Understanding my sister

[7628michgan]

My sister has severe depression,anxiety, alcoholism and PTSD. I try my best to be there for her. She was doing so well, then after 25 years of marriage a week before Thanksgiving my brother in law decides he wants a divorce. She was admitted into the hospital for sucidal thoughts and she was doing great with medication and group therapy. She talked about what she needed to do to focus on herself and get through the divorce. After 2 weeks she was released she found a phychiatrist and was doing ok. Now fast forward to March she's had her first DUI her husband is no closer to leaving but tells her often he wants a divorce he doesn't move out but stays giving her hope all the while he goes out all the time and when he's drunk comes home and either they fight or he tries to woo her only to later in the week tell her he wants a divorce causing her to head to the bar. I've tried to get her to move out even went as far as to make arrangements only for her to keep giving me excuses why she can't then finally telling me she can't she wants to be with him. I agree I will be there for her and that we'll talk about anything other then her mental state (per her request). Friday was her birthday and I told her I'd make her breakfast since she thought she'd have a panic attack if we went out. The plan was 10 she'd be here. 10:30 she texted me and said I'll be a little late give me a hour. I start making breakfast then a hour passes finally at 1:00 her son texts me and says she went back to bed because she hasn't been sleeping good. That's her sleeps all day and up all night. She usually cancels plans or at least tells me no when I first ask in advance. I'm really hurt again every one says well that's her but do I not have a right to feel hurt? I just feel since we had this plan for a week that instead of texting me and saying I'll there in a hour just say I don't feel up to coming at all so I'm not waiting to eat and now have all this food ready

[Lovems]

Your sister sounds like she has multiple issues to address but the alcoholism should be one near the top of the list...I'm in recovery and adding drugs and or alcohol to any situation will make it worse for us. Alcoholics anonymous is what worked for me. If your sister is willing to try another way of life, then AA will work for her. If not, then there is nothing you or any other human can do except stand far enough away so it doesn't bring you down, but close enough to hear her call for help.

[7628michgan in reply to Lovems]

I agree. I told her that was the first step and have offered to take her to meetings she agrees just so I leave her alone but then when I go to pick her up she either doesn't answer or calls and something has come up. You are right she has to be ready. Thank you for the response.

[Kobojunkie]

please take your sister back to her psychiatrist and let him know of what she is dealing with. She needs to be in touch with her psychiatrist at this time to help her get over what she is feeling and her meds please.

life will always throw stressors our way but we are supposed to be able to handle it. If her mind is however not where it ought to be, she will have a hard time handling it and that seems to be what is happening. Please get her back to her psychiatrists asap.

[7628michgan in reply to Kobojunkie]

Thank you for responding she is currently seeing her psychiatrist and on medication. I just think the unhealthy living arrangement is making everything worse. I have hope things will improve.

[Kobojunkie in reply to 7628michgan]

If you would please indulge me for a minute or so, lets try to think differently about her marriage issues and current living arrangement. It is my belief that from time to time life throws a mountain/ obstacle/ challenge( whatever you want to call it) in our way meant to grow us up. Consider her current marriage situation, not even the living condition, one of those obstacles that she needs to overcome in order to grow/mature/advance to the next level(again whatever you want to call it).

Now Living condition aside, your sister has alcoholism, depression, panic attacks, and sleep issues, she needs to work on, all of which I doubt will magically disappear if she gets a new apartment. The challenge which is her marriage situation will still be there and she will still be incapable of handling it until she deals with those problems with her mental state. What I am saying is moving out of the house will not stop her from being depressed, sleeping all day or drinking. She needs to deal with those issues head on and conquer them in order to face the challenge or else it may destroy her for many many years to come and no one wants that to happen to a loved one.

if her psychiatrist is not getting anywhere, have her see a NeuroPsychiatrist. You can maybe find one at a university hospital or maybe the state hospital. They are better equipped to help handle cases that psychiatrists cannot. So please don't give up on getting her treatment for her problems cause her mental state is what matters more than her surroundings. She deserves to have a better quality of life and it all starts with her mental state - how her mind percieves the problem and deals with it.

[Nadia_FL]

I have the same sister. To be honest, I stopped feeling hurt a long time ago after soooo many crazy things like what you mention here. Yes, you do have the right to feel hurt but the real deal is that you have no control over her. You only have control over how you react to her. Do you ever consider pulling back from all of that?