helps. Look after yourself, and I wish you well..

[Bigoldogsmiles in reply to jadeite11]

Thank you Jadite!

[fauxartist]

Well....first I would tell her.... that you love her, but to back off. And to not try and manipulate your husband. Then I would tell your husband to tell her the same. Sometimes people think they are doing the right thing...but unless someone asks for your help, it may not always be appreciated.

[Bigoldogsmiles in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you fauxartist!

[fauxartist in reply to Bigoldogsmiles]

Sometimes we can say things with love and kindness and understanding....and I think that goes over much better than cold hard frankness.

[Bigoldogsmiles]

I've decided to add more to this now because it's quite complex. My sis has been caring for her partner who has Alzheimers for the last 10 years. He has started biting, punching and hitting her. She refuses to put him in personal care and has told me not to talk to her about putting him in personal care. She also told me last week that she had another stroke but had no symptoms. She told me not to tell anyone. I can see that the stress has caused caregiver burnout but she will not put him in a home nor am I allowed to talk to her about it. I can't stand watching it. It eats me up inside.

[fauxartist in reply to Bigoldogsmiles]

Sometimes when we cannot fix or control circumstances in our lives...we try to fix someone else...even if they don't need or want fixing.... I don't think there's any intended malice, just misplaced effort in most cases. She probably is struggling and feeling helpless in her situation.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Been there. Folks on here know about my tales of my big sister, JG. She has mental health problems. Diagnosed with bipolar. While I can sympathize and be empathetic. I cannot take her disrespect. I know she has issues but that's no excuse.

1 thing I learned is boundaries.

Even if she may be the type of person not to respect boundaries which may cause you to walk away from her...that is in fact a boundary you an enforcing.

My sister tried the same crap with my partner and it was about borrowing money. She bypass me and went straight for my partner to ask for $1,000. When he rejected her, suddenly she didn't need the money.

We, my sister and I have a civil relationship. I had to do this because my mom asked me to. So I don't say anything to her much. Just hello and basic pleasantries. However for the most part I don't see her because she's lock away in her room asleep